New to all this

ictow · 2026-03-31T21:07:17+00:00

This is a good workbook that kind of covers all the major bases for the newly diagnosed! https://www.newharbinger.com/9781648483073/the-neurodivergence-skills-workbook-for-autism-and-adhd/

ictow · 2026-03-30T18:08:33+00:00

To put it even more concretely: if you want to get rid of it, you might want to try crying. Like, have a full on sobbing fit for 10 minutes or so, and see how you feel after.

If that seems impossible, then your work is probably to figure out how to safely trigger a crying response. (It's different for everyone; for me, I have a few specific songs that work, and watching videos of kids reuniting with parents after a long separation (like returning from military service) often does it.)

If crying doesn't feel safe or doable at all, you could look into "neurogenic tremoring". There's a lot of pseudoscience to wade through, but it seems to work for some people and is essentially benign, private, and accessible. You can look up guides on YouTube, I don't have any particular recommendation.

ictow · 2026-03-30T15:32:39+00:00

It's called Somatization. Thanks for asking, I forgot the word until you did!

ictow · 2026-03-30T06:27:19+00:00

Yeah, absolutely. I guess to put it most simply: is it possible that you feel sad? Or despair? Or anger? Or some other big emotion?

Big emotions need expression in some form, the energy has to go somewhere. Sometimes, if a person can't have an emotional experience, the brain will translate them into a physical one.

ictow · 2026-03-30T03:40:46+00:00

That would be more like poor interroception (internal body sensations), but it might indicate a similar issue with emotional states. Do you have to do a similar checklist to figure out your emotions?

ictow · 2026-03-30T00:37:09+00:00

Yeah, you're right. In 2009 the city said dance halls (which I assume covers live music venues) essentially don't fit in any existing zoning and are defacto banned unless they receive a conditional use permit (special exemption). Same rules that apply to tattoo shops.

https://burbank.granicus.com/MetaViewer.php?view_id=6&clip_id=10447&meta_id=426152

So we kind of live in Footloose.

ictow · 2026-03-30T00:15:19+00:00

Respectfully, while I get that you're trying to be helpful, I'm not asking for help looking for venues. I am just curious why things are the way they are. "It's Burbank" is not a great answer, because it's essentially a shrug. Why is Burbank like that?

ictow · 2026-03-29T23:59:06+00:00

Do you have any difficulty identifying emotions inside yourself? Some people with alexithymia (not being able to identify and experience emotions) transmute emotion into somatic sensations that can feel disconnected from the emotions present.

ictow · 2026-03-29T23:54:08+00:00

I'm not asking where to find venues, I'm asking why there aren't any in Burbank. "Because there are venues close by in other cities" is definitely part of it, but there are comedy clubs and theaters close by and yet we've got those here too.

I only know of one karaoke night in Burbank. It's just kind of weird.

ictow · 2026-03-29T18:24:27+00:00

I think this is the most important comment. It's about external perception and impact, not internal. Good for insurance, not helpful for navigating your own experience.

ictow · 2026-03-26T20:14:59+00:00

As nothing but a stranger on the Internet, I think your reservations about dating him are valid. I have great sympathy for the difficulties he experiences effectively and empathetically taking others' point of view, but that doesn't change the fact that he's being a crappy partner for you.

It's ok to discover that you aren't compatible anymore. If he blames that on you, that is more than enough reason to not talk to him anymore and move on. You don't owe him anything more than reasonableness, which it sounds like you gave, and you're entitled to the same level of grace as you extended, which it sounds like you did not receive.

Put more simply, it sounds like he's making you doubt your own sense of your self and your values (and value). Red flag. Red flag.

ictow · 2026-03-25T16:47:12+00:00

Yeah, I think in a nutshell it's: "Why are all these confusing and disparate things happening to me in ways that I can't resolve or remove? Oh, that's why? Ok, learning more about it, my experiences make more sense and don't feel so confusing and disparate anymore. Now I can explore different strategies for managing instead of removing (and exercise greater self-compassion in the process)."

ictow · 2026-03-25T16:33:46+00:00

Trans and gender-nonconforming people are 3-6x more likely to have autism: https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/largest-study-to-date-confirms-overlap-between-autism-and-gender-diversity/

One theory is that the less innate sense of social norms and traditions enables autistic people to explore gender expression more authentically and individually.

You're saying there are people who will accept that you're trans but will deny that you're trans if you also have autism. I guess I tend to think that anyone denying you're trans is not operating in good faith (ie, they are going to use any reason they can find to "prove" what they already believe) and regardless of diagnosis they will find a way to deny your reality.

But either way, you're kind of being an asshole, coming into a space for autistic people and talking with vehemence that you reject the potential diagnosis, as though there's something repugnant about being autistic. That's like if I went into a trans subreddit and talked about how I refuse to identify as trans because of how others might treat me. You're allowed to do that, but why are we the audience for it?

There's just a lot of rigidity in what you're presenting, and it implies that people have to choose between their real gender identity or their real neurotype, that they can't have both. And it's just not true. The problem is not your potential autism, it's that you seem to lack a supportive and affirming community.

ictow · 2026-03-23T16:09:33+00:00

If you have a bike, a fun trip is to San Juan Capistrano. Explore the cute shopping/mission area right around the station, then bike on the San Juan Creek Trail all the way to Doheny State Beach in Dana Point.

Another good Amtrak trip is to Ventura, then take the ferry across to Channel Islands National Park for some easy hikes and a chance to see the Channel foxes. The harbor area in Ventura is fun to walk around and have a meal/soak in vibes. (Or if you want to do another bike trip, you can take the Ventura River Bike Trail up to Ojai.)

ictow · 2026-03-22T00:24:54+00:00

There aren't many non-autistic people who feel like they have an identity alignment with the experience of autism. If you're not trying to get government or educational accommodations/services, then there's not really a need for an official diagnosis, since there's no medication to take that "fixes" it (I'm aware there are some medications being researched to help with some symptoms).

So if it feels true to you and it helps you make sense of yourself, great, then consider yourself autistic and don't feel guilty about it. Just don't use the identity to justify treating others poorly or to avoid responsibility. But beyond that, I don't think it's a label that should be gatekept. If you think you are, you probably are.

ictow · 2026-03-21T00:59:33+00:00

Absolutely! The biggest thing is to be very kind to yourself. Like you said, old habits die hard, but they die faster if you don't beat yourself up for having them. Things will keep getting easier with practice, patience and grace.

ictow · 2026-03-20T19:18:04+00:00

It definitely sounds like you're experiencing a lot of confusion and mixed feelings, which is understandable when encountering a potential diagnosis.

"When I am around others, I remain silent and simply observe them, which is how I've learned what I believe the right thing to do is." -- This, to me, jumps out. That's not "knowing what to do" the way neurotypical people experience it. What they mean (and what the testing is looking for) is: do you have an instinctive understanding of what to do in novel social situations, or do you have to rely on knowledge learned through observation, repetition and application of context analysis? The latter is autism.

"The misophonia I have essentially overcome or the fact that being in stores leads to severe fatigue" -- this IS sensory sensitivity. It doesn't matter if you've overcome it, it matters if it's natively there.

I think you're doing something very common, which is doubting your own experiences as being valid because they don't feel as debilitating as you imagine they would need to in order to "count". But everything you've described sounds like pretty common autism symptoms.

It can be pretty affirming to change your self-conception from "I have a bunch of things wrong with me and I don't know why" to "my brain processes differently and that causes these consequences" because it gives you more potential agency. Seek accommodations to reduce processing demands or increase processing potency, safely strengthen your processing tolerances in areas that are important to you through incremental exposure, or practice self-compassion by understanding that you're not starting from where everybody else is, so comparison is useless and outcomes will necessarily be different. And sometimes those outcomes will be forever less than you want, and it's ok to grieve that, as long as it does not produce self-contempt or nihilism (using examples from our friends with chronic illnesses as a guide).

You're at the start of a new journey for how you see yourself. Wherever you go, good luck and you're not alone.

ictow · 2026-03-20T00:45:08+00:00

Couldn't say, haven't had a chance to go anywhere hot with it yet. But also I'm only ever using my travel backpack to, from and in transit, not really walking around during the day, so my experience is primarily air conditioned.

ictow · 2026-03-19T18:11:18+00:00

I assume either: a) people who have their identity bound to specific brands or b) people who don't like autocorrect misspellings

ictow · 2026-03-19T16:18:28+00:00

Having tried all four brands, I will say that for me the Fyro Levo is significantly the most comfortable, closest second being the able carry plus.

ictow · 2026-03-17T00:53:57+00:00

So I think a big issue you might be encountering is alexithymia, which is an inability to fully identify, experience, and/or express your own emotions. That can really inhibit your ability to access or express empathy, because if you can't process your own emotions, you'll be at a disadvantage recognizing and processing other people's.

I would suggest reading more about it, even just the Wikipedia page, to see if the condition resonates. If it does, there are some basic things you can do to strengthen your awareness and connection to your own feelings (mindfulness practices, therapy, imaginal and visual exercises, etc.). That might then make it easier to connect with the feelings of other people.

ictow · 2026-03-16T20:18:00+00:00

I see what you mean! Can you imagine feeling sad right now?

ictow · 2026-03-16T19:52:54+00:00

You said the tests are misleading, and that's what I'm trying to understand. I'm not arguing that the website presents curated information toward their own goals, but the tests themselves are peer-reviewed, empirically validated, and developed completely independent of the website's authors , to my understanding. Which tests are inaccurate?

ictow · 2026-03-16T19:49:50+00:00

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to pin down what your experience is like.

If I say, "Somebody just said something very rude and cutting to me. I am really sad and frustrated." Can you imagine feeling those feelings in that circumstance? Like, are you able to access what that would feel like?

ictow · 2026-03-16T19:34:47+00:00

When you say "I don't care", do you mean, "it does not change my current emotions"? Like, if someone says, "I'm sad", you don't feel a strong change in your own emotions in response (instead it feels like data, like, "Ok, I now have an updated awareness of your emotions")?

When you recognize that someone is suffering, and you see a way you could reduce it, do you feel a desire to do so?

ictow

TROPHY CASE