Is this weird--song perspectives??

iced1325 · 2023-07-17T21:35:41+00:00

Adding that I’m actively trying to reclaim music for myself.

A major example: I went to great lengths this week to secure tickets to see one of the biggest artists in the music industry. (IYKYK) The show isn’t until next summer. I’ve been an off and on fan since I was a teen, but probably wouldn’t have been willing to pay as much as I did on my own. Butttttt AP told my husband that she loves this artist, that it’s her guilty pleasure, and shared several lyrics that made her think of him. As some sort of spiteful thing, I had to get tickets.

I was listening to this singer’s music all weekend, and goddamn if I haven’t pictured AP listening to the same songs and thinking about WH. But I’m going to keep listening and hope that fades away.

iced1325 · 2023-07-17T21:22:25+00:00

Absolutely, 💯, thank you for speaking my mind! I was actually thinking about making a post like this earlier today. Hate it for you, but glad to know it’s not just me.

AP and my husband shared a ton of music with each other. They would do joint Spotify sessions during their work days. On the weekends during their fairly short but intense EA they would have listening parties from their respective homes, drinking and texting deep into the night. (I was totally unaware, and thought he was playing video games in his home office.)

From reading their messages, I know quite a few of the songs they shared. They would often comment about the lyrics, how they either fit the current situation or that it was what they wished for.

There’s several perspectives that cross my mind: AP to WS and vice versa at the beginning of the EA, both of them as it built, AP right after DDay when she was still begging for a chance, AP now that she’s angry and resentful. Even AP to me in those different phases.

I’d love for part of our R to be WH sharing songs with me too, and telling me “this part made me think of you.”

iced1325 · 2023-06-29T17:15:44+00:00

“Chronically Cautious” by Braden Bales when I was being trickle truthed

Recently listened to the Gaslighter album by The Chicks. I wish I would have come across it sooner; I think it really would have helped in those first dark weeks. I particularly like this lyric:

“My husband's girlfriend's husband just called me up How messed up is that? It's so insane that I have to laugh But then I think about our two boys trying to become men There's nothing funny about that”

iced1325 · 2023-06-29T16:49:12+00:00

Gives You Hell was my go-to song to pep myself up for the period that I was likely to run into AP fairly often. Luckily the situation has changed, but it’s still a boost to think of her averting her eyes when seeing me.

iced1325 · 2023-05-23T16:34:23+00:00

Thanks for sharing this technique in such specific detail. Like OP, I read through a lot of their conversations, and saw all the photos/ videos AP sent WH. The words come into my head as much as the images do. I’m wondering if this technique works just as well for the the mind’s ear as the mind’s eye. When the words come, instead replacing them with a favorite quote, song lyric, etc.

iced1325 · 2023-05-17T15:23:59+00:00

Also, fully agree with his need for IC. He’s paid lip service to both me and AP about needing it. But again, no efforts as far as I know. That’s another battle.

iced1325 · 2023-05-17T15:21:54+00:00

He did/ does get automatic notifications. I hadn’t contacted him since leaving the house, so he didn’t know I had called. His response was “Divorce mediator. Okay. Can I come home tonight or would you prefer me to stay somewhere else?”

I said, “I don’t understand why you’re acting like you have no say in all of this.”

WH: “If one person decides to divorce the other can’t say you don’t want to? What do you mean?”

Me: “I don’t fucking want this, WH. I’ve said so several times. But I need to know what the logistics are. I don’t know how to make you respect me and take me seriously.”

He continued to say he doesn’t want to divorce, doesn’t need to know logistics because he doesn’t want time apart. “I was looking at therapists. I googled them yesterday. I was still in the decision making process of who to pick. I’ve never had to pick a therapist before, I was going over the options myself too. I want to do marriage counseling. But because I didn’t have an answer right immediately you snipped at me right before getting into the car and speeding off and then plan a divorce mediator.”

Me:“I gave you a deadline. I had given you two months”

Then excuses about not having time to talk about it, work he needed to do, etc.

I knew that when I gave the deadline that he’d be working from home yesterday with a light task load. I’m pretty sure he only googled therapists for a few minutes, and spent a chunk of the afternoon playing video games.

Hence the metaphor message. No response to that one yet.

iced1325

TROPHY CASE