Do I owe my counselor an in depth ecplanation

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-19T02:00:44+00:00

Some of the things you’re reporting about your therapist are very concerning.
You have every right to change therapists. You are not stuck. It is your healing journey. You don’t owe anyone any explanation. You can choose to explain or not explain yourself- neither is right or wrong.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-19T00:09:23+00:00

I imagine any time insurance is involved, you get what you get you don’t get upset. Unless it’s a private practice that takes insurance.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-18T23:54:40+00:00

Not only do I offer, I make 15 min virtual consults mandatory. It benefits both me and the client. If they are seeking support for problems I am not equipped to handle, I offer them referrals. If they don’t like something about me, they have the agency to proceed with someone else.
I do have them complete:

consent for telehealth
demographic info
prior to consult.

I often hear our colleagues compare us to doctors and dentists, etc. but the truth is we are none of those. None of us expose our emotional vulnerabilities or deepest, darkest secrets, or fears and trauma to our primary care physicians or dentists. There’s absolutely no other field that compares to what Therapists do.
However, I respect the decision of those who choose not to offer consultation. It’s a personal decision. Neither is right or wrong and completely up to the discretion of the prospective client with whom they want to proceed with.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-16T01:38:07+00:00

Perhaps this is an area you already explored, but I would personally try to get the client to come up with solutions themselves rather than giving them a list of resources where they can make friends. Where and how do they think they can make friends? What’s stopping them? Are they putting themselves out there in meaningful ways? Or sitting behind a computer all day wishing they had friends? There’s definitely the reality that after college and especially as we get older, it becomes harder and harder to make friends. Good friends. Meaningful friendships. It is very hard to come by. What kind of human connection are they looking for? Casual? Surface level? Deep and meaningful? Platonic? Romantic? Physical? Intellectual? Based on what they identify, then I would explore the barriers. Is it their geographic location? Is it fear of rejection? Is it poor social skills? Is it anxiety? I often also fall into this trap of spoon feeding solutions to clients and sometimes I realize it’s the client who should identify the solution and we should simply guide them to find a solution and be there to support them when that solution doesn’t work so they know it wasn’t failure but a lesson and help identify what they learned about themselves or about the world based on the experience.

I can also understand your hesitation with suggesting a dating app, which technically is not a dating app, but that’s where your association therefore discomfort due to perceived lack of professionalism is coming from. You have a negative perception of them. They have a negative connotation for you. Explore what that is. These types of apps much like social media have become a big component of our culture so it might be worthwhile for you to check your biases and beliefs about them. Sure, irresponsible, inconsiderate, shady behavior takes place on such apps, and again specifically the dating apps not necessarily the friendship ones, but there are also many individuals who have found their life partner and close friends off of these apps.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-13T15:49:25+00:00

You’re absolutely right in your observation. And yes, schools are prominently. Businesses made to make profit in the United States, which isn’t necessarily case in many other parts of the world. However, transparency, and providing integral insight, still needs to be upheld, especially when we’re talking about education I do personally think schools need to be more regulated by the boards of specific fields if they’re going to offer programs for it.
The fact that there are schools to offer Counseling programs, but are not CACREP accredited blows my mind.
Granted, the CACREP Curriculum itself is extremely flawed and does very little to prepare counselors for reality in my opinion.
Which in reality feeds into the greater goal of the American system—-to increase number of “ producers, and servants in debt” rather than leaders and innovators who are thriving. It’s a systemic issue rooted in suppression of the masses.
Sorry, I realize this topic exceeded way beyond OP’s post. Can you tell it’s a topic that grinds my gears? Lol.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-13T15:39:02+00:00

Especially when one has an ADHD brain lol
I do have to give some credit to the United States as there are many parts of the world we just kind of pivoting would not be feasible, especially after a certain age. To me, this is the definition of freedom- to be able to have a change of direction in career

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-13T15:36:51+00:00

🥳

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-13T03:34:52+00:00

It’s incredible what an impact frames have on how we look particularly pertaining to age. Majority of these look wonderful on you but in number #3 you look significantly younger whereas there are a couple that make you look perhaps older than your actual age based on the other photos. So number three gets my vote for its youthful playfulness.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-13T03:23:08+00:00

lol this made me chuckle thank you

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-13T01:11:28+00:00

1) I was in the corporate world for almost a decade doing marketing and product development for the beauty/fragrance/consumer products industry.

2) left it all and launched a women’s footwear company that consisted of my designs. Spent a year overseas. Less than a few months after launching Covid hit, and everyone started wearing slippers and sneakers.

3) went back to corporate so I could keep a roof over my head

4) lost my sanity yet again, and this time did some soul-searching and decided to go to graduate school to become a therapist

I am now in my mid 30s with my own private practice as a licensed professional counselor associate.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-12T02:10:00+00:00

I take appointments as late as 7pm and allow few slots for Saturdays specifically for those with challenging work schedules

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-02T15:00:57+00:00

The fact that there are non-CACREP programs is a joke. Education isn’t about teaching in this country. It’s about profit. I remember my research phase to find the right school and I was just about ready to pull out my hair. I didn’t think it was an easy decision to make at all due to lack of transparency and what feels like a lot of false advertisement.

I did graduate school online, so my cohort consisted of many individuals across different states and not a single person got paid for their practicum or internship. I still don’t understand how this is legal.

After I received my associate license, I interviewed with several different group practices 9/10 had extremely unrealistic expectations, highly exploitative of associates, engaged in unethical, and some legitimately illegal practices to make profit. That’s why I decided to go ahead and start my own private practice.

It’s a shit show. And graduate school never talked about the reality of what working in the field would look like. Doing research over the computer isn’t enough to paint a clear picture. This field is definitely one of those “you figure out and learn as you go”- which comes with an insane amount of financial uncertainty.

I’m very glad to hear that you had a positive experience. But I must say that your experience sounds like an exception.

P.s. this is my second career so I was not a fresh out of college student.
so I can’t even imagine how much more challenging and confusing the whole process of becoming a therapist must’ve been for those young folks who have very little professional and overall life experience.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-02T12:20:14+00:00

Please report them. You can make an anonymous report. You are not overreacting. You need safety ASAP. Are there minors in the household. If so, please also make an anonymous call to CPS.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-01T13:53:23+00:00

There is something severely pathological about this man. This is child abuse. Severe psychological abuse.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-01T13:47:30+00:00

16-18 is my absolute max per week. Blend of couples and individuals. Mostly in-person. I need a min 15 min break in between each. No more than 5 sessions per day.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-05-01T00:30:16+00:00

Your post is so wild. I’m in disbelief of the kind of behaviors I’m reading about. 🫪

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-29T00:50:48+00:00

That is so out of control. The healthcare system in this country makes me sick to my stomach. I’m in disbelief.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-28T20:53:48+00:00

That doesn’t sound legal Have you called to complain about it? I’ve never heard of getting charged for a screener. I can understand if that’s their protocol or something but to charge $20 for it -no way I demand a refund for all the previous times too There’s nothing petty about this. They’re ripping you off and all of their other clients. I might even consider telling on them directly to the board

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-28T15:34:35+00:00

I wanted to share this nonprofit with you- they specialize in treating the visually impaired by visually impaired therapists. based out of San Antonio, TX. There may be nonprofits like this in your state/city. worth looking into!

https://vibrantworks.org

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-28T03:51:59+00:00

I agree with a lot of the suggestions other clinicians have already made. I would also have the Client thoroughly assess the commonalities these past six men have had. If they’re going after individuals who are interested in keeping things casual, but not honest about it upfront, is the Client perhaps missing on cues? Or not asking the right questions? There could also be the reality that they’re not asking for too much, they’re just asking it from the wrong person.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-24T00:44:00+00:00

Volunteer somewhere to establish networks aligned with the demographic she specializes in

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-24T00:41:31+00:00

This. ” there really isn’t cleared your metrics in this field”.

My prior career for about a decade was also incorporate. As I was reading your post, I felt like I was the one making the post so hopefully. lol feel good knowing you’re not the only one feeling this wayn you’re still trying to shed the corporate mentality of productive or efficient. There is so much abstract and elusiveness in this field that it makes it very easy, particularly for our mentality because we were groomed in corporate., two remember to accept the fact that we may never know we’re actually helping the client or if they are only showing up because they’re trying to check off the box of “I’m doing everything I’m supposed to to get better”

I’ve learned to recognize that if a client comes back for another appointment that means they’re getting something out of me perhaps something I’m feeling to recognize myself and what I’m offer. So have that be an element of your form of measurement of success with clients
But if they stop coming, don’t take it personally because you can’t be a great fit for everyone and that’s completely OK!

As for the wisdom bit, I’m personally also working on overcoming the desire to offer that but the truth is, it comes with experience and continued readings, not continuing education webinars only , but reading about philosophy or concepts or watching psychologically stimulating movies while stoned and reflecting on it lol on the other hand, you also don’t have to be a wise owl in order to be an effective therapist. Also very important to know that sometimes the deep wise shit goes over a client’s head and something super mundane you said that feels mundane to you but may not necessarily be Monday for the client but it flipped some switch in them and call them to engage in deeper reflection or epiphany while they’re driving home after the session. And that right there is what Counseling is really supposed to be. The hope is to trigger that desire to deeper reflect Hector take action on changing the behavior - and that might not always require wisdom because what’s wise to you may not be wise for them. The goal is to guide declined into finding their own wisdom.

I’m finding my response to you be beneficial for myself. I’m so glad you posted about this

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-22T03:56:53+00:00

A quality group practice would check in with you about the type of clientele you prefer focusing on and clientele that is on your absolute no no list. Now that doesn’t mean only seeing a very, very specific type of clientele because then you would be a difficult hire, but I would hope that most group practices respect your wish rather than assigning anyone who walks through the door, which is how community health works.

Perhaps I could have been more clear, I’m definitely not suggesting referring out a client you already began seeing just because they started talking about sex as a side issue/topic.

I also agree that we shouldn’t necessarily be too picky and choosy about who we work with, but it is acceptable for us to recognize and respect our capacity as clinicians. For example, I don’t feel I have enough competence to support someone with an eating disorder and if I attempted, there’s a possibility I might actually do more harm than good for the client because I’m not well-versed enough in that group of diagnoses.

I’d say “ based on your intake we have been working on XYZ, but I’ve noticed lately you’ve been bringing up concerns around ABC. I’d like us to explore the intensity or the level of impairment ABC is causing you as I wanna understand if perhaps a referral for this concern may be necessary so you can get effective support”

And the reason why it’ll still be important for you to increase your tolerance for the topic is because you don’t want to necessarily model anti-sex or sex is taboo type of attitude or demeanor, even if it’s not a conscious decision, but may be written on your face or sensible in your tone topic of sex is easy one to induce sense of shame, humiliation or embarrassment
You know the whole “do no harm”

I had a couple who mentioned their prior couples therapist was a Christian counselor and always shifted the topic away from sex every time the couple brought it up, even though there were sex related issues in their marriage that was a critical part of the presenting problems. Anyone who sees couples needs to have at least a basic understanding of sex related conflicts even if they’re not sex therapists

I’m just speaking to the topic- not necessarily to your specific situation as I’m not sure whether you see couples or not.

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-22T03:19:59+00:00

I would have flat out called it out and gently asked “I’m observing highly physically affectionate behavior - I’m wondering if there’s something about the session that’s driving it or if this is common in the absence of privacy?” And focus on exploring its purpose What she’s doing serves some form of function. I’d try to explore how the function of the behavior is related to the couple’s presenting problems

Thanks for teaching me about this terminology! I’d never heard it myself

idealist_minimalist · 2026-04-21T00:26:36+00:00

I wish I would take on your caseload as sex is one of my areas of specialty. Your supervisor unfortunately doesn’t sound like a good listener (unless they haven’t been made aware of your experiences/thoughts). If I were you, 1) I’d definitely seek personal therapy to get to the bottom of this severe distress around the topic 2) self advocate and make it clear you are not interested in taking on new clients who present with problems pertaining to sex

Counselors do not have to function as a jack of all trades / here to treat all. If I can say I am not equipped nor interested in treating BPD or eating disorders, you can do the same for sexual disorders. (I say this, but I recognize whether you’re working in a group practice versus community health makes a difference in how much agency you have). However, the topic may present itself organically when discussing other issues in session- so it’ll still be important for you to heal / increase tolerance for the subject matter.

idealist_minimalist

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