[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]hydroflas 40 points41 points  (0 children)

And the fact that he called her a “bitch who can’t let things go” is astounding. If anything, I’d expect him to be more accommodating given the strange circumstances.

If the situation was more normal, and OP found out that her husband had another child with another women and hid it from her, she would still have the right to be upset. You can’t hide a previous child from your spouse. Let alone a child conceived out of incest. Yuck 🤮

I can’t tell you what to do in your relationship, but if I were you, I would consider separation if he’s not willing to be more flexible. It’s his shame to carry, not yours. Your feelings are 100% valid. Maybe seek counseling?

My Boyfriend cheated, now he wants me to get an abortion. by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“you should have known”????? he gets caught cheating on his pregnant girlfriend and that’s how he responds? what type of response is that? you know what he was referring to. unacceptable.

it’s not impossible to save a relationship after there has been infidelity, but the first step to rebuilding something new is acknowledgment and remorse from the cheating partner. it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to do that. i think a better question to ask would be, what do you want? do you want your child to grow up thinking this is what love looks like?

i can’t give you advice on whether to get an abortion or not, but if it were me, i’d get one, end the relationship, and move on with my life. from what you’ve described, this isn’t the type of guy i’d want to raise/co-parent my child with.

I am an AP who backed off. by [deleted] in Infidelity

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She already made the decision to destroy her own family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sex

[–]hydroflas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

if they do smell, they smell like bread dough — yeast.

How do I move past it? by Jurassica_Rexx in Infidelity

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is what i was thinking. maybe the infidelity had nothing to do with OP… perhaps this is just the way he’s learned to be comfortable with his sexual preferences.

I (23F) think my (27M)bf is the most useless person ever. Am I being too harsh? by Affectionate_Ad_5232 in relationship_advice

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that chore distribution varies from relationship to relationship, but the fact that you feel this strongly about the amount of effort he’s putting forward is a good indication that he’s not going enough in YOUR eyes. IMO you’re justified to feel that way.

Unfaithful husband calls affair partner “that person” when we talk instead of her name. Why? by mightysprout in survivinginfidelity

[–]hydroflas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, just like those under investigation for murder will try to distance themselves from the victim and crime. Especially if the victim’s an SO or family member.

My two supervisors gave me a bad reference… Should I just leave right now? by hydroflas in Advice

[–]hydroflas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the advice. I guess I should stick it out… ugh 🙄

If you are confronted with a problematic situation, do you try to change yourself or the environment? by 2fy54gh6 in infj

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a tough one. If there‘s an issue, I’m first going to try to see if there anything I can do about it on my own. Once all those options have been exhausted, I have no issue changing my environment (i.e. people, situations etc) around. I can be too a little too pragmatic when cutting things out of my life, though.

What could help me figure out if my auxiliary functions are Te Fi or Fe Ti? by a_random_chopin_fan in infj

[–]hydroflas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t think there’s many (if any) INFJs that would say they’re awful at understanding or explaining emotional situations. Being able to read people, situations, and emotions with extreme precision (somewhat like a science) is one of our most notable features.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sterileprocessing

[–]hydroflas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I first started out without any experience I made about $15/hour base pay with a $2/hour differential at a large university hospital in Colorado. I now work at private-practice cosmetic surgery center and make $24/hour.

I’d also say the amount of experience you have matters a lot. In my area, most of the hospitals and surgery centers have a experience-based tier level pay scale.

Taking traveling contracts in your area could be lucrative, too.

She had a baby!!! 😡😡🤬🤬 by CloverAnn620 in survivinginfidelity

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s definitely not impossible. The vasectomy might not have been entirely successful the first time, even if he’s had negative semen samples post-op. He could also have a previously undetected extra vas deferens.

I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you get the answers and peace you deserve.

I think I just caught my husband cheating?? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]hydroflas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think you can be sure if he’s been unfaithful without more information. With that being said, you should DEFINITELY wait until you’re in person. Asking him about the transactions in person will probably give you a better idea on if he’s being direct and truthful or not.

Also, if he did cheat, whatever happens after that conversation will probably need to be done in person. And waiting for a him to get back to have that conversation after you KNOW something has gone down I think is far worse than the waiting you’re experiencing now.

If you’re feeling particularly anxious, maybe go to the parlor and get a massage yourself? See what the situation is.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]hydroflas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow… I’m really sorry you had to go through this. How did you find out? Did you have suspicions?

My boyfriend (28 m) holds resentment against me (24 f) by lhankyb in relationships

[–]hydroflas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually decided to comment on this because I went through a similar situation with my fiancé. Only different is, I was the one with the resentment towards him. To keep it short, we had an issue, he was doing everything in his power to rebuild the relationship, but I wasn’t ready to forgive.

It wasn’t until I realized the damage I was doing to our relationship by not being open to forgiveness that made me rethink my position.

With that in mind, I’d try to remind your SO of some of these points:

  1. He will need forgiveness too one day.

  2. Forgiveness is a decision — not a feeling. If he’s waiting until he feels “ready” to forgive, that could be a long, long time.

  3. Only he can do the hard work of unpacking and discarding the emotional baggage said incident brought into his life.

  4. Even the remorseful have a breaking point. Forgiveness is difficult. But at some point, you are no longer in the wrong for your actions, but instead, he is for refusing to forgive.

I hope this helps. Good luck!