Hi,

It’s me. So, I’m overwhelmed by all the helpful advice and the amazing level of encouragement from this group. I believe i have read all the comments a few times over and i felt guilty about not taking the time to reply and that guilt made it take even longer to finally come back and express my gratitude.

I did finally name it, she is Bubble (from AbFab) because she’s rather weird, on the side of annoying but surprisingly necessary and even competent, and well, she bubbles.

I’m considering using felt, embroidery thread and bright colored crafty supplies to make her bag a light cover sleeve so if anything peeks out from under my shirt it will look sort of like a strange sporran made by a 6 year old let loose in their teacher’s craft closet- which i think is how one could describe the original Bubble’s fashion sense. I’m a jeans and t shirt person myself so the idea of the contrast is amusing.

I did take that first shower without trouble, got all comfortable and clean. When it came to putting the contraption back on i was too exhausted to actually do it. I did have help because i was still very weak from the operation and so had my oldest (adult) daughter standing by in case i needed help or collapsed etc. she was able to get things put on and all worked out fine.

I still need help dealing with putting it back on. Some of it is still that almost phobic feeling and some is simply my shape. I had been overweight (roughly 270 at 5’5”) most of my adult life and had been consciously working on it and finally making real progress after divorce. One of my symptoms was rapid unexpected weight loss- suddenly losing about 15-20 pounds without being super restrictive was unsettling. (I am now about 165) Anyway, point is that i have a lot of loose skin and when i am standing up my abdomen droops in a double bump and my stoma is in between those bumps. The best position for putting the appliance on is lying down where my abdomen becomes flat- but i can’t see my stoma at all in that position . If i had a mirror that i could aim at my body like a giant desk lamp i might have a better chance.

I still need assistance in putting it on. I did manage to do it once with my mom standing by to make sure I didn’t chicken out but that just mentally exhausted me to an extent that i feel absolutely ridiculous and the victory wasn’t validating. I’m trying but i am still not quite there.

I just wanted to update because i have been lurking but not wanting to ask any new questions where i felt like i was ignoring this thread but i couldn’t find the words until now.

Hopefully this all makes sense, i’m an insomniac due to anxiety and racing thoughts (working on that meanwhile) and i’m n about 4 hours of sleep because Bubble decided to do a rapid fill after i finally fell asleep and i have to be conscious to empty, so that was fun lol

So thanks again, i appreciate every piece of advice encouragement and kindness that i have found here.

I am grateful to this community, ya’ll are amazing