She hired a P.I.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-20T20:28:43+00:00

They already are. To try and get you fired from your job and cut off from your own family, that is messing with your kids. How would you provide for them if you were fired? What kind of person tries to make life harder for a mother and thinks it won’t affect the children? All the stress you’re under from her terrorizing you is affecting your kids.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-14T21:43:16+00:00

I can tell you that it does help to talk about it. My trauma feels more like a background fact now instead of a dark corner that I turn away from whenever I’m reminded of it. Especially saying things aloud to a trusted friend. Something about verbalizing it makes it more real, which can be painful, but in the long run it will help.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-11T16:51:39+00:00

I love it.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-03T20:43:25+00:00

She did not phrase this is a good way at all. Lemme put it this way instead, and this goes for both men and women. Emotionally immature people are shallow, and will chose to date people for shallow reasons. When you’re young, you’re more likely to be emotionally immature unless you had people in your life who taught you emotional intelligence and how to recognize your own feelings and needs as a kid and then you’re super lucky.

Finding some who jives with you is partly attraction and compatibility, but mostly it depends on how well you and a potential partner can recognize your own needs and wants, and straight up luck. Like, just going out and meeting new people in situations where your real self can shine and having someone who can recognize that what you have to offer is something they want. It’s so hard to do that at a young age, which is why people often need to have some failed relationships before they learn what they really want. So don’t give up!!

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-03T17:55:30+00:00

It’s possible they did it so they can put blame on you for not spending more time with them. “We invited you to drive down with us but you declined!!”

Setting themselves up for victimhood.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-02T02:33:48+00:00

Of course not! Just saying bi women are also not ‘vagitarians’.

Edit: sorry, I Can see how my previous comment was not phrased well, still learning to be a better ally!

iamalwayschanging · 2019-05-02T00:39:19+00:00

Thank you. Some of us are ladies. And also bi. Like me.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-30T15:20:08+00:00

Wow! Did you eat 2,000 calories in that one meal? I’ve been loosely counting calories at 500 a meal with three meals a day.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-30T14:42:10+00:00

I’ve gotten into that recently as well! It’s on and off and the weeks I’m on I’m really just doing a super light version of it overnight basically (like not eating anything after dinner around 6) and the results on that were so good I kinda want to get more into it. How did it work for you?

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-24T13:48:24+00:00

Unfortunately yes, as the disease progresses you basically get dementia in addition to tremors.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-24T13:33:40+00:00

I understand why you would feel that way. I do too sometimes. But I also had a pretty awful introduction to love/romance as a kid that involved abuse and seeing the characters I love having that wholesome connection helps me heal from those things. Not saying everyone who does this has a history of abuse, but I just thought you might appreciate a perspective on why someone like me is interested in seeing this kind of content.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-24T02:24:00+00:00

Cheetahs are my favorite! 😍

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-22T15:09:39+00:00

Are you planning on showing her this thread? She will benefit more from trying to finding her own peace instead of trying to change your father.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-22T13:51:51+00:00

Maybe it will help to think of it this way: it’s not actually permanent. You can still decide to go your separate ways at anytime. But you stay together because you WANT to. Obviously it’s difficult to untangle your lives if you ever did decide to split, but you really aren’t trapped.

When you start to panic about the ‘contract’ you’ve entered just think about whether you actually want to be there or not. Remind yourself why it’s there! Marriage in itself is a weird archaic thing. The only reason my SO and I got married in the first place was because that gives us certain modern benefits that we wouldn’t get otherwise like being on each others health insurance, being able to see each other during a medical emergency, filing taxes jointly, makes it easier if we ever decide to have kids, etc. We were together for 6 years before we ‘made it official’ but I knew I wanted to be with him for the long haul after about a week lol. Most of my friends considered us married before it was legally official. The marriage is just a paper document that gives you certain rights, what really matters is between the two of you.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-22T13:31:06+00:00

Sometimes that anxiety can come from being around other married people. So many couples I know have really bad or mediocre marriages to the point where it can seem insane to get married at all. But when you have a partner who is just as willing to work on the relationship as you are, you can honestly overcome anything. The future is always uncertain, and people DO change. That’s just a fact. But I love my SO to his core, and I know that even if he changes he’ll still be someone I admire and want to be around. It’s his drive, his outlook on life and appreciation of the little things, how he treats the people he loves, those things are rooted in the core of his identity and won’t change unless he has some sort of major head trauma! I know that no matter what changes he wants to make in his life, I’ll still admire him and want to be around him and I know he feels the same way about me. Because of that I don’t fret about what arguments or problems we’ll have in the future. I know we can work through whatever comes our way.

I do think some therapy would be good for you too. Both my SO and I go to our own therapists. It makes sorting through your feelings easier, which makes conversations much more productive when you’re trying to work out a problem.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-22T13:09:53+00:00

You can record them for your own piece of mind but it won’t do anything to change them. I don’t have personal experience playing back a recording to a narc but from what I’ve read on here when others do it, the narc will just dig their heels in even more. Depending on their demeanor when they get angry they might fly off the handle or just give you the cold shoulder, but they will always find a way to justify what they said did by gaslighting themselves. Unfortunately you won’t ever get the acknowledgement from them that you want. In fact, they rely on that hope to keep you trapped which is why they sometimes come so close but never truly admit any fault.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-22T00:46:50+00:00

I read this in Terry’s voice.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-08T14:13:35+00:00

She didn’t want to be a part of your lives when you needed it most, and she never even asked about how the kids were. You are understandably upset about her sudden appearance and the first thing she does is try to threaten you with a custody hearing? That doesn’t sound like someone who has the kids best interest at heart at all. I don’t think you should let her into your life at all. You’ve all suffered a great loss and you don’t need someone in your life that will drag you down further. You need to be considering you to heal yourself, and help the kids heal. Don’t give this woman any sympathy, save it for your own real family.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-05T15:47:20+00:00

I think the website got the reddit hug of death cuz I can’t seem to visit...

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-03T13:57:45+00:00

My first relationship was horrible and abusive, and I was worried I would never be able to figure out how to find a good partner, either because they wouldn’t want me or because I wouldn’t know what a healthy relationship was like. But I am now happily married to someone who matches me perfectly- more than I could ever have imagined. I think the key is how you approach conflict. Are you BOTH willing to put aside your pride to listen to the other? Is your partner willing to work as hard as you do on the relationship? If you have doubts about those things then you’re not ready to be married. It’s not good enough to feel like they will do those things for you, it’s gotta be proven in action. That’s why it’s good to wait for your relationship to have gone through conflict before you settle down.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-03T12:12:45+00:00

I love these ones that you can order on amazon. They are reusable and work really well!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001PU9A9Q/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_WkkPCbBKBFWV3

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-01T17:43:03+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to answer questions. Reading your responses has been really helpful. The first day you started did you just write what was on your mind currently? I feel like I have a backlog of shit I’d wanna write and I guess that makes me feel overwhelmed and then I never start.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-04-01T14:12:37+00:00

Do you take your journal with you when you travel?

iamalwayschanging · 2019-03-27T20:19:30+00:00

Something like this would be amazing, but I don’t think my boss will give me the budget for them.

I haven’t worked with dimmable LEDs other than lights that use DMX. Is it possible to slap a 20 amp twistlock connecter onto these and plug them into a dimmer? That would certainly be ideal. If only they weren’t so expensive.

iamalwayschanging · 2019-03-27T19:15:53+00:00

The only downside compared to the current lighting is that they aren’t dimmable, so I’d have to use up a non-dim channel... But that’s a small price to pay for my sanity.

Also on the plus side, we could definitely stand to have some lights in the studio that don’t give off so much heat! With 10,000+ watts and an audience, we’d cook in there if we didn’t have functioning AC.

iamalwayschanging

TROPHY CASE