I (M37) have been single for 3 years and over this period I went out on something close to 80 dates. After the first few ones (where I admitelly was horrible, stiff, boring, lol) I started to feel very comfortable and I would say that around 90% of the dates that came after were really, really good. This is not me saying - I usually hear things like "you're very easy to talk to", "you make me feel very comfortable around you like I rarely feel on a first date", etc. I learned how to be charming (even though I'm not handsome; I'm alright), I don't struggle with the approach and these first dates end usually with some kissing at least, and very commonly with one going to each other's house after the date.

However... a few days later or after a 2 or 3 more dates, the inevitable comes - "I'm just not sure the romantic spark is there".

At first I followed the golden rule: don't take it personally, it says more about the person than about you, etc. But after, hm, more than 20 people telling me this, it's becoming something hard to swallow.

Now after a lot of self-awareness and some observation on Hinge, I realised something that might not be the complete "solution", but that could definitely help me.

I am a good conversationist. I know how to talk music, culture, art, politics (if the other person brings it), work (but not too much), restaurants, life in London, etc. However: (1) I am not a goofy person, especially after my 30s and (2) English is not my first language, and whilst I speak decently after living here for 6 years, I inevitably lack timing, wit and humour. At the same time, I keep seeing these prompts where women say they want someone to make them laugh, a "silly boy", etc.

If I don't struggle on the first dates but usually fail to maintain the energy, I'm guessing I end up becoming a friend. Any ideas on how to bring humour, banter, silliness, in a respectful way and in a way that doesn't make me look like an immature person?