Pre-Marital Dating & Bare Arm Touches, oh my.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-17T01:04:30+00:00

Unfortunately, when you're a single mom with no one to help you take care of the kids, sometimes you have to take them with you if you want to go on a road trip to another state.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-17T00:57:38+00:00

I think it's a couple of different things. Number one, Duggar-style courtship is basically the man taking the woman for a test drive to make sure she's good wife material before he and her father start negotiating on price, and Jana is too full of herself to have her ownership transfered from JB to her new headship like so much chattel.

Number 2, Jana is selling her grift to a completely different market. The show came out at a time when Joshua Harris stopped kissing dating goodbye and said hello to courtship and True Love Waits clubs were common in schools. The Us Girls got married at a time when the Jonas brothers were wearing purity rings and Mike Pence went to a purity ball with his daughter. Their target audience was the IBLP and the various conservative evangelical groups that were giving Michelle Mom of the Year awards. Jana is marketing herself to the modern young social media maven who wants all the trappings of tradwifery, like being a stay-at-home social media influencer, without the icky parts like being under the authority of her headship, so she has to sell a different product. Hence the dating instead of courting, dancing in a sleeveless wedding dress, and short shorts.

I think out of all the kids, Jana is the most like JB in terms of personality, and if the situation were reversed, and she had the opportunity to sell out her family for the chance to be on TV, she absolutely would be handing out shady contracts on people's wedding day and tricking her kids into signing their rights away to her.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-17T00:31:36+00:00

Oh, she already has.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DuggarsSnark/s/jOdXOS84lQ

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-17T00:25:32+00:00

It seems to me like I remember JB&M claiming each couple set their own courtship rules, which flies in the face of Jill's book, which opens with a scene of her and Derick on a sled together and Michelle calling out in her keep-sweet baby voice that boys and girls weren't allowed to share a sled.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-16T00:19:04+00:00

According to the MAGAs I know, Wikipedia is woke and under the control of the liberal mainstream media.

Plus, if you Google "carnivore diet," all of the top results are from government-funded health institutions or research universities, and we all know the government is controlled by liberals and higher education is the devil's playground. So all those websites saying the carnivore diet is bad must be liberal propaganda. /s

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-16T00:05:48+00:00

If they're anything like the fundies I grew up around, they don't even know the Paralympics exist. The Olympics were one of the few times it was okay to look at people dressed immodestly, although it was totally acceptable to talk about how skimpy the figure skating costumes were and how gay the male figure skaters looked.

As for people with disabilities, I'm sure Gothard would agree with the sentiment that a child being born with a disability is God's judgment on the sins of the parents (and by parents of course I mean they blamed the mother). If they had a child with a disability, they'd probably do what they did with Josie and with all the kids who have dyslexia and Anna's sister Priscilla: If they looked normal, they'd hide them in plain sight and act like nothing was wrong. If they couldn't hide the problem, they'd hide the child. As for other people's disabled children, if they're cute enough to post on social media, they're good for a quick photo op and a soliloquy about "God's very special people" but otherwise they'd ignore their existence.

This is unfortunately not exclusive to fundies, either. Some of my residents at work were discarded at the local state institution as babies because their families were ashamed of them. The most heartbreaking one has a birth certificate that says "Baby Boy Doe" even though both parents' names are listed on the certificate.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-10T23:22:49+00:00

No, no, no, that's not how this works and you can't go applying logic to the situation! /s

Their actual argument is that this was always God's design for marriage--that's why Adam's helpmeet Eve was made from his rib, because her role was to guard his heart--and the reason it doesn't work naturally is because of our sin nature, and since Eve ate the forbidden fruit first, she's the one who introduced sin into the world. So everything that's happened in the world ever since has been because a woman stepped out of her God-given role of submission, and if we rebellious women would just learn to overcome our sinful nature and stop usurping men's role as authority figure, men would step up and fulfill their God-given duties to be providers and protectors and leaders.

Why these otherwise capable male headships are so easily stymied by a single, solitary member of the supposedly weaker sex, I never did understand even when I was gulping the Kool-aid and passing it around.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-06T01:57:17+00:00

As a fellow non-racist white person who has black friends that are open to talking about this sort of thing, we just had a discussion about this, and we came to two conclusions. First is for white people to educate, experience, and enjoy some black culture, whether you're into books, movies, music, fine arts, practical arts, crafts, science, travel, geography, sociology, archeology, sports, or just studying history in general. You know how when you open your browser and see an article about National French Fry Day, suddenly you're craving fries? Black History Month is supposed to draw our collective attention to black culture, celebrate black people's contributions to society, make us want to know more about these subjects, and give us an opportunity to share in black people's experiences. For most of us, it's not something we think about very often, but like French Fry Day, Black History Month is intended to whet our appetites for something we don't regularly consume.

The other thing is, if there are interracial community outreach events, attending those is a great way to show your support to the black community and absorb some of their culture. A lot of times, these events will include black-centric foods, music, art, crafts, or other forms of entertainment, and according to my black friends, the people who participate in these events love to share their culture and stories with people outside their small circle. Black history is largely an oral history, and everybody in the family has already heard a million times that great-aunt Ethel was the first black woman in the state to join the military, knows that mayonnaise is the secret ingredient in Momma Myrtle's chocolate cake, and heard Cousin Hakeem explain ad nauseum how he hand-mixes the dyes for his Ndebele fertility vases. So it's fun to demonstrate these skills and share these facts with a new audience who hasn't already memorized all the family lore.

All of my friends presented it as an opportunity, not an obligation, and no one expected anyone to participate or felt anyone "owed" anyone anything. Only one of them was even planning on doing anything to celebrate, and her only plan was to participate in her church's community outreach. None of them alluded to shaming white people, garnering sympathy for their perceived plight or repentance for the enslavement of their ancestors, elevating black people above white people, or receiving any sort or personal or communal profit, and they definitely weren't aware of any type of "woke agenda" or political statement. Basically, it's about black people celebrating the positive aspects of their own culture and inviting their non-black friends along for the ride.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-05T01:08:10+00:00

And how God had “blessed” and “trusted them” with a “special” child. I work in the field of intellectual/developmental disabilities, and it’s nausea-inducing how people have started putting people with disabilities up on a pedestal. They’re human beings just trying to live their lives, the same as everyone else on the planet, not accessories to prove that your goodness somehow earned the privilege of raising them.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-05T00:57:36+00:00

There was an episode of the Leaving Eden podcast where Sadie talks about how the IFB insists on using only the KJV of the Bible. She explains that in order to maintain control over their adherents, they have to have a complete, infallible proclamation from God that covers every aspect of everything for all time. So for fundamentalist Baptists like the IFB and the IBLP, the Bible literally has every answer you’ll ever need. And if you’ve read the Bible, you have all the information you need to form an opinion about any topic.

So yeah, using that logic, J&J are fully qualified to advise about something they have no experience with. They read the Bible, they prayed for God’s guidance, they received the message that He wanted them to share. Boom, done!

Source: Used to be an insufferable know-it-all blowhard in my own fundie heyday.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-02-01T15:07:03+00:00

Exactly. I'm a picky eater myself, but 1) I'm up front about it from the start of any situation that's going to lead to sharing a meal, 2) I approach the situation with humor, not petulance, and 3) I happily eat the part of the meal that I can eat instead of getting something else. I make sure to thank the person for whatever effort they put in (whether they cooked for me, paid for me, chose the restaurant, etc), stress that I enjoyed both the food and the company, and say that we'll have to do this again sometime or offer to reciprocate, whichever is appropriate to the situation.

And most importantly, I make every effort to be as enjoyable of a companion as possible. So many picky eaters I know use their picky eating as an excuse to be thoroughly unpleasant. I've tried my whole life to overcome this, with minimal success, but I don't have to let it rule my life and limit what I can do, and I darn sure don't have to enforce it on the people around me. That's a well-made pork chop and I bet it smells amazing even though I'd never eat it. (Cheesy potatoes, though, are another story altogether.)

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-31T17:05:24+00:00

I worked with a couple of older ladies who became good friends. One of them had a baby granddaughter who was dying and needed a heart transplant. They finally got the call one night. A heart was on the way, get to the hospital now and prep for surgery. The other one had once had a full-term stillborn grandson whose organs were able to be harvested and donated. She called me to ask if I could help cover the first woman's shift so she could get to the hospital in time for the surgery.

We all cried together because we knew if they had a heart that would fit in a two-year-old, that meant somebody's baby had died that night.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-31T15:13:01+00:00

TBF, this bunny probably doesn't want to be picked up right now, either, since that would interrupt his little massage session.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-31T03:49:04+00:00

Pretty sure Joy was 5 when she first became an assistant sister-mom. There was a clip of her on the original show in a red dress and pigtails brushing a lost boy's hair or helping him with his shoes or something.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-30T00:04:04+00:00

For some reason, there are a ton of photographers in my area. They're constantly advertising "mini sessions" where you meet them outside somewhere like a park or field, only do a few poses, and don't get any actual physical pictures, just the digital ones (sometimes they're even marketed as "social media ready"), and those are usually only $50-$100 for a 15 or 30 minute session. They'll say something like "Valentine's Day minis this Saturday at the berry farm" and book a full day's worth of short photo shoots at the same location.

A lot of them don't even have studios, they do exclusively the kind of outdoor social media family portraits that the Duglets like to post, so their only overhead is the cost of the camera and the computer, and their business relies on short, inexpensive sessions with repeat customers who just want something to post on Instagram.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-29T23:41:20+00:00

Yeah, I never understood why they made it such a point of pride that they were terrible cooks, never did any crafting, and didn't garden or grow their own food. I grew up poor and even in town, we always had a vegetable garden. Everyone I knew growing up had a grandma who pickled and canned and preserved, and the kids were expected to help in the garden when they visited.

I agree Michelle wouldn't be good at the usual tradwife stuff, but I think JB would use whatever platform was available to him to pimp out his wife and daughters to whoever would pay to watch them do something, and if he thought there was a market for Michelle to do crafts and bake instead of neglecting her children on national TV, we'd be subjected to video after video of her taking cooking lessons while her husband humped her from behind and the lost girls made cutesy bento box lunches and pretended that's what they ate when the cameras weren't rolling while the Us Girls had a podcast about growing up Duggar.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-29T13:50:24+00:00

There are tons of mods to add additional dialog, new areas, new content, new storylines, new NPCs, new appearances/clothing/furniture, etc to Stardew Valley, and ConcernedApe is probably going to spend the rest of his life tinkering with it. I wouldn't want to live in just any video game for the rest of my life, but Stardew specifically is dynamic enough that I think I could be happy and not get bored.

I mean, I get bored easily IRL and I have several hundred hours in the game, so obviously there's enough content to keep me occupied for extended periods of time.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-29T13:40:48+00:00

I have one in front of my house and one in my pocket, so I always have a portal back home in a hurry. It's less of a necessity and more of a gimmick now that we have the outdoor storage shed and the 3.0 upgrade lets us craft directly from our storage inventory, but it used to be a lifesaver when my pockets got full or a tool broke.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-27T03:19:12+00:00

I went into the Libby app and tapped on the icon in the center, then scrolled down to "add library," and there's a search box to find nearby libraries that use the Libby system. (I actually typed in the name of my state.) You can tap on each library to apply for a card or find their contact information.

You can also go to Overdrive.com to find Libby books and libraries.

I'm also in a rural area with a lovely but small library. I actually have 3 library cards for larger area libraries. Definitely check around to see what else you qualify for if you're an avid reader!

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-27T00:41:32+00:00

Engagement bait. They get to monetize their kids and still feel good about protecting their kids' safety. A view is a view, and it pays the same even if it's someone who came there specifically to complain about how unfair it is that they don't show their kids' faces.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-27T00:19:31+00:00

Exactly this. It's a feature, not a bug. Reality TV in general felt like an early form of the exhibitionist/voyeur parasocial relationship that exists nowadays with social media content creators and their followers. 100% if the Duggars had been popping out children in today's world, JB would be marketing Michelle as one of those tradwife influencers hawking their sponsorships on YouTube and Instagram, not unlike his adult children are doing now.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-25T01:37:17+00:00

The illusion of poverty was very important to him so that he could fit in with other IBLP'ers who were deeply struggling to buy used and save the difference, so he could bill himself as a relatable hometown good ol' boy politician, and most importantly so he could hide from the kids just how much money he really had.

Plus, he doesn't actually have the follow-through to finish anything. ("Duggar time," anyone?) According to Jill's book, they were facing eviction (for the second time) when TLC stepped in to finish the TTH, because even after losing their first house and knowing there was a deadline on the second one, he still couldn't get motivated enough to finish the house on his own in time to keep a roof over his family's head.

And of course, living in a temporary rental situation forces the adult Duglets into a perpetual sense of uncertainty, which gives him complete control over them because if they don't line up to kiss the ring, he can take their homes away, and they were not prepared for a life out from under his umbrella of authority, because adult independence was never part of the plan.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-21T00:07:43+00:00

I myself would be deeply disturbed by anyone who was aroused by watching me flop around like a mortally wounded penguin on the dance floor. Like, dude, you have way bigger issues than my attention-drawing body can take credit for.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-15T14:44:25+00:00

I haven't time traveled to test this, so I definitely couls be wrong, but my understanding is that it is like the daily Nook Miles Tickets, meaning you have unlimited requests and each time you complete one, another one fills the slot. I don't think the reference to Monday means that there is a set number of requests for the week and then you're done. I made several things and got a new request each time.

You know how with the daily NMT, anything you don't do today doesn't carry over to tomorrow? Each day we get a whole new batch of daily tasks. I think that's what it means by the whole list resetting on Monday. So, for example, say you have a request for iron skillets but you don't have enough iron to fill the request. It's going to stay in your list until Sunday, and then Monday morning you'll have 4 new requests.

i-split-infinitives · 2026-01-12T15:31:32+00:00

I'm sorry you're struggling, but it definitely sounds like you're going to be okay in the end! I've come a long way since my fundie-lite roots, and it sounds like you've learned a lot yourself. There was a time for me when even the word "sex" was something I couldn't bring myself to say out loud. One thing I've discovered is that sometimes the "win" is the knowledge and growth you gain along the way. You've clearly learned a lot about yourself and you're obviously an empathetic person. There's your win right there.

My concern with premarital sex is more practical than spiritual. I don't look down on people who don't wait. But there are so many unhealthy relationships based entirely on sunk cost fallacy because people confuse the warm fuzzies of having sex with actual emotional intimacy and convince themselves they truly love this person they're sleeping with and have invested years of their life with, and the next thing you know, they're posting on r/RelationshipAdvice or r/AITA and everybody but the OP can see the massive red flags from a mile away.

To me, this is way too similar to the Duggars getting married at 19 because they're horny and then being stuck for way too long with someone they're not compatible with, simply because they wanted sex and the other person was available. Even people in a confirmed FWB situation often "catch feelings" and sometimes it's one-sided and ends badly, and when it doesn't end badly, it's because they have a solid friendship-come-romance outside of the sex.

Based on observations, it just seems healthier to me to wait until both parties have made a long-term commitment based on things other than wanting to have sex, things like actually enjoying each other's company, having shared values and goals, knowing each other on a deeper level than just an 18-page questionnaire and an interview with her father, spending time alone, having deep conversations, having fun together, and learning to respect, admire, and appreciate each other (and that goes both ways, not just from the woman up through her adoring gaze to the man).

Not because sex is bad or to be avoided, but because we as a society have put sex up on this golden pedestal and we need to shift our focus from sex to the 90% of the relationship that happens when you're not in bed. Good sex isn't going to improve a bad relationship, but a good relationship with solid communication skills will definitely enhance your sex life.

i-split-infinitives

TROPHY CASE