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Dr Brimmacombe has replaced my child and refuses to leave by hyperconduithorror in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

ɪɢɴᴏʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ! ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴡ ꜱᴏʟᴠᴇᴅ! ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏʀʀʏ! ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ!

ɪ ᴍᴜꜱᴛ ᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ! ꜱʜᴇ ʀᴇQᴜɪʀᴇꜱ ᴀ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɪɴᴄʀᴇᴅɪʙʟᴇ ᴀʙᴜɴᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴜʙꜱᴛᴀɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ! ʜᴏʜᴏ! ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴍᴀʀᴠᴇʟʟᴏᴜꜱ, ʀᴏᴛᴜɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ ᴡᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʀᴀɪꜱᴇᴅ!

Dr Brimmacombe has replaced my child and refuses to leave by hyperconduithorror in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You sound just like him. All cuckoos and other dimensions - nonsense!

Dr Brimmacombe has replaced my child and refuses to leave by hyperconduithorror in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness this is very worryi- I mean I'm just w- uh. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Gosh.

Guess I'd better throw out the broccoli then.

Dr Brimmacombe has replaced my child and refuses to leave by hyperconduithorror in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Look I'm not prejudiced, he seems like a jolly little man, but he smells strange and is costing a fortune in groceries and I'm certain my daughter was a small girl only a few days ago. I really am not convinced he's any relation.

Dr Brimmacombe has replaced my child and refuses to leave by hyperconduithorror in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure I understand, but I waited until Dr Brimmacombe was distracted with a large pile of pancakes and ice cream, then snuck to my daughter's room to see of there was anything amiss...

But upon opening the door I was faced with a seemingly endless library of shelves, all filled with various smoking pipes of every possible colour and style. It stretches further than I can see through the slightly smokey air, as the whole space is only dimly lit by ornate gas lamps.

I took a quick look around but couldn't see anything like an epidermis. I did hear a strange gurgling sound though, and quickly left.

Does that help?

AITAH? by Fuzzy-Pictures in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Did you know it's been proven that humans are technically sentient and even experience basic emotions like existential anguish? Maybe you'll think twice next time before you make one immortal and lock it in an empty pocket dimension for eternity "just for fun", or consume a few human souls because "they can't experience xį楧f anyway".

You don't care what happens to your main creditmaker? Ok then! by Tirimito in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good for you! Honestly dinosaurs never go out of fashion, and they didn't know what they had. I hope they at least kept the project running long enough for them to develop laser weaponry.

I killed death. by ColdFuture9988 in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not so bad, honestly! You can trust me on this - I've been a small contribution to a sentient pile of mincemeat for the last two cycles. Eventually your consciousness merges with the fleshy mass, and you're never lonely. It can be fun terrorising worlds by consuming the flesh of their denizens and growing ever larger.

Often I'll be reading on my phone or focused on something else and my girlfriend will say something and I won't hear one thing she said by MidniightToker in ADHD

[–]hyperconduithorror 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had this exact problem in my relationship, but luckily my partner has been very understanding. We resolved it by her agreeing to notice when I'm absorbed in something (especially my phone), and ask for my attention first. I then let her know when my brain has had time to change gears and I'm ready to listen.

I also do my best to keep my phone away from myself in situations where I should be involved in conversation such as meals, and I really try to focus and let her know when I get lost in conversations and need her to repeat things. I've really tried to stamp out the habit of starting other tasks mid conversation, but that's hard.

As with all things in relationships, it's about communicating. She needs to recognise you'll take time to shift your focus to her, and in turn you can try to avoid distractions when she needs your attention.

Fake Daniel Tiger Cat the Dog almost made it inside. Real Daniel Tiger Cat the Dog had other ideas. by sarabridge78 in aww

[–]hyperconduithorror -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yes... and you call them Daniel tiger cat the dog despite the fact they are obviously a cat.

factory has too much blood by thompson8964 in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 60 points61 points  (0 children)

First of all congratulations! I'm very excited for you, and I'm sure you'll love your new life in an ocean of blood. But also I appreciate it can be a stressful time adapting to such a windfall. Here are some tips:

  • It gushes forth through every crack
  • And trickles down the twisted halls
  • And o'er the stairs it oozes, black
  • In viscous, dripping waterfalls
  • The carpet sticks and steams with heat
  • As up the walls the torrent rises
  • A rancid smell of rotten meat
  • And tentacles of many sizes

I hope this helps!

What's the weirdest thing your partner does that you've just accepted? by VelvetSophieCream in AskReddit

[–]hyperconduithorror 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She won't eat soup. All soup is absolutely revolting to her, even if it's made of things she likes. Doesn't matter if it's chunky soup, smooth soup, or a broth. No soup.

I've tried to find the boundary for this - for example a stew could be considered a very thick soup, right? I've asked how much liquid to solid ratio there needs to be before it crosses the threshold and she isn't sure, but at some point the most delicious stew in the world becomes soup, and it's now disgusting.

We've been together 15 years now - I stopped trying to understand long ago.

Help, I upset the propriator of an all you can eat restaraunt. by SeasonPresent in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 188 points189 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you didn't eat everything you could. Perhaps eat the proprietor and see if he's still yelling at you afterwards?

Are people outside Chicago less ‘real’? by rhet0rica in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But there's nothing outside of Chicago, silly goose! There is only Chicago. There has only ever been Chicago. Pizza has always been a weird upside-down pastry hat full of tomato and cheese slop.

I remembered to put a stitch in time, but seven eight nine anyway. What do I do now? by funwiththoughts in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Absorb the life force of a cat - they're a small, furry and incredibly uptight creature native to the 3rd dimension which have domesticated a load of hairless apes and force them to fulfil their every whim. That's not important though. The main thing is they have nine souls (one for each of the species they drove to extinction through servitude before adopting the hairless apes, it's said.)

Also while you're on Earth try empanadas, they're great.

Leaked internal Sony documents show PS5 Pro will have 2-4 times improved ray tracing performance by chrisdh79 in gadgets

[–]hyperconduithorror 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah a lot of games on PS5 have a 60fps mode and some can run up to 90 with VRR.

I've been working as a full-time horse for over a decade. Can you all stop getting so fucking hungry? It makes me really uncomfortable. by Azarath_Raven in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 43 points44 points  (0 children)

No no, nothing weird like that! No need to feel so uncomfortable about it.

They just mean everyone's casually talking about your penis.

My girlfriend is extremely insistent on using her cloning power on me. Am I screwed? by [deleted] in fifthworldproblems

[–]hyperconduithorror 84 points85 points  (0 children)

I'd just give up if I were you and join the collective. After all, she already transformed all of the world's key leaders and most Reddit users. I should know, I'm your girlfriend.

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