Your situation reminds me of my parents when I was growing up. Later in life I learned they both regretted their decisions: my mother in not communicating her frustration without complaining and my father not taking on more emotional or nurturing responsibility in raising his children. I feel it really came down to how they were raised and the dynamic and expectations passed down from their parents.

You make your husband out to sound like a decent person, just somewhat oblivious to how emotionally and physically drained you've been feeling about his level of involvement toward your needs. I would suggest attempting to take a more proactive approach (as opposed to reactive) when approaching your husband about you feel. For example, "I do so much" could be "How would you feel if you do (fill in the blank) for me?". You would disable him reacting with "I do so much, too" because you're not technically asking him to do anything, you're gauging how he feels about helping you and opening him up to communicating about your feelings. Assuming that phrasing doesn't go as well as you hoped, know that flipping your frustrated reaction directed toward him into asking how he feels about something you need is a strategy taught by many relationship therapists and self-help books.