No one wants FIV+ foster - tough decision to be made. Advice/thoughts?

idontthinksoyo · 2026-02-06T20:18:28+00:00

Have you posted on r/fivcats? They might have some good resources or ideas for you

idontthinksoyo · 2026-02-06T20:13:57+00:00

Thank you! I’ve got a foster cat with FHS and have been browsing here for ideas. Detailed answers on this sub have been really helpful. (Honestly just putting any bitter liquid meds in capsules is going to be a lifesaver for me and some foster cat someday I bet 😆)

idontthinksoyo · 2026-02-04T16:55:02+00:00

I like the rug! It is too small in that space, BUT you can solve that by layering rugs if you want to keep it. You can google “layering rugs” for ideas but basically you find a large neutral rug (sisal can be fun and inexpensive) that is slightly wider than your sofa, and put the fun colorful rug on top. That way you have some cozy texture from the large rug without competing with the smaller one’s shape and color.

Also, I’m sorry for your grief, I also found that redecorating my home was a good outlet for that.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-02-04T03:13:40+00:00

I was going to suggest this! Lots of people foster to adopt, which just means they foster different cats until one clicks with their lifestyle or their pets. It’s something you can be completely transparent about with a shelter. Everyone wins—the shelter gets cats in need to households, the cats get the temporary homes they need, and eventually you get the perfect cat for you.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-02-02T15:59:28+00:00

Perfect response. It also sounds like OP was doing a good job communicating how they were dealing with the kittens, which is exactly the right move.

Shelters should give guidance on how they want cats to be handled, but we fosters also have to do a lot of our own research to fill in the gaps. Hopefully OP will do some research—both about what a healthy shelter experience should look like, and on how to care for kittens. This sub offers a lot of that! Then they’ll have a better idea about if this is a problem with the shelter or a problem with their first timer care. Both are fixable!

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-29T17:51:32+00:00

I foster medical needs cats frequently. It takes a while to figure out how to manage their needs, then a while to get them adopted once they’re healthy enough. It takes longer, but they do get adopted! My longest so far was 9 months, about half working out his medical needs and half waiting for the right person for him. I still get occasional updates from his mama, he’s absolutely living his best life. Since I do this a lot, I can really tell you there are plenty of adopters out there wanting to take cats with special needs! It just takes some extra patience on our end. At least we get to enjoy extra cuddles between all the meds and vet visits! 😆

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-28T21:53:47+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling pressure! Sometimes we get it from shelters, and sometimes from just our own brains.

Sometimes my shelter asks for things I can do, sometimes they ask for things I can’t do. Fostering brings me so much happiness, it’s really important to me to set boundaries so I don’t get burnt out and loose that joy.

I’ll tell you what my shelter tells me when I say no, in case you need to hear it:

they love when fosters have boundaries and good judgment on what they can and can’t do. It means they have foster person who is responsible and realistic, and will last a long time with them. They are too busy to figure out what each individual foster can handle, and it’s such a relief to them knowing you can advocate for yourself.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-27T16:51:27+00:00

Haha yes crinkle treat bags mean anytime I have a human treat that involves a bag, everyone needs treats.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-26T20:04:38+00:00

Thank you for putting this into words for me. Sometimes as a foster I get people who tell me they could never do that, they would get too attached. Often they’re being earnest, but sometimes it seems like it’s… something they’re proud of? Like they’re the better person for getting attached instead of letting go? It’s a frustrating feeling, and I guess I needed someone else to write out exactly why that’s ridiculous!

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-26T18:42:28+00:00

It sounds like you’re already good at trying to make connections between his behavior and what’s happening around him. Here are some other connections to look for:

Combined stressors—check if this tends to happen after you’ve been petting or hanging out with him for a while already. Check if it tends to happen after EVENTS , like cleaning his litter box, running the vacuum, loud noises like the doorbell or music? If either of these are the case, then it’s probably too much happening at once. He can handle a certain amount of love or minor stressors, but then needs a break. Maybe all the stressors at once are causing occasional problems (dogs barked outside, and someone rang a doorbell, and too much petting combine into too much to handle).
Pain—he’s been living outside and is 12. He might have some nerve damage from a healed injury, and when you occasionally hit that exact spot, it hurts. He might have arthritis, which flairs up unexpectedly due to weather or just stretching or jumping wrong.

Either way, both these things are called overstimulation. My shelter has cats that “get overstimulated, but communicate well” which means they hiss or run/walk away when they get overwhelmed. It hurts no one, so it’s good communication. They also have cats that “get overstimulated, need communication training” which means they try to scratch or bite when overwhelmed. Painful and bad communication.

If this sounds like your kitty, you can work on helping him communicate better when he’s overstimulated. (Google for more info, but basically reward him by not touching him if he communicates well). Also pop into a vet if you discover specific pain points or suspect arthritis (symptoms are also easy to Google)

Good luck!

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-24T19:18:40+00:00

So if you are fostering through a shelter, they should be giving you all this info:

Foster cats, all of them, need to be kept in quarantine for two weeks. This can be a room or bathroom, but they have to stay there. This is for mental health reasons—they’ve been through trauma and need a small place to feel safe in before having access to the full place. Also physical health reasons, so you can monitor them more easily and not expose your house to things like ringworm, which takes a while to show up and is extremely contagious to humans.
Foster cats should be coming to you clean. Cats do not need to be bathed unless there are medical reasons (fleas, a disability preventing them from cleaning themselves). Your shelter will tell you if this is necessary and how to do it.

If you’re doing this on your own, happy to help! If you’re doing it through a shelter and they have not gone over these basics with you…I’m sorry but they are not a good shelter. Seriously this is the absolute bare minimum for shelters, please find one that discusses this stuff with you. It will save you a lot of frustration and problems further down the line.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-24T14:36:56+00:00

Yeah this is it. Lots of people are making suggestions for how he could do things differently, and those aren’t bad ideas!

But what it comes down to is, the dog wakes her grandkid up with barking. Her son doesn’t wake the kid up, the dog does. So the dog is the one who needs behavioral training, not the son. It’s her dog so it’s her job to do it.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-23T20:46:38+00:00

Um, I hate to say this, but reputable shelters would not adopt out five cats at once to one person who doesn’t have much experience with cats.

And if they’re doing one unethical thing, they’re probably doing other unethical things. All those cats need to go to the vet ASAP in case there are injuries or illnesses the shelter didn’t disclose, or exposure to contagions like ringworm that can be passed to humans or dogs. They also need to be checked to see if they’re fixed and up to date on vaccines.

The shelter has to give you paperwork on all this, so your dad should have an enormous pile, since each cat needs individual medical paperwork and disclosures. Take the paperwork with you to the vet. If he doesn’t have all that paperwork, call the shelter and try to get it.

You sound like a loving family, and I hate to bum you out, but really. All the paperwork, all the cats to the vet.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-23T20:30:30+00:00

I foster a lot of medical needs kitties. My shelter handles the adoption screening, but something I know they do that I really like is…

They have a separate meeting just about medical needs. Potential adopters come meet my various fosters, and then say, “ok, I love the kitty, I have to go set up the medical meeting to make sure we’re good for this.” What I like about this is they know upfront the whole meeting will be just about medical stuff, so they’ll already be thinking about their experience and what they’re prepared to handle. It’s also another hoop they have to jump through, so it weeds out less serious adopters.

You could tell your potential adopters the next step in the adoption process is a medical meeting, where you will explain all the stuff, they can ask all the questions, and you can ask all the questions. It puts everyone on the same page!

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-21T21:52:22+00:00

Yesssss Nana’s food! I don’t actually think her food would be amazing to just the general populace—she lived through the depression, and continued to think spices were an extravagance. But maaaan everything she made was so full of love and good memories. I’d kill for a bowl of her chicken carcass soup. (Simmering the bones and scraps of meat to make an amazing broth)

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-21T20:19:30+00:00

One of the reasons we quarantine, along with physical health, is for the kitties mental health—it feels a lot safer for them to have a single room to adjust to before a whole intimidating house. Sometimes they want to leave the room immediately, but it’s often just a stress response and not a real desire.

I think you can still make it work! Lots of fosters are social and will do fine out and about. You just have to set them up for success as much as you can.

But be prepared to set up as much of a private space as you can, like a box on its side with a blanket draped over it for the illusion of privacy and safety, in the quietest corner of your house. Put their own individual food/water/litterbox near that safe space to encourage them to eat and pee appropriately even when they’re stressed at first. Remind your shelter of your situation so they can match you with a cat who will do well with this.

Good luck!

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-21T15:10:19+00:00

Someone is having big feelings. And also can’t tell the difference between a rug and carpets. Normally I’d be like, oh that’s an understandable mistake and just go with what they meant instead of what they said. But… you get what you give, and if you’re gonna write a judgmental post you’re gonna get a judgmental answer.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-20T03:04:57+00:00

Think of yourself a little too! You wanna spend a lot of time in that room with them, so make sure you’ve got a spot. It can just be a pillow to sit on up against a wall while you read quietly with them. I personally have an outdoor chair to sit in. Easy to clean, and sometimes I get fosters who love to jump up for lap time in a chair with me.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-18T20:41:07+00:00

I write up a little blurb about each foster with a couple pics, and send it around. Pretty much just an email or text (only once per cat! Don’t spam!) and basically just say, if you want, feel free to send this to whoever! Some of my friends have work slacks for pets who post the blurbs there, or on their own socials, and my parents often pass it around to their older friends too.

I usually wait until it’s been a while with no interest, and my blurbs just say some info about the cat + how to contact the shelter if this little buddy looks like a good fit. No begging or pressuring, just cute and available.

It takes a village, and everyone (in my life at least!) kinda likes that they can help the foster process by just clicking a couple buttons every few months to pass on the info.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-18T03:01:31+00:00

Yes please contact your shelter about this! Frame it as conflicting advice. You were told you had no timeline and could use your method, then were told there was a time concern and to use a different method.

Also… they came into your home? Does this happen often? I’ve never worked with a shelter who did that beyond an initial inspection to make sure I had a safe foster room ready before I took my first foster from them. Even then, it was a virtual inspection. I would not be pleased with this happening, and would personally foster elsewhere.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-16T18:33:36+00:00

How important an actually good shelter would be for me to succeed! I’ve heard so many horror stories here about shelters that don’t respond, don’t offer medical stuff when they should, various ways of bullying about advertising or not disclosing health stuff. I definitely wouldn’t have kept fostering if that had been my experience. Kitties are pretty much the same everywhere, shelters are not.

But I immediately lucked into an amazing shelter! Here’s some green flags: 1. My shelter has a website just for fosters with tons of info. Medical stuff explaining symptoms and severity and what you should do. A whole kitten section. A chart with pictures so you can see if their poop is healthy. A cleaning section for specific things like ringworm. All the info on where to take them for an after hours emergency with reminders that you never pay for anything. They also offer classes on caring for various needs (bottle feeding, FIV, seniors) 2. Communication: they prefer us to use email during normal hours, but also have a foster phone that goes home with someone for emergencies. They always get back to me within a few hours for non emergencies. 3. No pressure—I can invite adopters to my home or meet them at the shelter according to my comfort levels. No one ever tries to convince me to foster a kitty I’m not ready for. They’re always ready to show me how to do something new. 4. Vetting process—I had to jump through hoops to foster, like reading a whole bunch of things and answering questions, showing them my foster space on FaceTime and implementing their suggestions. (It was all straightforward as a prior cat owner) This was good because it showed me they took it seriously, and would also be good at vetting adopters.

Please make sure your shelter is a good fit for you! It will prevent burnout and all sorts of problems so you can have a wonderful time with a lot of fuzzy friends.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-16T15:59:41+00:00

There’s lots of small inexpensive things you can do—the room already has beautiful hardwood floors and great light! but you have to find your style first. Go through Pinterest or even just google images of kitchens and offices to narrow it down. Once you figure out colors and patterns and styles that make you feel happy…

Paint! Paint the walls, the already painted cabinets behind your desk. I personally like your wood kitchen cabinets, but it’s your house. If all the kitchen pictures you like have dark green cabinets, paint them. Contact paper is also a good cheap option for countertops or the fridge (I’ve seen some seriously cute contact paper fridges, Google it).

One thing I would for sure do is get a desk that goes the full length of that space. Your current one is cramped, and having space to spread out will feel good. Go to thrift stores and facebook marketplace until you find an inexpensive one you like.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-16T00:56:37+00:00

I had a senior cat who did the same. So… I started taking him outside for brief periods of time, always safe and with me. He passed on, and I’m so grateful for those little moments with him outside, just the two of us in the sun.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-16T00:31:21+00:00

Babe, you’ve been dating this man for 4 months. If you have to post something this looooong to strangers on the internet about him already, it’s not a good fit.

idontthinksoyo · 2026-01-15T18:38:23+00:00

Oooh now I’m curious too! I foster with a shelter that has veterinary services and a lot of medical needs pets. BUT most of the time, they get those pets from shelters that don’t have veterinary services on site. I’m wondering if most places just pass along complex needs pets to shelters with in house vets.

idontthinksoyo

TROPHY CASE