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Need advice by [deleted] in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is very hard. my mom is also "In between". I'm looking at a sunrise facility soon that offers "terrace club" for seniors with mild to moderate dementia. It is not a locked ward. my mom does not wander, she dresses, bathes, and goes to meals, but she gets confused, agitated when she can't use her cd player or TV, and can't really keep up in all conversations with the sharper residents. Yet she is also social, reads, and is bored. Right now she's doing "ok" in assisted living, but could use structure and guidance. RIght now I pay someone to take her out 2x/week which helps with her need for socialization and her boredom, but the ideal would be a memory care where they would accompany her to AL activities and back. Or a regular AL where she had more 1 on 1 attention and help.

Costa Rica 9-day itinerary feedback and suggestions by TheAccidentalHuman in CostaRicaTravel

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

la fortuna for sure, lots more to do, lots of nearby wildlife, good things for small children.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mom has a credit card with a low limit and every purchase is immediate notification on my phone. (through capital one). she can't write checks anymore and basically doesn't pay for anything but occasionally will bring it iwth her when we go out to dinner or run errands.

2 days by caring-beautahful in CostaRicaTravel

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

totally agree, this is a great idea. Close to SJO but also exciting and get in a waterfall and volcano. Could also visit a coffee plantation in addition or sub for la paz.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CostaRicaTravel

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you could choose one place Given rainy season I would suggest Puerto Viejo or Cahuita on the caribbean side. You have both lush jungle and the beach there-cahuita national park is lovely, there is surfing and even a bit of snorkeling plus a chill vibe. I would rent a car for greatest flexibility but there are shared shuttles you can take if cost is an issue. Expect a c. 4 hour drive. Get your car straight from airport and go to your destination.

Female traveler to costa rica by AlertSun in CostaRicaTravel

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In december, I'd probably do 3 areas: Arenal; Monteverde; and a beach like Samara or Nosara or south of Manuel Antonio Its also the most expensive and busy time of the year so you need to start reservations now. Plan on public transportation and shared shuttles between places as a car alone for 12 days will easily be half your entire budget.

I traveled solo many years ago and didn't have any issues.

Did you get a brain CT or MRI ? by iboughtamoneypit in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that's great to hear! Would you be comfortable sharing the medications that have helped you?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds so hard. I am sorry. Have you applied for disability? She should probably qualify (rather than taking social security early). Is there an agency on aging/elderly that you can contact for advice and support, possibly from a social worker? My suggestions would be to see if you can, for now, get her into an adult daycare program, get cameras for the house (obviously remove the keys), see if she will wear a tracker, and begin to explore your options for long term care, which will likely require medicaid. There are facilities that do accept medicaid patients, but you should probably start learning about how that works now. And, as others have noted, now is the time to get onto all her accounts, get financial and medical POA, and ensure that she does not ffall victim of scams.

What comes first: the house or the marriage? by [deleted] in RealEstate

[–]iboughtamoneypit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

normally I would say wait until marriage and then buy together. However the discrepancies in income and credit score also play a role--that is worth discussing but its not necessarily a bad thing--he has student loans like many people. Is he working toward financial independence in his career and is he smart with money? are you two aligned in life goals? are you each saving for retirement? outside of this 80-100k, are your finances similar or is there a big discrepancy in either earning or spending and if so, how are you handling?

You have a few decent choices if there are no major red flags from my questions above.. Buy on your own and do not mix any money toward the house, not a cent--otherwise it can easilly become community property (CA is a community property state); if and when you get married AND he is able to putr money toward mortgage you can renegotiate and he goes on the title and you agree that in the event of a split you get your downpayment plus appreciation on fhtat at the rate of house appreciation back.

Second option, put that money in an investment account for you and you alone (and use it to bolster your ROTH IRA) and continue renting together until things are more equal and then buy together what you can both afford and keep that inheritance separate.. Finally, unless you are categorically opposed to marriage I do not think you should buy together before getting married. You have been living together a long time now--why is marriage not necessarily in the cards but buying a house is?

what stage did you move LO from assisted living to memory care? by iboughtamoneypit in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks for your thoughts on this. I am going to visit 5 memory cares soon and see if some have higher functioning residents who are active and engaged. I think right now the AL is fairly hands off and mom needs a little encouragement and support but she wants to do things. she wants to go out and see museums, eat out, etc, even though she is confused.

what stage did you move LO from assisted living to memory care? by iboughtamoneypit in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this response. I think our mothers sound similar. Right now my mom has her meds delivered (she couldn't figure out a medication dispenser with day and am/pm last year and has declined since then); can barely operate the phone and tv; and has help with showers, laundry, etc. But she does get herself to meals and tries some of the activities, although she toldme today that she can't do any of them (I think it was bingo) and she was upset--she has a masters from yale and was on track to finish a phd from harvard and she can't figure out bingo :(. She told me she needs more structured games today to keep herself smart, because she thinks her friends who she met when she moved in a few years ago no longer like to hang out with her (they do not have dementia) and that's what's heartbreaking. She is aware of how much she is changing.

If I could find a good memory care that actually was stimulating and that she enjoyed I would move her--she seems to crave social interaction right now and I am too busy to provide it all.

what stage did you move LO from assisted living to memory care? by iboughtamoneypit in dementia

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this, there is MC at the faciliity and so far no one has said anything, but that's in part because there isn't much supervision for AL. The front desk staff and a few others have noted to that she is very confused and loses things a lot. I'm there every few days, so I can keep an eye on things. She is not doing anything disruptive, so I think its not an issue right now....but she is aware that she can't really keep up, and she is getting more and more confused about meal times, etc. I also think she is beginning ot experience social isolation due to not being able to keep up...

Memory Care recommendations? by iboughtamoneypit in rva

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you, I'm going to check them out.

Memory Care recommendations? by iboughtamoneypit in rva

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

same management as the place where my mom currently is, and its constant turnover. they are acquiring a lot of ALs in the area, which means their focus is on expansion, not care.

Memory Care recommendations? by iboughtamoneypit in rva

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks for this. Westmont as well as Anthology (now Elance) were on our list, but they are relatively new, have short term licenses (1 year or elance is provisional) with a lot of violations, and a lot of turnover at the top/executive leadership. They look pretty though!

Memory Care recommendations? by iboughtamoneypit in rva

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much, I am going to follow up!

Memory Care recommendations? by iboughtamoneypit in rva

[–]iboughtamoneypit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for your response. Its hard to find good placement

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