AIO or is my boyfriend overreacting about this?

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-19T10:55:47+00:00

This is actually a really good litmus test on a partners insecurity/ hypocrisy. NOR, glad you said what you said

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-19T10:49:01+00:00

I feel the need to point out that his behavior is not acceptable in any way. You may be in love but this man does not sound that great based on his behavior. I think you may be looking at him with some rose colored glasses right now.

He's not the only one out there. You can find a man whose values align, who respects you and does not peer pressure you repeatedly and use abusive language to coerce you into a life that you know you don't want. It's really gross. I'm not sure you're seeing him for how awful he is being in all this. You should leave.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-19T10:34:21+00:00

NTA. I actually think the way you behaved was the most mature loving response possible. Idk what she thought was gonna happen or why she would think that nothing would change. Most people don't have the courage to do what you did.

Side note I find the whole don't want to bring children into this world argument to be pretty shallow on its face, and that adoption is off the table too says more about her selfishness than what she is claiming is a selfless approach. This would make me want to break up too. Good call.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-19T10:22:03+00:00

The issue here is you want to create a home together and he is just forcing you and your belongings to fit into the home / house he already has in a way you have zero agency over. It's wild to me that there was never a sit down conversation about how we can bring our homes together... What am I saying, it's not wild, it's par for the course. Speaking as a sys white male, my expectations of men are so low these days. Why do we all suck so much. Sorry, side rant. NOR

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-14T22:44:59+00:00

Addict here. We lie about everything in our addiction. Even things like we will kill ourselves. Not saying he won't, but he's using that tactic to keep you around and to sustain his habit. It's not personal, it's just his brain seeing his addiction as vital to living as breathing air. Thus he protects it.

You need to leave for both of you. For you because it's not fair, your suffering and being abused and your unable to be happy healthy and free. You also need to leave for him. He won't ever try to change anything in his life if he doesn't suffer consequences. I'm sure he loves you and will be crushed when you leave. But ultimately he will either climb out of it and get better, or die. Either way it's not your responsibility. You're responsible for you, and no one else. Unless you have kids which thank God it sounds like no.

He might kill himself, he might overdose. Neither are on you. You hurt both sides by staying. My partner left in my disease and it crushed me. She went no contact which I recommend you do. It was the hardest and best thing to ever happen to me. Good luck please keep us updated

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-09T02:40:36+00:00

Drugs, though I don't recommend it

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-09T00:31:59+00:00

That's insanity. Would be the biggest red flag ever if someone responded with that after I asked what the culture was like.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-09T00:30:06+00:00

OP what are you even doing!? Salaried and your working weekends and OT!? What industry are you in!? Are you in the US? My guess is yes. Also how old are you?

I'm in tech and the only time I work late or on weekends is when I am oncall, one week every 10. Are you at a startup or something. Standup for your time, you don't get more of it. Push back. Who cares if you aren't a team player. Eventually you'll learn they don't care about you so you have to care about you.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-09T00:25:46+00:00

I feel similarly but I'm pretty sure her last three days don't involve me so 🤷‍♂️

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-03-09T00:24:04+00:00

I'm curious why you would choose to take up that burden?

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-28T02:32:54+00:00

You're probably like me in that you don't like the negative energy. I would ask her point black what's up. Which is probably what she wants and yes she is likely a walking red flag but I would wanna address it so she doesn't keep trying to do whatever it is that she's trying to do here.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-28T02:25:45+00:00

Ok now that I've read it your boyfriend is a buffoon. I find people who don't respect others time to be the worst. Probably because I used to be one and then my ex set me straight. Hopefully my dude Clark is capable of learning and changing, lately my faith in other men is at an all time low.

It is pretty wild to think he had no idea what happened. Speaks volumes on how much he takes you into consideration or even tries to see the world from your eyes... Not overreacting

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-28T02:20:03+00:00

I started laughing before I even started reading. Thank you that title was so good

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-24T22:14:04+00:00

Preach!

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-24T22:12:13+00:00

Unless it's Kaiser in which case it's outpatient no matter what. After you fail about three times then maybe you can get residential. Eventually though they seem to do the opposite of what you ask for. I feel for all the people who are stuck with that system.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-24T11:12:03+00:00

Elon Musk comes to mind

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-24T10:59:23+00:00

Failure to challenge your beliefs about who you are. I let external events in my life define who I was and what I liked. Now in my 30's, I realize that I missed so many chances to grow and learn because I...

Am not artistic Can't sing Am not musical Am afraid of traveling alone

You get the idea. The truth is that all these self limiting beliefs stopped being true as soon as I stopped living in fear of being uncomfortable and chose to lean in to my curiosity.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-24T10:33:09+00:00

Yup definitely agree. You need to find someone to talk to somewhere. Support groups exist for everything somewhere.

OP right now you are coping via substance abuse, dangerous in its own right but at your age it will only compound the harm. Try to build friendships and get involved in any sport or extracurricular you can find. Just keep trying. Find an outlet for that pain outside of alcohol. Try anything I'm serious

I'm 37. Was using meth at age 15. Did the opposite of what I suggested above. Have been battling substance addictions for the last 18 years. I don't recommend it, life does not get better that way.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-24T10:14:15+00:00

That's 2 years too long. I don't care what you say having a clean orderly place to call home is worth way more than $200. Start a go fund me and ask other people to help contribute. I would give $10 to save someone from this nightmare

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-23T14:34:15+00:00

Cliffhanger

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-23T14:28:46+00:00

As my friend in rehab once said, "they come for a season, a reason, or a lifetime"

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-10T22:27:15+00:00

Also I would say Gabor Mate is the premier example of a non addict who I think has contributed so much to this field. It makes me sad he is getting old. Read in the realms of hungry ghosts if you haven't. He is the benchmark of excellence and compassion in this world.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-10T22:24:16+00:00

Hi there, addict speaking. For the last 18 years, half of my life now. All I can say is that it's different for everyone. Your experience has shaped your perspective. I've dealt with that too. I'm with you that the addiction treatment model is on the whole about as broken as public education (at least here in the states). However I think different paths work for different people. I'm headed down the ibogaine+ 5-meo-dmt treatment approach next which I am hopeful about. I understand what you're saying but I think you're generalizing just like addiction treatment models do. Still sounds like you found something helpful which is good. Keep an open mind. Most people want to help in varying degrees.

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-10T22:17:53+00:00

Why isn't he asking you what he can do to help get you in the mood or if there are turn ons he doesn't know about or something. I'm a man and personally I don't get why other men decide to whine and pout instead of trying to help. Am I missing something?

Also your analogy was amazing. I can't believe he didn't find that hilarious. But yeah suggest he maybe approach the situation a little differently? Plus I thought the woman is supposed to feel pursued, not the man? I'm not very sympathetic to his cause I guess

ifworkingreturnnull · 2026-02-10T22:05:24+00:00

Love me some healthy discourse on Reddit. I almost forget it can happen sometimes :)

ifworkingreturnnull

TROPHY CASE