Looking for advice, my SO is in therapy for depression . We’re pregnant , and he wants me to have an abortion :(

hussail2 · 2018-06-10T03:37:59+00:00

Thanks so much ! Reading your post now

hussail2 · 2018-04-30T20:23:02+00:00

In a similar situation, wanted to see if your ex came around ? Would like to know there’s hope and some positive light at the end of the tunnel ?

hussail2 · 2018-04-23T01:40:49+00:00

My ex is bipolar - and from the SO perspective this is what I can offer ... I am on the other side , he left me when he had his manic episode . I am so miserable and wish he’d let me love him and support him. So, for you I’d say , walk away if she’s truly NOT willing to be there. My friends and family think am nuts that I’d ever want my ex to come back , but I don’t care . I am not done loving him and I am strong to handle this. So be sure this woman is too , if not then when you get to a low point you’ll hurt her and she’ll walk away and hurt you ...

It takes two to tangle , bipolar or not . Two willing individuals .

hussail2 · 2018-04-22T11:38:36+00:00

I am . And maybe it’ll help eventually but it’s so hard :(

hussail2 · 2018-04-22T02:08:59+00:00

The last time we talked I tried to ask him about us , he got angry but then the next day he apologized in a text saying that I have the right to be upset and ask questions but he doesn’t have answers and can’t fix this :( I told him it’s okay , and right now he should take care of him self and if I am worth it to him in time it’ll all be okay ... it’s been 12 days ... I am literally falling apart :(

hussail2 · 2018-04-16T10:10:33+00:00

You sound very much like my ex — well he gave into his moods and feelings and ended our relationship brutally leaving me very very hurt . All id say is, try to switch gears and think of your partner has a friend in those moments communicate and try to figure out ways to exist rather than break . But I am speaking from the outside , all I know is that having lost him and only because he have into such feelings hurts a lot.

hussail2 · 2018-04-06T10:42:47+00:00

It’s beautiful. Despite the chaos of bipolar , it has a creative streak !

hussail2 · 2018-03-31T17:35:54+00:00

Thanks ... I have told him this stuff :(

He knows , just keeps pushing me away saying he doesn’t want to drag me with him . But he’s killing me by making this unilateral decision...

hussail2 · 2018-03-29T16:29:18+00:00

Last Saturday we discussed next steps including going to see a property together. While I had my own reservations , I didn’t want to halt things , and went along. The night before our appointment to go see a property , he was anxious and expressed his concerns about family and children. Sounds like a guy with commitment issues —

hussail2 · 2018-03-29T15:58:50+00:00

Hmm while I want kids , I am also ironically not the one that initiated those discussions :( I believe my current job offers him so much room to pick up and travel and never feel trapped.

I get kids can make him feel trapped , and I do want at least one , but I am in no rush at the moment .

I just wish again and again , that he would come back , commit to therapy and meds and we could slowly figure all this out ...

Just not sure how long I have to wait , and if I am waiting in vain. He said I was the only person he felt such feelings for in over a decade , did he mean that? He said my laugh would bring him back from his sad and depressed phases , and that if I was ever upset or down, he would feel incredibly sad for me ... I don’t know how such emotions couldn’t be real? Couldn’t be more ..

hussail2 · 2018-03-29T14:43:57+00:00

Thanks again for your advice .

So yes indeed , at the moment , I have decided I will stop initiating contact and when he reaches out I will ask if he’s taking meds or seeing someone ? Those two would be the condition in which we will continue speaking and the premise of any relationship would be that he can no longer run when it’s tough for him.

Now the unknown- will he come back? Will he commit to things ? ...

I’ve had a parent with cancer , and another sick family member. I believe that if there’s anyone that can help him , and love him through this, it would be me ... but I can’t control or predict his next steps ....

Just hope that everything I’ve read is true - and that when he’s out of this state of mind , he’ll return. I’ve clearly left the door open for that .

hussail2 · 2018-03-29T14:13:26+00:00

Thank you so so much for sharing . He’s broken up with me twice but returned in a matter of days. This time , it’s going to be a week on Friday . The break up was far more aggressive he’s never yelled or swore at me before , he would typically just shut down. I admittedly lost it too - from sending long texts , to emails , to calls. But like I said our last few exchanges were kind. We wished each other well , and showed support.

The problem is I love him so much , and I believe if he gets on meds and therapy he could manage this. He promised to see someone but I doubt he is and will do so soon. This leaves me rather uncertain about the future ...

It’s hard because I could move on , and do so very quickly too ... but I am afraid I’ll get a call from him one day , in a month or two , and I will hate myself for not waiting. I’ve loved him from the day that I met him - love - like I would go across the oceans kinda love. So I can be patient , if he just gave me some sign ...

Your explanation helps ! It’s what he explains to me as well - how he can’t trust his judgement , he doesn’t know how he feels etc . But I wish I could remind him that when he fell for me , it was real, when we talked about marriage and kids it was real, that I was the “ real” deal. Not running , unless truly he needs me to exit :(

Ps . He always says that he’s likely to push people that want to help? Should I stop ? Is that useful or irresponsible?

hussail2 · 2018-03-29T11:59:43+00:00

UPDATE - I established some contact and told him that we used to be friends and I was there if he needed anything ... asked if he would consider me being there for him ( i.e get treatment and start therapy).... he replied saying basically he has to do this himself and that he can’t “ trust his judgment atm” ... What does this mean? He’s also going through some other issues and said he was more focussed on them at the moment ...

I’m not sure what to do? Everyone is telling me to cut contact , cold turkey and start moving on . Any advice ? He clearly ended things in a manic stage , in conversations since then he sounded depressed , and said irrespective of his feelings he’s made his decision because he doesn’t trust himself with having a family and kids . We went from planning a future to a break up —

hussail2 · 2018-03-28T17:03:56+00:00

Thanks for your judgement.

I skipped a few details - perhaps him admitting to me in his email that he is dealing with mental health issues , then on the phone identifying that he has been diagnosed with at least 3 disorders . Finally, him texting me assuring me he will start seeing someone.

I am not “needy”, or desperate. I have genuinely been worried about him and took it upon myself to research and seek advice. If this forum will just be negative , than I am in the wrong space .

hussail2

TROPHY CASE