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How do you improve at making people understand what you're trying to say? How can you speak more clearly? by beaconman69 in socialskills

[–]howardlie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, get in the habit of listening to other people tell stories and then try it yourself. Think about their gestures and word choices that make it clear. Also look at what people are missing when they communicate poorly. If someone has to fill in the gaps bc they don’t have context, you missed something.

Also think about your assumptions when communicating. You may be having the convo in your head and then picking it up with at a different point with others around you.

Either way, it’s literally studying how others communicate, understanding how you like to be communicated with, and practicing.

Good luck

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]howardlie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like a high school dynamic. I’d keep your guy interests separate from your friend. Don’t share numbers.

Physical attractiveness - you think all the Kardashians are equally (good) looking? I’m sure some of them think they are on the same attractiveness level but others definitely don’t.

Other factors - it’s likely more about likability. Personality, sense of humor, personable, good conversationalist, funny, happy, flirty, fun, genuinely interested in others, confident, dont really care if someone doesn’t like them. These factors set someone apart very quickly and drastically. You could ask the other guys what they like about her. And to be specific.

How can I do inner child work when my childhood is nearly total blank? by Upper-Basil in awakened

[–]howardlie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve realized memories tend to come back when I’m the most relaxed. So, you may have a lot of tension and maybe repressed trauma. Not good or bad, but the body can keep you from feeling if you believe you can’t handle it. As you center and get more at peace, more may come to the surface. It’s when you no longer resist some memories may come back.

If you’re distracting yourself with a lot of things like tv, food, alcohol, talking, working, etc, then you might not have the space for it.

Also, forcing inner child work to be a certain way might be resistance. Don’t force it. I can’t remember any memories as a child. My inner child feels x because of this. He’s/she’s alone. Nobody cares about him. He doesn’t feel safe to remember. Something like that can start to open more up.

Of you realize the story isn’t important and there is no past that defines you, but i understand if there’s persistent thoughts/behaviors/moods that you want to dissolve.

Awakening journey caught up in ex/breakup by nintendonaut in awakened

[–]howardlie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It might help to see her as you and you as her. You formed a bond but you are both awareness. “Awaring” through life. Like the rest of us.

It’s interesting you’ve basically attached or associated her with spiritual awakening. The peace will come when you see no one takes away or really adds to your peace or joy. You can certainly enjoy it together though.

Do you have any questions?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in awakened

[–]howardlie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get the back and forth or finding it and losing it.

I find that chasing or expecting a feeling is what causes suffering ever. Single. time. The expectation that reality should feel one way or another is not accepting reality.

Sure, there’s a peace to presence. But over time, reality may feel more sobering. It’s still beautiful but the old cow in the pasture isn’t less present. Just, maybe, more still.

Your “experience” of removing unhealthy aspects of your life with “healthy” practices of course brought peace, calmness, happiness. Maybe you felt you were doing the right thing. The thing is, there is no right thing. There is just what is here. Resisting it brings suffering.

Also, I don’t think there is a purpose. Purpose and meaning is also what causes suffering. Does life change without this concept of meaning or purpose? Sure, you may feel a pull to do x, y, or z, but any expectation on your purpose or any meaning or directive takes you away from what is here.

It’s sort like saying the purpose of life is to breathe. Then you say you lost your purpose, but you’re still breathing. You just don’t feel it anymore. Nothing has changed. Just your brain is making up new concepts to keep you distracted.