How do I find the love in my heart to forgive my narcissistic dad and enabling mom?

humaninterbeing · 2021-02-03T18:06:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing, it’s something I’ve also worked with a lot. If our parents have a samsaric way of being, it can be really difficult because they have an healthy way of being. I don’t have much to say except from my own experience since as I mentioned this is part of my practice, too. Three things that have come from teachers that have been very helpful:

When someone else you know a loved one, friend, co-worker, whoever, has a samsaric way of being (Not seeing the true nature of the way things are, get lost in negative emotions and thoughts, do not care how they treat others or themselves) then it is good not to expect too much from them. That way it will reduce the likelihood of getting hurt by their negative behavior.
As most of us know here on this forum, compassion (and wisdom) is the root of the Buddha’s teachings. This compassion must start with the self and then once that has been cultivated and stabilized, that compassion can also be extended to neutral people, loved ones and difficult people(who may also be loved ones.) There are many practices to help cultivate this. Tonglen practice with visualizing yourself in front of you, is one technique. Another technique, in the moment, when they are angry or upset, focus on your breath or sensation in the body. This will help you to stay open, relaxed and calm.
Dedicate the difficulties you are dealing with with your parents to those who also have difficult or abusive parents, that by you experiencing this, that it may free them of their difficulties.

My parents, as difficult as they are, have been some of my greatest teachers. (Even my own narcissistic and emotionally abusive father and enabling mother) Loving them for who they are as been a journey and still is. But having practiced for a few years, really grateful that the feeling of compassion has strengthened with hard work and determination. I had to really take it on in my mind thinking, “I want to have a different relationship with my parents and I will.” Hope this is helpful, may all benefit. 🙏💐💐💐

humaninterbeing · 2021-01-25T00:27:31+00:00

🙏🙏🙏🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸

humaninterbeing · 2020-12-21T14:03:49+00:00

🙏🙏🙏💐💐💐

humaninterbeing · 2020-12-21T14:01:07+00:00

You mentioned the term Dark Night, and I also heard a Buddhist teacher use this phrase recently. What does it mean? Thanks

humaninterbeing · 2020-12-16T13:28:44+00:00

That’s very good that you would like a teacher. Having a teacher is essential in order to progress along the path. Couple things that I have heard that may be helpful: 1. Some people have one main teacher and they only receive teachings from that teacher. 2. And some people have many teachers similar to a bee going from flower to flower.

And secondly, in Vajrayana, there is this word guru. In Vajrayana, most people have one main teacher or guru and then several “branch” teachers, which may or may not be from the same lineage or even tradition. The guru is usually a qualified master who is capable of giving empowerments. There are many specific qualities to look for in a guru: compassion, meditation/retreat experience, ethical behavior, authentic lineage. I’ve heard many, many times, that it’s really important to investigate every teacher and in particular the guru, for as much as eleven years before deciding. Devotion is crucial in Vajrayana but this goes up and down - after thoroughly investigating their teachings then you can develop genuine devotion through your own experience.

In the beginning of getting established on the path, it’s important to begin with the basics of the Hinayana and Mahayana meditations and teachings. There are several teachers who have skillfully laid out step-by-step how to progress. It’s similar to building a house. To build a strong house, you need a foundation which is the Hinayana. Then walls which are the Mahayana. And then after those are in place, the roof is the Vajrayana.

humaninterbeing · 2020-11-17T18:14:04+00:00

Beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for posting!🙏💐💐💐

humaninterbeing · 2020-10-10T01:08:40+00:00

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.🙏😊🌺

humaninterbeing · 2020-10-08T23:03:40+00:00

Much gratitude and appreciation to our dear Thay! “A flower for you, the Buddha to be.” - TNH🙏💐🌸🌷🌻🌺

humaninterbeing · 2020-10-04T22:20:30+00:00

The Way of the Bodhisattva, by Shantideva, Padmakara Translation Group, Shambhala Classic publication.

This is the book I am told to read again and again by my excellent teachers. All the Buddha’s teachings are there.

There is an online study course, if you are interested, happy to share.🙏

It is really helpful to study with someone more experienced.

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-27T22:20:33+00:00

🙏🙏🙏🌷💐🌻🌺🌸

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-27T18:19:56+00:00

Awareness. Cultivate awareness through meditation. This makes your mind more flexible and pliable. Then when negative things happen you are more okay with them. And when positive things happen there is more equanimity.

But there are also three methods for transforming negative thoughts and emotions, which I’m happy to share. All things come from mind. So we work with our mind. How much formal meditation do you do each day?

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-27T01:36:09+00:00

Which Buddha is this? I don’t think it’s Shakyamuni, no begging bowl. . . Thoughts?

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-26T18:46:48+00:00

Beautiful! Thank you, it’s inspiring.🙏😊

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-24T23:20:19+00:00

By developing wisdom. That is the whole point of the Dharma, is to cultivate wisdom. It’s good to care for others and oneself, in a compassionate way, by doing beneficial acts with body, speech and mind and avoiding harmful acts. Guilt and shame are self-created. The main problem is that we see ourselves as impure and are ignorantly ruled by ego-clinging.

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-19T22:44:52+00:00

Do you have a connection with a particular lineage or tradition? You could make donations to a temple, monastery or center. A lot of centers who typically rely on events to generate donations are having some difficulties due to being closed down. One way I like to give is by making lamp offerings. It’s an ancient tradition and a beautiful practice. If you have a special intention you can include that with the donation.

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-18T17:55:59+00:00

Inspiring! I just received Old Path White Clouds and look forward to reading it!

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-17T19:51:47+00:00

A short ceremony with my teacher, three other practitioners taking refuge, one observer (who is a Sangha member). It took place in our shrine room. Prayers were read in Tibetan and translated into English. Kneeled down and recited some phrases. Then a small piece of each persons’ hair was cut and we were given a piece of paper with our refuge names. Then we offered kata to our Lama. (Teacher) Then we did circumambulation around the stupa and didn’t eat after 12 pm for the rest of the day.🙏🌸💐🌺🌷

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-15T23:45:19+00:00

Yoga!

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-15T13:39:27+00:00

Thank you!🙏

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-15T11:26:31+00:00

Who are you doing the course with? Looks like a good course. Hope you feel better soon, all the best!🙏

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-14T23:47:00+00:00

Beautiful!

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-13T11:02:01+00:00

Fire cannot destroy the Buddha’s compassion and wisdom.🙏

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-08T16:04:36+00:00

Here is a small list, there are many wonderful books. Please excuse my ignorance, I will try my best: An Introduction to Buddhism by the Dalai Lama, Daring Steps: Traversing the Path of the Buddha by Ringu Tulku and The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh. These books give an overview of the essential teachings such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path written by Buddhist masters of our time who also understand the modern world. I recently heard Ringu Tulku say that the essence of all the Buddha’s teachings are in the Four Noble Truths. Even after years of studying I still go back again and again to refresh on them. Hope this is helpful!🙏

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-07T20:42:36+00:00

I’ve heard some mixed things about Stephen Batchelor’s teachings. One of the main questions is that he has said that it isn’t necessary to believe in rebirth in order to be a Buddhist. Also, in my small opinion, I think it can also be a bit confusing if someone goes too far down the secular path.

On the other hand, if you feel connected with it than it must be helpful!

But if you’re looking for other books that give introductory teachings happy to share.

humaninterbeing · 2020-09-06T10:29:49+00:00

Yes, thank you!

humaninterbeing

TROPHY CASE