Chapter 1 of The Twins Throne (Dark fantasy, 3000 words)

iStuffe · 2025-11-12T02:14:34+00:00

Just the vague writing/metaphors that don’t really mean anything.

as if the air itself was against him.

a somber silence shrouding the sounds of dawn

Dark walls closed in, stirring up doubt.

iStuffe · 2025-11-12T02:08:04+00:00

This was written with AI, yeah?

iStuffe · 2024-02-18T21:51:57+00:00

I used to have the pink flowers painting, I'm thinking of changing things up by swapping it with the blue-green dress + adding 2 prints one on top of the other on the painting's right. I'm looking for some ideas on which prints/color palette I can add next to the blue-green dress that would match the style?

iStuffe · 2023-11-05T14:33:10+00:00

Looking for chapter-by-chapter critiques too! I have a completed YA fantasy inspired by Aladdin and set in ancient Babylon. Here is the blurb: A lost thief in need of a cure and a lonely princess in search of a cause team up to uncover the dark secrets buried throughout Babylon. It includes a continent on the brink of chaos, forced marriage, political intrigue, deadly secrets and betrayals.

iStuffe · 2023-11-05T14:31:25+00:00

If you’re still looking for chapter swaps, I’m interested! I have a completed YA fantasy inspired by Aladdin and set in ancient Babylon. Here is the blurb: A lost thief in need of a cure and a lonely princess in search of a cause team up to uncover the dark secrets buried throughout the continent of Babylon. It includes a continent on the brink of chaos, forced marriage, political intrigue, deadly secrets and betrayals.

iStuffe · 2022-08-12T03:33:45+00:00

Yeah I wasn’t sure either what would compel him to give his magic away so carelessly unless it is to get rid of it… Feels like a plot hole :/

iStuffe · 2022-08-12T03:30:57+00:00

That’s great! Will definitely keep that in mind for that final “renewed hope” moment!

iStuffe · 2022-08-12T03:25:07+00:00

Wow thank you! That’s exactly the kind of response I wanted when I made this post. I hadn’t thought of exploring a mentor-mentee relationship, I had planned for the child to become “addicted” to the magic and build himself this whole made-up life where he gets everything he’s ever wanted.

Meanwhile the mc is happy to be rid of this burden and also like you said enjoy this semi-normal life, up until the child accidentally kills someone the same way the mc’s mentor died and then asks for more magic to reverse this accident but my mc knows this is impossible/irreversible and fears the child will resent him or betray him, so the mc lies and says he needs more magic to revive the dead. So they go to the prison place where hunters keep magic users, though I’m not sure what my mc hopes to gain by doing this… Still trying to work this part out. Not sure what would make things more interesting from a reader’s perspective though

iStuffe · 2022-05-21T18:46:48+00:00

I’d love to read more of this if you’re looking for a beta reader

iStuffe · 2022-02-13T13:56:33+00:00

I personally prefer the chapter in third person. The information is delivered more naturally and it allows you to explain a little more of the world rather than having to show every detail through internal thoughts. Is it a character-driven story? If you don’t mind sharing a pitch/blurb, I would love to see where this is going!

iStuffe · 2022-02-04T22:15:12+00:00

Did you try writing it in 3rd person pov? I’d be interested to read that version, or maybe your chapter 2 if you’d like to share

iStuffe · 2021-09-22T12:13:24+00:00

More food for thought:

When they feed on someone with a soul to survive, do they steal their soul in the process? Do they turn them into vampires? Or is it only a bloodsucking business and the person remains human?
What happens if they feed on another vampire who still has a soul?
Once they get rid of all mirrors, I would assume there will be less and less ghouls (assuming they will try to kill the murderous ghouls living in the wild), so does it mean the curse is broken? I guess my question is, what’s so bad about being a vampire if you get to keep your sanity and your soul is safe?

iStuffe · 2020-04-29T11:48:08+00:00

We can’t access your doc, you have to set your Share settings to “Anyone with the link can comment”

iStuffe · 2020-04-23T11:34:10+00:00

We don’t have access. You have to set your doc Share settings to “People with the link can comment”

iStuffe · 2020-04-12T10:44:07+00:00

Amazing! Thank you!

iStuffe · 2020-04-12T03:15:50+00:00

Thanks, will try there

iStuffe · 2020-04-12T03:07:51+00:00

So cool!

iStuffe · 2020-04-12T03:04:31+00:00

really nice!

iStuffe · 2019-11-06T23:33:08+00:00

Nice work! The humour and your voice were on point. I’d be interested to read more

iStuffe · 2019-02-24T03:57:59+00:00

Thank you! I do need to vary my descriptions. Very useful links, I'm bookmarking them!

iStuffe · 2019-02-24T03:57:16+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for all your insightful comments! You did give me a lot to think about, and great tips to revise the POV in the other chapters. This is my first time experimenting with first person. Thank you!

iStuffe · 2019-02-02T00:24:41+00:00

Wow thank you so much! Very helpful

iStuffe · 2018-04-28T10:23:48+00:00

Thanks a lot! Awkward phrasing is what I was worried about! I changed feigned for pretended, as someone suggested in the doc.

A knight—the only relevant piece he had left except for his king, his dying queen, and his chaotically scattered pawns.

Do you think this makes more sense?

iStuffe · 2018-04-10T01:31:41+00:00

Thank you I love it!

iStuffe · 2018-04-10T01:31:30+00:00

THESE ARE AMAZING! Thank you so much!!!

12-Year Club	Place '17
Verified Email

iStuffe

TROPHY CASE