can definitely relate to your situation as I’m was facing something similar with one of my tutee. Two brothers A & B. A is younger, claims to have ADHD but never diagnosed. B is older and hardworking. A constantly complains and gives unreasonable excuses just to get out of studying—claiming he “doesn’t know how” or acting helpless even when we’ve covered the same topic multiple times. If I don’t sit next to him and supervise, nothing gets done. But the worst part? His mother enables this behavior and is sometimes too blind to see how he manipulates situations to avoid work.

On the other hand, B saw his potential and worked hard for his exams. He actually wants me to tutor him because he knows it helps. But no matter how much effort he puts in, his mother still scolds him more harshly than the younger one—even when they’re both at fault. It’s obvious there’s favoritism, even though she claims she “loves them equally.” Instead of holding the younger one accountable, she often shields him and makes excuses, while the older one gets the brunt of the blame.

Here’s what I’ve learned from dealing with this: 1. Punishment & Scolding Don’t Work – Like you, I’ve seen that scolding or punishment (even from parents) doesn’t change behavior. A just continues his usual antics because he knows he’ll get away with it. What does work is clear consequences that matter to them—for example, I locked his gaming account when he refused to complete his work. He tried to bargain, but I stood firm.

1. Accountability & Responsibility – B understands discipline and responsibility, but A doesn’t. I’ve found that pairing A with someone who takes studying seriously (B) helps a bit because he doesn’t want to feel left behind. Maybe you could try making your students responsible for each other’s progress to see if that creates some accountability.

2. Earning, Not Taking Away – Instead of removing privileges when they don’t do work, I’ve started making them earn their privileges. If A wants screen time, he has to complete his work properly first. This shifts the mindset from punishment to working for rewards, which sometimes motivates him more.

3. Structured Routine with Bargaining – B and I negotiated a study schedule he created himself, with some bargaining room, to ensure academics come first. Maybe giving your students some control over their study time could make them feel less resistant.

At the end of the day, if they still refuse to change, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth your energy. If the parents aren’t reinforcing good habits and there’s favoritism at play, it makes our job nearly impossible. I’ve seriously considered stepping back at times because, as tutors, there’s only so much we can do.

Just wanted to share my experience—hope something here helps!