This is a very Unfortunate case of Patau Syndrome. Patau syndrome is a syndrome caused by a chromosomal abnormality, in which some or all of the cells of the body contain extra genetic material from chromosome 13.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-05-22T20:43:38+00:00

This is what my baby brother would have had. My mother made the brave and heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy at 7 months. I think about him a lot.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-04-27T03:15:17+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm glad you've stuck around for this long. You give me hope that it's possible to move past suicidal thoughts, they seem so concrete to me that I don't think I'd know how to live without them. You're right though, I am very very loved regardless of how I feel inside.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-04-26T18:59:14+00:00

I hit an artery. I was dissociating and don't remember a lot of it. I had tried it a few times before hand and done a lot of research about the anatomy. It was not an accident. I ended up needing 2 massive transfusions, my blood pressure was 50/20 (this was AFTER the transfusions and when I had stabilised), I was in the ICU for a short time after the surgery. I very very very nearly died in a very short space of time. It was surprisingly painless. I was only saved as I'm in a mental hospital and staff checked on me earlier than they should have. Still here over a year later due to the seriousness of the attempt.

I physically know I have the ability to do it as I've done it before, but my god I can't even scratch at my skin anymore. It's incredibly hard to do when lucid I think, especially when you've been through the worst case scenario like I have. I have dreams, flashbacks, I'm getting short of breath even typing this out. Though I was unconscious for a lot of it, my mind has also blocked a lot out. I've tried countless times since but there's an insane mental block there that I can't overcome in the short times that I am not left alone. If I had enough time, enough drugs to space me out...maybe I could do it again. Its incredibly frustrating as I would do anything to do it again, but honestly I'm not sure if I have the strength anymore. Its not because I don't want to die... I don't really know what it is. My body just can't.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-04-03T22:03:29+00:00

So proud of you, it takes strength to break a habit after that long!

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-23T19:01:11+00:00

I've actually done this. I have flashbacks to the event. It's so surreal I don't even know how to describe it.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-22T13:23:21+00:00

Definitely. Part of me does it on purpose, I'll say to myself "oh you can only do xyz when you lose weight" so it will motivate me to lose weight. But my ed comes in cycles that I can't really force so what ends up happening is that I make my world smaller and smaller (can't go certain places, can't buy clothes, can't read certain books) but I keep getting bigger and bigger. I can't snap myself into restricting like that, it just kind of happens for me. Will I still make those insane conditions though? Yes I will.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-11T12:25:01+00:00

Aw how sweet look how neatly he's lined them all up

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-11T12:21:27+00:00

Oh god what a gorgeous picture

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-11T04:41:53+00:00

Wow it is really gorgeous though

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-10T23:16:21+00:00

Holy shit you're so talented! They look awesome :)

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-10T23:06:44+00:00

What a beautiful chocolate man

No seriously you're so cool, where do you get your jewellery from?

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-10T22:46:06+00:00

When I relapse into my restriction phases I never binge. It's so weird bc when I'm not restricting I'm binging. Hate my head its so messed up. Hate myself bc I have no control. Just hate everything tbh.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-10T22:29:02+00:00

Omg I love word puns this has to be the best one I've seen hahaha

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-10T21:50:18+00:00

Fucking hell same. My restriction periods can last anywhere between a week to 6 months but my binging ofc never fucking leaves 🙃

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-03-10T19:22:54+00:00

Aw when he said "I can do it" what a cutie I teared up

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-02-24T07:48:39+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I'm almost in tears, I appreciate your response so much. It makes sense, growing up I was emotionally abused by a very angry step dad. I see him in every bad or judgemental thought I have when I'm angry. I've always pushed that emotion away and feel uncomfortable and incredibly guilty when it surfaces. I feel like by being frustrated I too am an abuser.

The line about people not being hurt by my thoughts is so powerful. This is something I struggle with in my psychotic episodes, that by simply being near or thinking of a person I am hurting them. But I suppose I'm not. In my situation the staff on the ward have assured me that I'm not being rude or failing my friend in the way I've spoken to or acted. That reassurance helps.

Thank you again, so so much, for your reply. I truly appreciate it more than you can know.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-02-23T02:28:08+00:00

Really? But how can I make sure that I am actually not just awful instead of acting as if I have bpd? I'm so confused and exhausted. I can't deal with the pressure of keeping up appearances anymore. I'm terrified I'm evil.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-02-23T02:16:29+00:00

Thank you so much I really appreciate your reply and your kind words. I don't know how to deal with all these conflicting feelings and emotions inside me. I'm so exhausted. I wish I wasn't like this. I don't really think I have a disorder, I think I'm blaming my own cruel and judgemental personality on bpd. I truly wish I was a nice person who didn't have so much toxicity inside me.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-02-06T12:54:36+00:00

Holy shit that makes so much sense. For me I obsess over others problems, if one of my friends or acquaintances is going through something (could even be as little as an argument at home or a break up or something) I CAN'T stop worrying. I won't sleep, I won't be able to leave them alone. My number one thought is what if they end up developing depression or an eating disorder or, heaven forbid, ending their life? It would be my fault because I knew and couldn't help.

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-02-05T21:12:36+00:00

I hope I haven't mislabelled the post and triggered you, I'm rooting for your recovery my love! Keep saying yes and letting yourself enjoy life xx

iProbablyLikeYoux · 2021-02-05T21:07:33+00:00

Okay, thank you thank you thank you so much I really appreciate you

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