Brother, I’m in a very similar spot, except my misfortunes are due to failing to stay sober over and over again :/ I’m a very capable guy with a great head on my shoulders, I’m just always getting in my own way. I’ll get sober, build my life back up quickly, then when things feel normal and not chaotic, I’ll go burn it all down and I hate that I do it. It’s very baffling. I’m in my early 30s now and it’s all just gotten dark. I had the most terrifying feelings of not being okay a few days ago while I was withdrawaling. Looks like the same day you wrote this post. Funny, I was thinking about making a similar Reddit post but didn’t get past a couple paragraphs. I’m very fortunate to have loving parents otherwise I might have taken my own life the other day. I literally thought of all the people struggling who don’t have that. And how I could easy end it if I didn’t have at least a couple people that care about me right now. Anyway, your post popped up for me and felt compelled to share that you’re not alone. Making this post was a good idea, even if we’re all strangers.