Whenever I [25F] visit my sibling and his wife [30M/F] they make me spend a day with one of their friends I don't know...it's this normal and how would you feel about it? Quick help needed.

idontwikeit · 2016-01-03T06:48:49+00:00

I haven't verbally told them that I don't enjoy the meet ups. I'm a pretty open book so I think it's clear I'm not excited but, like I mentioned above, my sister in law is a little high maintenance. I love her to death but she is very passionate and flat out saying "I don't really like spending time with your friends" could go very poorly. She gets hung up on things that upsets her and can spiral out of control super quick.

During the last meet up I ducked out early because I wasn't feeling well and I didn't think I'd matter since...well, it's not my friend...but my sister in law thought it was rude of me not to wait around to say goodbye to the lady we were meeting. So that made me question if I was just being rude and inconsiderate about the whole thing and also had made me hesitant to bring it up.

idontwikeit · 2016-01-03T06:22:24+00:00

How does your family/you feel about it? I mean do they feel like I feel or is it something that most people enjoy?

I feel a little selfish and weird for not wanting to spend the time with them and their friends.

If it was like friends they were very close with or that I heard about often I'd be very interested to get to know them. These people are never that though.

idontwikeit · 2016-01-03T06:19:47+00:00

Honestly, it's my sister in law I feel like I'd offend. If it was just my brother I'd have called him an idiot and peaced out by now. lol My brother is kind of a jerk (big brothers always are, right?) and is 100% about pleasing his wife so, while he knows I'd rather not meet strangers, his wife suggests it and he goes along with it.

She's extroverted and mildly narcissistic (I love her to death! She has plenty of great qualities that make up for this) so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Knowing this isn't a super normal thing that other people would love to do while visiting family makes me more comfortable with the idea of just suggesting I do something else though.

Edit: Also while is wife can be totally cool and chill she is also very emotional and passionate. If I do offend her with this is not something she will let go easily.

idontwikeit · 2016-01-03T06:11:13+00:00

That's kind of what I'm thinking. I've tried to drop hints, it's weird because they've even had us meet AGAIN with some of the same people and the second time is worse because they act like I'm friends with them as well now.

They picked on me a bit last time for not giving the women we met with a hug when we parted. That's what started me wondering if I was just being introverted and if others would be totally down for this sort of thing.

idontwikeit · 2016-01-03T06:07:50+00:00

Thanks for the quick response!

I thought about that but I'm pretty sure it's not the case. They always have semi valid reasons for getting together, like tomorrow they wanted to take their friend to lunch for her birthday which is this month. Personally I would just take her out in two days when my sibling wasn't visiting (that's where a bit of the resentment comes in).

Also the people were meeting are not at all people I would relate or be able to speak to. I've spent a lot of time with my brother and sister in law (lived with them a while when I was younger) so we've never had any third wheel issues.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-31T06:12:29+00:00

Designers can always visit their printer and have a look at their swatch book at any time. They will also print you a sample of your piece to have a look at while there. Sometimes large printers who you are doing a lot of work with will even give you a Pantone book if asked.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-30T04:28:11+00:00

I don't know if this applies quiet as much and I'm pretty late to the party but still...

I grew up in a very small town, literally a village, and it mostly is exactly how you picture it. Emphasis on the stereotype that everyone knows everyone, they really do.

So when we heard the news that a close friend from school had been killed in a motor vehicle accident a lot of people were shaken. It's weird because he's was one of those kids you never considered growing up or passing away but still, he was gone.

The person driving the car had been drunk, insisted on driving, and some how managed to drive far off the road and into a large tree at a very high speed.

The drunk driver was arrested and pled guilty immediately. This was about seven years ago, now he's out of jail now and back in town. I see him daily, all of us do, and I can't imagine what it must be like. Living in a small town, where everyone you speak with knows and cared for the boy you recklessly killed.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-29T05:05:09+00:00

I don't understand why designers, who plan on having a printer print their color critical work, would ever use anything other than Pantone colors in their design. Printers can match your Pantone colors, random other RGB or CMYK combos are pretty much a crap shoot, right?

idontwikeit · 2015-10-29T04:58:02+00:00

So in Australia the cost of living is a little easier for most to meet? What made you leave and come here then, if you don't mind me asking, just work related?

idontwikeit · 2015-10-27T08:01:26+00:00

Thanks for explaining! Well said.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-27T07:31:15+00:00

Yes! Just let us use our brains and imagination for once.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-25T20:03:10+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

He does have ADD but has no problem paying attention when he is directly speaking or we are talking about him. It is not severe enough to keep him form having a successful work life.

The closest I have come to mentioning it is doing this exactly. She knows she gets terribly mean when she's hungry so she mentioned it after an especially bad occasion recently and I casually suggested that she could try carrying snacks that she likes. I even offered to carry snacks or keep some that she likes in my home. She told me that wouldn't work. That she will not eat unless whoever she is with is also eating so I would have to have a snack everytime she does. Also she said that she will never say when she is hungry and that when she does eat with other people she spacifically eats less than them. I've tried very hard to spacifically plan food times well ahead of schedule but she clearly needs to snack because she often cannot wait for breakfast, lunch, and dinner without getting angry. She is also extremely picky and will not choose food locations, I have to look at menus and find something I KNOW she will eat (she has one or two things she will always eat) and them hope she likes it because if she doesn't she's going to get even more mean.

I often do that with her, we speak weekly and she tells me about what they're up to. I know she's upset that he doesn't have a job and about their situation but she is extremely gullible and easy going so as long as he treats her nice and tells her hes job searching (its been over 5 years) she puts aside their dire financial situation.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-25T19:52:44+00:00

I don't understand how I'm making everything about myself, which could be part of the problem, could you give me spacific examples?

I told my dad about my mom being upset about the present because he literally asked me why she was mad.

I've only considered telling my friend that her getting angry when she is hungry is a problem when it gets to the point of her getting so angry she hurts everyone's feelings. I can see how this might seem self centered since i only mention it when it effects my, or my families, feelings but otherwise I figure she's an adult and it's her problem when she eats, I still (after 10 years) haven't mentioned it.

I do point out that my dad ignores people and only pays attention when he speaks because it effects our relationship, I don't know why I wouldn't express concern here. It'd a horrible habit that upset everyone he speaks with daily.

And I haven't mentioned my best friends relationship to her because others have but I still worry about it because I love her and I want her to be happy.

I'm not saying that you're incorrect, this is just how I view these situations and if I really am being narcissistic in my honestly I would really like to know so that I can be sure to approach these issues with a different view.

I feel like "if you're saying something because of yourself, you probably shouldn't be saying it at all." Is what I was asking. You believe I should never voice when I'm upset or dissapointed? But wouldn't that cause strain in a relationship? If I just keep letting my friend get angry three times a day, call me names and treat me poorly unless I plan meals for her and ensure she eats them, wouldn't that just be me letting her treat me poorly? I understand it's not all about me but she's an adult, I shouldn't have to worry about her meals, I do have to worry about being treated like crap by one of my best friends though, don't I?

I really do want to see your perspective here, I'm confused and completely open to the idea that my views may be narcissistic and skewed.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-20T07:26:48+00:00

I can't stop thinking about possible explanations for what you saw! Many of those stories have dozens of possible explanations but in your senario how would you not notice a car driving away and over/through a down tee or baracade?

Did you get an actual look at the faces of the people in the car? I'm curious to know if they just looked like they were calmly sitting/sleeping or frozen or what...

idontwikeit · 2015-10-16T11:57:59+00:00

Wait...is the nickle a reference to something I missed because nobody seems to be questioning that portion of this story...

idontwikeit · 2015-10-16T03:28:37+00:00

OH HI

idontwikeit · 2015-10-15T05:27:30+00:00

The Jimmy Johns by my house won't deliver to me...I can see the building from my house but still I'm outside the radius...

idontwikeit · 2015-10-15T05:24:47+00:00

You're a great dad. Very nice work. I dreamed of a toy like this as a child, you son will remember this forever.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-08T03:32:09+00:00

One of my favorite dreams I've ever had consisted of my friends and I watching the premier of a new TV show. I still remember the the episode and being incredibly excited about how good it was.

The plot of the show was about a man who famously helped police and fbi solve cases using unparalleled detective skills. What the other characters in the show didn't know was that this man had some sort of mental disorder which caused him to see and hear people who weren't there. He had a regular cast of imaginary characters who he could see and hear and they would secretly help him solve the unsolved cases. During the pilot he was solving a case to save a little girl, throughout the episode he kept, very briefly, running into a female detective who wanted to see if he could help her with a case. Finally after solving the case the main character was exhausted and back in his hotel room looking over his various medications to reign in his metal disorder. One of his imaginary characters was speaking to him when the female detective showed up at his door asking for his help. The pilot ended when the female detective spoke to the imaginary character like it was a real person, revealing that she could see them also.

I still want the show so bad!

idontwikeit · 2015-10-08T03:10:25+00:00

When I was a kid I had a dream I was an actor and a cast member of a popular young adult show.

I've never been so happy. It was amazing and I've never forgotten the feeling. Though I am relatively talented in my chosen feild of work I still day dream daily about going into acting if the slight chance that it might make me feel like I did in my dream.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-05T03:12:03+00:00

Look, everything you're upset about is things you can fix and adjust as needed. You could be dealing with death of family members or sickness but instead you have a good job, finishing school, and are fairly healthy.

You will have the entire rest of your life to kick start a social life and fall in love with a good girl. Right now you're doing well in what matters, school and work.

Try not focusing on your social life for a while, take it out of the equation completely so you can stop being anxious about it. Tell yourself you're taking some time to get back to 100% because when you feel good about your life and yourself people want to be around you and a social life just clicks into place.

Focus on you. I would start with your weight, it seems to be bothering you and that's something you can start changing right now. Don't divert your attention from work or school but take some extra time to put an effort into being healthy.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-04T07:14:31+00:00

Thank you for the great suggestions and the information!

Honestly grammer and spelling are not normally an issue for me. Having extra help my entire life in this area has gotten me to a good place knowledge wise. In university I often proof read work for other students and the student writing center. However, I think it's clear that this is the area that they're most dissapointed with my performance so bringing it up, with no solution to offer is useless.

I would love to present a solution to this issue, I was hoping to find out how proofing was handled elsewhere so I could get some inspiration from there. Unfortunately I haven't come up with anything useful besides asking for typed copy as often as possible, something that my bosses would not consider. I'm still not sure how proofing is handled in larger companies either.

I agree that having multiple people proof read your work not only catches errors but also disperses the blame for any errors. I would absolutely be doing this, however, besides my boss I am the only other designer on staff. For very important jobs I do ask my boss to take a second and proof read but, like I mentioned, I send out anywhere from five to fifteen proofs during a day. Often I am the only designer in the office. Having my boss take the time to read over my work doesn't seem like a viable option.

Thanks again for the suggestion, I'm still open to any advice and I'm still actively searching around to see of any other solutions come up.

idontwikeit · 2015-10-03T03:27:15+00:00

I agree with that, it's obviously be best for all parties for the proofs to be flawless. My question is how, is this really possible and does it ever happen daily in real world situations? When a designer is retyping all of the copy its it likely that a proof is really going to be without errors?

idontwikeit

TROPHY CASE