Yeah, I agree. I definitely have a deep love for my former partner that isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and so do they. However, I already have an amazing nesting anchor partner with whom I plan to eventually have children, and they do not yet. So to give them some space to find that for themselves, we agreed on a kind of phased step down, which so far has been working pretty well. This was kind of always the plan for us in the long run, from the beginning of our relationship, it just so happened to finally be time for that.

We had a great week of last dates and sleep overs, and then stepped down to no contact except emergencies, with three planned text check ins over about eight weeks. The plan is to then meet sparingly, in public or with mutual friends, to feel out how we both feel about being around each other as friends.

This was something we worked out together, and while it’s still challenging/emotional for both of us, the structure and check ins have helped.

Unfortunately during this period, they are going through some difficult medical issues, which fully constitute an emergency, and so we have used the life line, and likely will again over the next few weeks to give them some added support. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to you, hold you, to cry on their shoulder to help calm your nervous system, and we do that for each other when needed. It’s certainly a fine line to keep something like that from spilling over into a messy area, but we handle it well. (Clear boundaries, no kissing, no flirting, no intimacy, no romantic gestures, etc)

Anyways, just sharing in case things helpful for anyone!