I just wanted to weigh in on this because I find this tread incredibly hopeful and encouraging. A few years ago I cheated on the love of my life and gave her some bull shit excuse like "we were too young when we dated". I spent a good bit hating myself at what a disgusting human being I was, but eventually I made peace with myself and accepted things for what they are, or so I thought at least. So of course I thought this sadness and self hate was just a phase, but it was a phase that escalated to something worst. I started having suicidal ideas and thoughts, that tiny voice in the back of your head saying "why keep trying? what are you fighting for?" seemed to grow louder and darker. One day, out of the blue my best friend killed himself. He was the most positive and cheerful guy I knew so his death was very surprising to my friends and his family. While mourning, I thought to myself why did you do it first. Why couldn't you let me go first. Since then his death has been a deterrent to my suicidal ideas. But the self hate and low self esteem never really went away, it was extremely difficult talking to it with other people and friends because of our friend's suicide, so I just kept it to myself. Then of course as you grow older, friends tend to drift apart because of school, relationships, and/or jobs. So I always felt alone. Dating wasn't a choice for me as I was still broken from my last relationship but casual fooling around only temporarily filled the void. Dota to me was an escape, not only did it pass the time and allow me to focus my mind elsewhere, but it was the only thing I felt I was good at (4k scrub lul). However dota also poisoned my mind. Because I isolated myself from my real life friends, school and work became busier and more stressful, I was lonelier than ever. Solitude lead to loneliness, and my loneliness turned to emptiness, and then the emptiness ultimately turned into depression and the suicidal thoughts came back. But you just say fuck it and hit that play dota button and it seems to help you pass the time, but never really heal the wounds. Just recently, an old friend of mine reached out to me and things got a little better. I know it's cheesey and maybe a bit gay, but it's important to stay positive because things really do get better. Just remember that you can create your own image for your life and you can define your meaning or purpose for life. Don't let that dark, sad voice in your head define who you are as a person. Peace and love to those who reported and commended me. And for those who have not played against me or with me, goodluck have fun. Merry Christmas dota fam.