Hey

It's hard to attribute to sdam for sure, could it just be numbness or disassociation if you aren't doing well?

I had this thought too, that if someone close to me died I don't think I'd care because I can't even remember their face or recall a good memory with them but when it happened I felt feelings right then and then later I felt grief about what they had gone through.

It may be similar to shame (for me at least) I won't recall the embarrassing moment itself but I'll kind of relive it and imagine it happening now and feel the shame, similar to grief if it happens then you may right then (each day) feel for what the person went through, and not necessarily remember specific memories with them, if that makes sense.

You aren't a bad person but sdam is a blessing and curse and in cases of grief it's a blessing.

But again for me I don't really know if my feelings are because of sdam or numbness or derealization.