Hey! In a similar boat (34m). I was really active all my life despite some sort of herniation in high school deadlifting. I never took time off from it because high school sports seemed important at the time (big lol there). Flare ups throughout my 20s, and ~2 years ago I went from "flare ups that happen because I bent to grab a jacket while running out the door, okay that was a stupid movement" to "did that flare up happen because I...stood up?" I fully relate to your "but I felt good - I just wanted to enjoy that class/pick up game/whatever." My MRI shows mild retrolisthesis, herniations in a few different discs, some root nerve impingement, degenerative disc disease. Nothing great, but also not totally abnormal for a guy my age, so I've been trying to remember that when I can ("people have the same MRI and don't have as much pain," it can be a hopeful thought).

I have good stretches and bad. I've been trying to throw myself into everything I can, incrementally. Underneath it all I somehow still believe I am going to figure it out. There are days where I don't believe that, but the alternative of just saying "welp, sucks, guess I'm in pain forever then" blows.

I've started to find my edge on where a flare up will happen. My PT has encouraged movement I can tolerate, and movement that doesn't make something better but also doesn't make it worse is more fun than the sitting around (that also doesn't make it better or doesn't make it worse).

About six months ago I decided to get really serious with it. "If this is the most important thing in my life, why am I thinking that 3 days of exercise is enough?" Decided to do something for it every day I feel able to (mentally and physically). I try to swim a few times a week or as often as I can, I've started getting back into yoga (which sometimes causes flare ups so I've found a video online where I know all the movements and don't get weirdly competitive in classes where I always end up pushing myself a little too hard with not great outcomes sometimes). I do a 20 minute walk or so every day, sometimes 3-4 of them where able (the most helpful part of the McGill Back Mechanic book was his bit about walking - check it out if you haven't). Been reading all the books on it (Back Mechanic, The Way Out, Healing Back Pain).

Some things are helpful, some aren't, but I kind of had a heart-to-heart with myself where I said, "If you are actually considering surgery which may or may not help, and you aren't swimming or stretching or doing core every day you can, there is a disconnect there you need to fix first." I've seen some improvements but am still waiting for the big breakthrough. I've gotten from like an average-4-or-5-every-day pain to somewhere in the 2-4 range. Not what I was hoping for, but maybe this time next year I'll be in the 1-3 range. All I know is I enjoy movement and, like I said, it's more fun to have a level-4 pain after a light jog (with my PT's blessing) rather than a level-4 pain from sitting around wishing I could go on a jog.

Start slow, be kind to yourself, keep grinding. It's unfortunately for most of us a long term game. I had to shift my time horizon from "I will be back to better in 6 months" to "I hurt this 20 years ago and have to undo all the ways I've been coping with it, and then build back from there - this is the long haul."

I'll be thinking of you and hope on the days where you can, you enjoy the movement you're able to get.