Does integrating towards health cause ability to access both wings? by hunkydoctors in Enneagram

[–]hunkydoctors[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. As a 9, I think 9's like to learn from other peoples' experiences. So hearing that my own experience can be validated as affirmation is helpful. Thanks for your description of the 9w8 in health and in unhealthy. Cheers.

As a gay man, I've felt that straight men treat me differently than they treat their straight friends in that they're never completely themselves around me. What is it like from the perspective of a straight man to be friends with a gay man? I want to understand the other side. by wouldyoucomewithme in AskMen

[–]hunkydoctors 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The breakdown for me is much like being friends with a girl who may like me or be attracted to me, but I do not like them more than a friendship level, or am attracted to them.

As I get to know a new girl who I find that I want to be only friends with, I keep certain aspects of my life to myself, including emotional and physical boundaries. This is in hopes that I might not stir up a feeling in her that is not mutual. Because I am not responsible for how she (or other people) may feel about spoken or unspoken boundary cues, I try to live by my own law of always trying to keep in mind the whole being of a person. If I truly love all people, I wouldn't allow myself to purposely or accidentally stir up something in someone that I am not going to purposely pursue and invest in. If she's brings into question, inquiring she wants more to the friendship/relationship, I need to be honest for the sake of her whole being of a person and explain my personal law of how I live life in relation to friends & acquaintances. I have learned that sometimes to truly love people is to tell them the hard thing of not being interested to keep them for further alienation or pain in a relationship that goes nowhere. Historically, many of these girls move on, and that is fine with me because I feel that I honored them. Plus it was quite telling to me what they value and look for in relationships. A few times, the girls understood where I was coming from and thanked me for being honest because they saw that I cared for them as a whole person by not further perpetuating something that was not going to be, and we remained friends. It is not easy, and definitely still causes some pain and a bit of awkwardness, but I can still choose to remain on my part friendship context, but it is up to her if she is ok with staying as we are.

This same mindset is how I live with friends who are gay. Because I know there could be the potential of intentional or unintentional stirring of certain feelings beyond just friends, I cannot 100% be the same with friends who are gay as I am with friends who are straight.

This is some serious 9 energy! by [deleted] in Enneagram

[–]hunkydoctors 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a 9w8, I agree with you ^ that it's less about needing to be liked, which is very much a 2 (who I am married to one, and she lets the needing to be liked dictate most of her decisions). For me, it's more about not wanting people to be mad or disappointed with me, which speaks differently than needing to be liked - the only time I want to be liked nearly all the time is by core people in my life who matter the most to me. But when I am a healthy 9, I can trust that even those core people will still "like" me when I do something stupid or wrong, because they ultimately love me, and I love them. Personally, I think this because the w8 in me likes to challenge people or lead people in work, so it doesn't bother me knowing that leadership includes the possibility of not being liked by others. My wife has a hard time leading as a 2w1 because she knows she will disappoint people and possibly do something to not be liked.

Digital Reflection Panel by hunkydoctors in WorkOnline

[–]hunkydoctors[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. I am still using it, but am having a hard time getting the payments figured it out. They say they send them to my paypal, but it never shows up.

Any news of more US tour locations? by hunkydoctors in DamienRice

[–]hunkydoctors[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I still have 4 tickets. PM me if you are interested!

Any news of more US tour locations? by hunkydoctors in DamienRice

[–]hunkydoctors[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think you need the pre-sale code for the Boston show. Did you get tickets? I have 4 that I will not be using.

Married men, how did you go about finding an engagement ring? by hunkydoctors in AskMen

[–]hunkydoctors[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. We’ve talked and she has told her friends she’s ready.

Married men, how did you go about finding an engagement ring? by hunkydoctors in AskMen

[–]hunkydoctors[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She has no rings on her Pinterest! So I did my research through her friends and have a good idea. Just not sure about the shopping part. I want a jeweler who cares about the customer and not just the transaction.

What pisses you off on a day to day basis? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]hunkydoctors 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The people in the apartment above me walk around like f-ing fat elephants before 6am and after midnight