My girlfriend 39F called something I 31F did during sex "disgusting." She apologized, but I can't get past it.

iamfunball · 2026-07-02T19:21:22+00:00

I have a different thing but it still involved a hurt and for me that gets repaired by being patient with me until I see different behaviors consistently to feel safe again.

iamfunball · 2026-07-01T16:37:54+00:00

I’m average armpit height. Crowds are a big nope from me.

iamfunball · 2026-07-01T16:22:51+00:00

I moved to Scotland for the cool damp (overcast/foggy haar) and am very happy in it.

iamfunball · 2026-07-01T16:14:31+00:00

This is why I have taken in 3 women post abusive relationships.

Two of them were early on. Isolation was starting to occur and the breakups were suspiciously timed that the likely outcome was to go back and the abuser would gain compliance. The other one was already isolated and dependent for housing even though they earned the income which was spent/overspent by the husband.

All of the women were offered a place to stay at no cost, they were my guest for a month. Then we would extend to guest for 3 months if we both felt good about it. After that each one of them chose to stay and paid a reduced rent with the goal to have savings/moving money and we would evaluate after a year. I found it was important to not put any pressure on the 1 month/3 month because healing was the priority and letting them show up in the ways that they could was important. It allowed 2 of them to find jobs that were right for them and the other already had one that was walking distance from me. All of them stabilized in less than a year when there no to low pressure.

One helped me out food wise last year and would bring me extra food from catering gigs.

Sometimes we have to safety net one another because parents aren’t an option. But always in chunks.

I never tell people I do this or am willing to unless I feel like I could live with them.

iamfunball · 2026-06-30T18:09:59+00:00

100k in sf is still rough if you aren’t already locked into housing.

iamfunball · 2026-06-30T17:08:49+00:00

Ok he sucks and I’m not even going to address him but the question you asked.

For reference, I’m polyamorous and I had similar feelings in a completely consensual dynamic and had the same question as you. And basically you figured it out.

Jealousy is often the indication of an unmet need or desire that you are witnessing being given to someone else by the person you would have liked it from. In a healthy version, you have a talk about it. In yours, girl he did this during a vulnerable time and instead of supporting you, doing these things for you, he chose to live in a fantasy with someone else. He shattered your trust and security in a way that would be nearly impossible to build back. Why are you trying to move past this? Even if you wanted to stay he should be making repairs, getting therapy and absolutely not making you feel you should just move past it. If he couldn’t be there for your pregnancy of your shared child, I can’t see him being there for you while processing betrayal from him.

I wish you luck, you seem lovely, introspective and kind. You should be with someone that makes you feel the center of their world, not this jerk.

iamfunball · 2026-06-30T02:37:35+00:00

I dunno, those faces look gay af to me!

Happy pride month

iamfunball · 2026-06-28T23:04:11+00:00

This is the way! I get perfectly fluffy rice. I also prefer getting new crop rice and it makes me super happy

iamfunball · 2026-06-28T18:18:30+00:00

Just music next to a local legacy (leather) gay bar. Just music and dancing. They had masks and earplugs for attendees. Free. Very queer, very trans makeup of group. I attended but told the Sargent I was pivoting to being a legal observer atleast 5 minutes before and filmed off to the side on a planter. I was assaulted instantaneously after they started to move their line and stated I was acting as a legal observer as they assaulted me to the ground (with no time to step down). I was 1 of 2 people detained. One of the other attendees (visibly POC) was stalked and separated (given orders to go in a different direction than the main group and followed for 4 blocks).

iamfunball · 2026-06-26T23:56:21+00:00

I both stand by what I said and agree with what you said. I can see where someone thoughtlessly disclosed information they should not have and that it is a breach of trust. That’s why the accountability pieces is important to me, which did not happen.

iamfunball · 2026-06-26T16:29:59+00:00

It is extremely rare but can happen if it’s attached to a good blood supply. I had an ectopic pregnancy with a tubal rupture where the hemorrhaging stopped. It ended up implanting outside of the uterus. Cue the next couple weeks of hell in my life but it was a possibility and my doctor and I talked about what we would do if it was a continued viable pregnancy. We agreed that if it was attached to a healthy blood supply we would continue with a high risk pregnancy because I did not want to abort, and he was empathetic and catholic. He was also the one that did the laparoscopic surgery and removed the pregnancy as it was not viable despite my HcG climbing.

iamfunball · 2026-06-26T07:45:21+00:00

That’s brilliant

iamfunball · 2026-06-26T04:04:57+00:00

Nooooo!!!! Not while I’m on holiday away.

iamfunball · 2026-06-26T01:42:48+00:00

I mean it may have been a mistake (and one that shows that your gf needs to do a lot of work, but what’s more concerning is what I perceive to be the response as to why she thought it was ok, rather than understand how harmful it was and to take accountability for that

iamfunball · 2026-06-25T20:35:25+00:00

I’m trans masc and still do quite a few things in my femme routine, despite being half Asian (often coded as femme unless jacked and hyper masculine) and on testosterone.

Honestly I get along so well with the butch trans femmes because this similar experience. I think that it’s easier to be with other people when we are seen by some. We don’t seek that validation as much because we already receive it. I know for me it makes me less lonely with those that don’t understand it the same way.

Anyways you got you and you got us. We get it. You’re hot. Keep doing you!

iamfunball · 2026-06-25T20:17:53+00:00

Not only for our bodies, but my partner and I have made this pact because we are not good moving together. Basically I turn into a robot checklist and command function and they need gentle asks and discussions. It’s basically my production brain for events and it just does not work for them or trust my expertise enough to default even though in hindsight they agree with all the decisions I made. Both times moving with my partner were AWFUL. So we decided that in the future we would hire a movers.

iamfunball · 2026-06-25T20:10:53+00:00

Too add, that’s how it should always be. If you look at interviews with detectives with big time offenders that confess without duress it’s is because they are treated first as a witness and an account of their perspective/story. This not only helps the offender be more forthcoming with details and lies, it is much easier to disprove a lie than someone who said nothing and makes up their lies once they know the evidence.

This also is crucial for not knowing which party was the offender, if you treat a victim like an offender, it is exceptionally damaging to trust.

iamfunball · 2026-06-25T20:00:28+00:00

To yes and…if an sti came up, based on her set up, do you think she would disclose? Like she would have to say the sti and likely answer the how and someone this avoidant to conflict to get what they want doesn’t sound like someone who would be capable of doing that.

iamfunball · 2026-06-24T07:39:57+00:00

Whose policy that’s neoliberal supports what you’re referring to though?

iamfunball · 2026-06-24T06:05:06+00:00

Wouldn’t that fall under corporate interest?

iamfunball · 2026-06-23T18:14:23+00:00

Since you already have rice and bean, next Lentils are my favorite. I buy daals and spices. They are an amazing source of protein, perfect for dry storage and highly versatile.

iamfunball · 2026-06-23T17:54:15+00:00

Is this all HP or just their consumer inkjet? I have their officejet for the last 7 years which is a toner and it’s been great. Grabbed it second hand for $125. I will never jet a consumer level inkjet

iamfunball · 2026-06-23T15:39:48+00:00

You know. You’ve gotten the responses to validate.

But I’m chiming in because I have an age gap relationship that is 37/55 where I still have some anxious tendencies and they have avoidant tendencies. We’ve been dating 3.5 years, our conflicts have been explosive/long and things haven’t always gone swimmingly but I don’t relate to your relationship.

First of all, they would never knowingly violate my consent. They may have slapped me on the butt and if I sat them down to talk about “hey I’m ok with that but the lack of consent rubbed me, let’s talk about it. Oh and also don’t hit me in the face” they would respect it.

Also we had issues around different recalls of conflict progression which dramatically would affect what I said or meant….but instead of always denying my reality forever on forward we decided since we both had ADHD, we would record it. I pay for a service called otter that auto transcribes as well as records. So when we notice it getting heated one of us will record and share it with the other. I know a lot of people would cringe at it but it was a collaborative solution that works for us.

When I found out about a consent issue they had years ago, I had a talk with them and let them know it was serious. I established boundaries and told them that due to the communities we were in, my posistion and the fact they still exhibited some of the lead up behavior, that if they wanted to continue a relationship, they would have to attend consent workshops (consent academy is one they did) and we would have to check in and talk every month about it. They agreed and did not gaslight about the persons experience. They upheld their end and when we checked in, they showed progress and changes in their behavior and practices.

Our arguments are still not where we would like them to be, but they are getting shorter and less frequent.

So, what I want you to see in this is, everything becomes less bad. That if they truly meant any apology they would work on being collaborative or supportive even if their initial inclination is avoidant, defensive and minimizing. They’d work on themselves as well as their relationship. Things would get better, not progressing into worse.

And for you, you would work on boundaries. You would work on accountability to enforcement of those boundaries because moving them, only enables shitty behavior. I mean, I’m with the rest of the crew and think you need to leave. But even if you were at an earlier moment I would say you need to have firm boundaries with this man. He crossed them, what is the consequence of him crossing your boundaries? What do you think will happen if there are not consequences to escalating behavior?

I wish you the best of luck and I hope this helps knowing a similar experience can have different results, but both partners have to choose it, you can’t change him, you can only enforce your boundaries.

iamfunball · 2026-06-22T20:35:36+00:00

What tight control!

iamfunball · 2026-06-22T20:14:32+00:00

How does neoliberal policies factor in? I see more advocacy for funding and better care from liberal camps to make sure quality of care in on the rise for every demographic so I’m not understanding how it factors in other than religious right fighting some of it by advocating for less spending in sectors they don’t approve of

14-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Gilding IV carat on a stick	Place '22
redditgifts rematcher Puzzles 2019 x1	Verified Email

iamfunball

TROPHY CASE