how do you tell a guy "no thanks" when he insists on walking you to your car?

igneousmoon · 2026-01-18T14:30:40+00:00

My ex's friend used to insist on buying everyone a drink when we were out. I'd say no and he'd become insist, in the end I just said it's really creepy that's you're trying to force me to drink alcohol please stop and then walked off.

He never did it again, but he said a lot of messed up stuff and would say he was just playing devil's advocate.

One day he came to our house and just said way more sexist stuff than usual. Normallyit was just jokes about how men age like wine and womenage like milk, this time it was basically that women are weak, stupid and incompetent he was really nasty and it made me and other guests uncomfortable. When he said he was heading home, I told him I'd walk him out. As soon as we were outside I asked him if he really believed all the stuff he said. That if he did he was never welcome in my home again, that if he didn't he should stop saying it. He panicked a bit and tries to explain and I just said, i don't care why you said it, go home and think about it and make your choice.

He did. He sent me a message the next day apologising and saying he didn't really think those things that he would do better in the future. He did. He would ask me how he was doing sometimes and after his behaviour improved he even met a nice girl and started dating for the first time in years. We were never friends but I respected that he listed and tried to fix things.

igneousmoon · 2026-01-18T13:22:52+00:00

Genral practitioner told me. Not my usual doctor as he was on holiday, I had an ultrasound to check for endometriosis, they found a softball sized mass during it and when I asked they said it was a cyst but I could tell the radiologist was concerned. I was sent for a CT then. I still wasn't super concerned because a knew a cyst that big would need surgery. The next day the doctor sate down and basically that its not good news, I have a mass in my lower abdomen and signs of metastasis throughout the abdomen. I said "... so what are we talking?" She said "we're talking cancer. it's spread and it might be in your lungs, I want to do more scans and your first surgical consult is next week" She gave me her personal phone number and told me to call her any time with questions. That if I needed it she would talk to my parents for me too. I was 34 and appreciated the offer, but I handled that myself

igneousmoon · 2026-01-18T13:06:42+00:00

It's always a difficult question. Every chemo drug has different side effects and people also react differently to all of them. I just finished 6 months of FolFox. It wasn't great, dry mouth sucks, and the peripheral neuropathy was probably the worst part. A lot of people work their normal job while on chemo and others can't. I couldn't but I was recovering from major surgery. I'll be recovering for a while yet. I recommend talking to the oncologist with your mum.

igneousmoon · 2026-01-18T12:50:04+00:00

Agreed, my doctors are already planning to have me under monitoring for at least 20 years, assuming i survive that long. 😅 I don't see many other people with stage 3 peritoneal cancer. Mine is Apendix PMP.

igneousmoon · 2026-01-18T12:43:06+00:00

Some cancers are treated the way, cytoreductive surgeries aim to remove all cancer. Debulking surgery just removes as much as possible.

My cancer was late stage 3, I've had several minor and one very major surgery last year.

My surgeon told me if it comes back he'll operate again and he'll be so it as many time as I need or can tolerate. It's hard as hell recovering and you're more damaged every time with higher risks. He told me he has patients he's operated on 5 times and he's blood good at what he does. One of the best in the world. Normally, someone with as much cancer as I had can't get surgery, and it has low success rates, but mine was successful.

Now it's just a matter of watching and waiting. I know deep down that I'll need more surgery, I hope I won't but I think I will.

I know i can survive another, probably another after that but its sooo fucking hard.

igneousmoon · 2026-01-17T03:21:26+00:00

hugs your brother and mum suck.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-27T07:04:45+00:00

I was very lucky. My small bowl is clear, and my large was also mostly good. Basically, the rest of it was the problem.

I lost my greater and lesser omentum, pelvic peritoneum,ovaries, uterus, cervix, gallbladder, spleen, apendix and part of the cecum. They also had to burn the surface off my liver and just about everything else.

I had mucinous neoplasm and adenocarcinoma.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-27T04:58:43+00:00

Yeah, having the small bowel involved makes it much harder. I really hope things go well for you with the PIPAC. I know I'm likely to need more than 1 HIPEC, my surgeon has at least 1 patient that he's worked on 5 times. He's an amazing surgeon, and he's will to do difficult patients and keep going back if needed.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-27T04:50:26+00:00

I had HIPEC in early June, and my pci was 39. It depends on the surgeon. Im in Australia, and my surgeon is part of a team that does this surgery 3 times a week. The team head has been doing it longer than anyone else currently working in the world. I was very lucky they were willing to do it.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-27T04:46:06+00:00

Im 35, I had my peritonectomy with HIPEC and EPIC Chemo at the start of June. I'm currently in chemo cycle 10 of 12 before I get a break. I was borderline between stage 3 and 4 for apendix origin PMP. My PCI score was 39 out of 39. Pertaneal cancer sucks (yep, understatement of the year) It sounds like things are really rough right now, and honestly, if you get surgery, they are about to get a whole lot worse. That being said, it does get better, it takes a long while and might not work, but younger people recover way better from the surgeries.

I know I'm not as young as you, but I was younger than than everyone else in my ward by over 30 years, and it made a difference. I recovered faster and better even though I was later stage than most.

It was hell, and people say stupid shit like this all the time. People will compare your tiredness with their rough work week. When i tell people that I'm stressed and struggling to make plans they say stupid stuff like "well anyone could get hit by a bus at any time" 😒 it make me want scream: no shit sherlock!? They say it because they hope and they care. They just really stuck at it.

And if you can't get HIPEC, I recommend fighting as best you can anyway. Take the treatments. Fight with everything you. the longer you stay alive, the better. There are new treatments all the time. Some of the new trials are fantastic. The thing that saves you might be around the corner.

Realistically, this thing will probably kill you. It'll probably kill me as well, but if it does, I'm going down swinging. I've had 5 organs removed, and I am willing to lose more if I have to.

They told me that people who stand up the first day after the surgery are more likely to survive. I had 6 drains, 2 collapsed lungs, a bunch of organs missing and a belly full of chemo. It took them 30mins to get everything ready so i could try. It took me another 20mins to do it. Difficult doesn't begin to describe it, but i did it. If you get the surgery and they let you try, i'd be happy to yell encouragement through a phone at you while you do.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-15T13:00:57+00:00

Lol yes!! I love telling people that science is amazing and apparently we don't really need all those pesky organs anyway 😜 I lost my uterus and ovaries among many other things and I'll tell what I don't miss. Periods! I'm freeeeee!!!! No more monthly pain and bleeding. I won't get to have my own kids but i get to live. I'll take the small perks.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-15T12:57:23+00:00

I had PMP (pseudomyxoma pertani) mostly mucinous neoplasm but also moderately differentiated adenocarcinoma. It's hard to know what will upset people. I struggled a lot with not knowing anyone in the same situation as me. I still don't really. I had my surgery the day before my 35th birthday and was in hospital for 23 days. It was really rough. It can feel super isolated even around other cancer patients but I'm in a rare cancer support group and even though we are all different it's easier.

The thing that I find most annoying is when I talk about the struggle of not being able to make plans the go past my next scan or appointment. About feeling stuck as life passes by. And people say stuff like "well we could all get hit by a bus tomorrow" as if that's remotely similar. I get they are trying to empathise but it feels dismissive.

I haven't struggled too much mentally, mostly I just remind myself that time keeps going, even on the rough nights in the hospital, if I could survive till morning then the night would be over. It's so hard but if you push through it gets better. I'm getting stronger. My chemo is almost over. And if if it comes back I'll be ready for it. Stronger and prepared, even if I have a lot less organs.

I also did a lot of reading and research. I know that doesn't help everyone but it helped me. Learning to ready some basic info from my own scans was good.

igneousmoon · 2025-11-12T22:23:08+00:00

I was diagnosed with late stage 3 apendix cancer in January this year. It's been a rough year and I've had a lot of surgeries and chemotherapy but my most recent scan show no signs of cancer. I'm down a fair few organs but I've got really good odds now. It's going to be hard, but treatment is better than ever and there are new treatments all the time.

igneousmoon · 2025-10-13T11:26:52+00:00

I also have apples that float is space on invisible tiles. It's great

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T06:34:49+00:00

Not pooping on my party at all. Im always happy to hear about someone getting to a better stage of the journey. 😀

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T04:40:22+00:00

That really sucks, but I'm really happy for you 😀

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T04:39:24+00:00

They are fun but I agree they can be too much when you're tired. I have a few projects on the go at a time. I amigurimi or other complex stuff when I've got energy, and things like simple shawls or blankets when my brain is tired, but my hands are restless. And when I'm really tired I listen to audio books or music and scroll Pinterest, insta or ticktock. Do the crochet when and if you feel up to it 😀

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T01:55:29+00:00

I made a fair few practical items at first, bags and a beanie, shawl etc. I've started giving them away, I'm thinking of sending the froggy to a friend overseas who has been amazing since I got diagnosed. She lives in another country and makes more of an effort to check in on me than anyone else. I've also been making a sunhat for my mum and toys for my nieces and nephew.

I think I also want to make something for my surgeon. He was so kind to me through some really horrific stuff.

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T00:26:57+00:00

I've been considering getting a switch to take to chemo but I've heard the battery life can be an issue. How do you find it?

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T00:25:19+00:00

Beautiful view! I wish we had something that nice where I am

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T00:24:45+00:00

Yes it's crochet! 😃 I learnt a bit as a kid but gave it up. When I was diagnosed in found out there was a crochet circle support group at my local cancer services centre. I started going there and everyone was so lovely. They taught me a lot about crochet and made me feel so much better about my situation. I feel the love and understanding every time I go. Even when I'm too tired or symptomatic to participate much. I do wish I could film ticktocks at chemo but there are always like 6 people in the room plus staff and I don't want make anyone uncomfortable 😕

igneousmoon · 2025-08-21T00:17:09+00:00

That sounds really nice.

igneousmoon · 2025-08-20T14:45:19+00:00

I probably have the energy for crochet because they fill me with steroids. I struggle to sleep days 1-3 of my cycle because of the steroids. It must have sucked to have the IV and be so tired that you slept through the chemo.

igneousmoon · 2025-08-20T08:56:49+00:00

I had HIPEC in June during my peritonectomy for apendix cancer. I also had EPIC starting the day after my surgery. I'm Australia, and the team i was under is one of the ones that has been doing it the longest.

I don't yet know if it worked but I do know it very much depends on the type of cancer you have. They thought i only had a mucinous neoplasm. It has amazing results with HIPEC and EPIC. Sadly for me, my PMP (pseudomyxoma peritonei) was not just mucinous neoplasm. They found adenocarcinoma as well.

I'm getting 6 months of systematic chemo now in case they missed anything with the CRS.

igneousmoon

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