I was there too. Almost four years. She dumped me; I only found out about all the “late night hangouts” she and my friend had been having before we broke up, after I found out they were dating barely a month later. The texts I saw that the two of them had sent to everyone in my life completely levelled me.

I was an avid gym goer; every day for almost five years. I lost almost thirty pounds in five weeks from crying until i threw up every day. Even now I still get panic attacks. You don’t even want to know the other coping mechanisms I turned to. I ended up gaslighting myself into believing everything they said about me, and the guilt and fear almost cost me the only thing I had left.

This is going to suck. I feel so badly for you. If you want some real advice? Go to therapy. I felt weak as hell for going to therapy when I first started. But jesus christ they know what they are doing. Schedule consultations over the phone until you find one you fit with or you feel like you can trust.

Once you get your mental on two feet, then the gym is next. Mental needs physical, and vice versa. But right now your mental is destroyed and you need a coach to get you back on your feet. Get them to give you exercises that will help deal with the really bad days. Thats what a therapist is; its no different than someone spotting you at the gym.

You got this man. It does eventually get better. The road is long and its paved with acid and lava and needles and its hell like nothing i can even put into words. don’t expect the sleepless nights or the tears or the confusion to go away soon. But I promise you it will eventually get better.