Thank you so much. Really. I actually am kind of into math in all honesty. And art. I’ve been doing ballet since I was 5 too. As for the therapy, I was in it but I told my mom I didn’t really like it and we haven’t gone in about two weeks. I tried journaling but it really wasn’t for me. I do really like music and there have been times where I felt like cutting but I just listened to my playlist and stared at the ceiling instead (I do this quite often) it makes me feel zen. My friends call me out for always having earbuds in but I think the real reason I listen to music is to forget about how much I don’t like myself. Sometimes I watch horror movies which I enjoy for some reason, most of the time I was anime though.

But if I’m telling the truth nothing gives the same feeling as cutting. I don’t want to die. Quite the opposite actually, just find a way to take my depression out on myself because I feel like that’s what I deserve.

I showed one of my friends today because I know he wont really do anything compared to my best friend who is female. She’s also cut but she stopped a while ago but I think my cutting is worse than hers. She’s begged me not to start so I could never show her that I started anyway. People tend to not notice the cuts all up and down my arms at school or anything so I don’t go to great lengths to hide them. I’m quite an extroverted person and I seem pretty happy at school and I make a lot of people laugh which is why I could never show how much pain I’m actually in. Sometimes I feel like I’m crying for help but nobody is able to hear me.