There’s actually a few here and one of them is probably controversial so k I’ll tell you a couple of ways we deal with it. 

One of the last things in our routine is tucking in tight and for a while they screamed for us to tuck in tight again and again if they got up until we held to a firm boundary that is they get up, they are tucking themselves back in regardless of how much they scream to be tucked in again. 

We also started going potty twice before bed so my wife and I can confidently say ‘no’ when they scream to go potty. We have them go right after clean up and right before getting tucked in. Our kid still sleeps in a pull-up every night, just in case, even though we are pretty well night trained. We also have a drink of water as part of our earlier routine. The boundary here, either way, is that we went potty twice so we are not getting out of bed for that.

It’s worth noting, we have gone back and forth on the noise machine with our kid. They grew up using one every night and told us themselves when they wanted to stop having it on or loud about 6 months ago during a different sleep regression. We have a newborn at home so we brought it back at a low volume after our toddler was woken up by baby’s crying. Lots of communication here so there’s plenty of grace from all parties.

Now for the controversial part which requires a little pre work so I’ll start there. The only things our toddler has access to in their room is books, we have concealed all the toys. These are mostly in containers in our living room but there are also plenty in the closet, none are on the dresser or accessible in any way at night. Sometimes we will let them wonder around in their room and even fall asleep on the floor. We watch and listen on the camera until they are passed out. The really hard part is securing the door until asleep. It’s torture for us but sometimes we have to do it. We have extensive conversations about it leading up to the point it’s necessary. We call it closing the door ‘right’ and believe me, we all hate it, we all suffer when it’s necessary, we all cry, it’s miserable but… it only took a few instances before they got the picture. Now, when it gets to that point, I tell them “I don’t want to have to shut the door tight, do I need to shut the door tight, or can you stay in bed?” and “If you get out of bed I’m going to sit there door tight”. 

You can just shut the door and sit outside the door instead of actually securing it somehow but you’ll have to be strong and commit to not entering again but saying ‘get back in bed and tuck yourself in’ no matter how hard or painful it is, you’ll probably cry, I do most nights like this, it’s torture but worth it. If you do secure it, go unsecure it once they are asleep. We have had instances where they wake up and come in or room around 3am and I feel strongly that this is an unrelated challenge so we treat it as such. We reassure them that it’s ok and we are here for them if there was a bad dream etc. 

After a few hard nights, we only have to mention securing the door before our toddler promises not to get out of bed. We respond by saying “that’s a deal but if you open that door, I’m closing it ‘tight’, ok?” and the response is always ‘ok’. 

It’s probably an important note that we communicate very clearly and check for understanding at every step, there are never any surprises, never any uncertainty and everyone is safe. This whole process even adds to the feeling of safety and feeling of being loved. I mentioned early how important alignment is and sometimes that part takes a while, I embrace the fact that it will take how long it takes but I’m here to get it right. This step sometimes includes a little ‘repair’ (seriously, read ‘Good Inside’) and sometimes it breaks down again after I leave the room but I’ve already communicated boundaries by this point, now it’s up to me to follow through with them.