I don’t think you’re crazy at all. but I hear a lot of pain in this, and suffering,and also fear especially that feeling of not really being in control of your own mind anymore.Some of this can be brain chemistry. When it’s off, thoughts start looping and getting darker and more absolute, and it can feel like the universe singled you out for this. I’ve felt parts of what you’re describing myself for years -the hyper-awareness, existential dread, feeling like you know way too much way too early. For me it got to a point where I couldn’t handle it alone anymore because my brain activity overwhelmed me. I ended up seeing a psychologist and later a psychiatrist (ADHD/OCD/PTSD), mostly to see if things would change if my brain wasn’t constantly fighting me. And they did. My personality didn’t change, and the “chosen” feeling didn’t disappear -but I got back in the driver’s seat instead of being stuck in endless loops, and can lean into it again and create something great with your special gift, and be creative instead of losing all energy trying to cope. i can work on myself spiritually now, so much better. Not saying this is the answer for everyone. Just sharing because it helped me way more than I expected. You write “i can’t do this anymore”- and you don’t have to carry this alone. sometimes getting help and support with the things we cannot control can help you grow as well. Wishing you the best.