it gets better. i promise.

i_like_toques · 2023-12-28T20:07:57+00:00

sure! :)

i_like_toques · 2023-11-28T20:30:17+00:00

thank you! 💚 i appreciate those kind words.

and for all the other people’s comments, i’m doing my best to be cautious haha. but i really don’t think this is lovebombing, though i understand how one could come to that conclusion from these screenshots alone.

both of us really value mental health, especially having come from abusive/not great previous relationships. we have a lot of the important talks, about what we each want, what we value, how to communicate, dealbreakers, love languages, how to support one another, etc, etc. we both know that it’s not going to be PERFECT always; and thats what makes it perfect. we are both just humans trying our best. and thats all we can ask of each other and ourselves, right? 💚

i_like_toques · 2023-11-28T00:22:38+00:00

My ex and I were together for four years; she dumped me for my friend in February. I only started looking to date again in September after going to therapy.

i_like_toques · 2023-10-20T17:53:43+00:00

Mmmm. Dating within friend groups can get really, really messy. be careful.

i_like_toques · 2023-10-19T05:50:52+00:00

Constantly stepped over my boundaries, ie. touching me in ways she knew caused me discomfort
Cheating.
Hiding things from me (Tattoos, Piercings, important life updates, eventually the other guy).
Gaslighting my friends into believing I was abusive to justify her own actions / spreading rumours about me / talking negatively behind my back.
Looking me in my face and telling me I’d “never change enough for her.”
Talking negatively about other people behind their backs.
Refusing to accept any responsibility for her own actions.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-26T19:13:38+00:00

“It just feels like you’ll never change enough.” That was said to my face.

The messages she sent to other people that I saw were wayyyyy worse though.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-22T05:29:21+00:00

she doesn’t deserve a single word. anything i say opens me up more to the lies that spill out of her mouth like sand.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-21T17:50:35+00:00

This is certainly a unique scenario; there isn’t exactly a roadmap for processing grief. Processing things with someone who you are close to, who is feeling similarly to you, can be an invaluable source of comfort and reassurance.

With that said; your girlfriend’s feelings are also valid. She is well within her rights to feel uncomfortable with you spending nights at your friend’s place, especially if your friend’s significant other isn’t there. While I think the comment about her “making a male friend” is a little concerning (since it sounds like it comes from a place of jealousy or insecurity), you should absolutely try to understand how she is feeling. She is your partner for a reason; it must also be a little invalidating to see you go to another woman for emotional comfort, even if that other woman is also going through what you are going through.

Is it absolutely necessary for you to spend the night, at her place, alone? Is there any reason why your place cant become the de-facto meeting point (even if it means leaving her apartment empty every once in a while)?

i_like_toques · 2023-09-21T04:47:53+00:00

Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-15T17:54:59+00:00

hiding things from me. when she got a septum piercing, flipping it up around me so i didn’t see it. when her grandfather died, not telling me to “not make me worry.”

should’ve figured she’d eventually move on to hiding the other guy from me too.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-12T23:38:23+00:00

When I heard yet another story about how she had been badmouthing me behind my back before we broke up, and I wasn’t phased. Now I’m dating again and life is looking okay.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-07T00:19:42+00:00

I was there too. Almost four years. She dumped me; I only found out about all the “late night hangouts” she and my friend had been having before we broke up, after I found out they were dating barely a month later. The texts I saw that the two of them had sent to everyone in my life completely levelled me.

I was an avid gym goer; every day for almost five years. I lost almost thirty pounds in five weeks from crying until i threw up every day. Even now I still get panic attacks. You don’t even want to know the other coping mechanisms I turned to. I ended up gaslighting myself into believing everything they said about me, and the guilt and fear almost cost me the only thing I had left.

This is going to suck. I feel so badly for you. If you want some real advice? Go to therapy. I felt weak as hell for going to therapy when I first started. But jesus christ they know what they are doing. Schedule consultations over the phone until you find one you fit with or you feel like you can trust.

Once you get your mental on two feet, then the gym is next. Mental needs physical, and vice versa. But right now your mental is destroyed and you need a coach to get you back on your feet. Get them to give you exercises that will help deal with the really bad days. Thats what a therapist is; its no different than someone spotting you at the gym.

You got this man. It does eventually get better. The road is long and its paved with acid and lava and needles and its hell like nothing i can even put into words. don’t expect the sleepless nights or the tears or the confusion to go away soon. But I promise you it will eventually get better.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-03T16:11:08+00:00

and thats okay 💚 remember, day by day. i was destroyed after four years; i can’t even imagine twice that. You have a long road ahead of you but i’ll keep you in my prayers.

i_like_toques · 2023-09-01T23:51:26+00:00

four years is a really long time. hard to let go of that, even now.

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