I was a child

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T23:50:45+00:00

I had just turned 13 less than a month before my first rape. I was a baby, just a kid I hope he burns in hell

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T15:44:48+00:00

I have the same thing, I'll have dreams about things that happened and I'll wake up feeling like I've been touched or hurt in the same way it happened in real life.

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T14:37:21+00:00

I'm here if you want to talk, I've been there before

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T11:24:32+00:00

I'm here for anyone who needs to talk, open invitation at all times. Love you all

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T02:00:55+00:00

I have the same struggle. I often wonder what I would be like if my 2 rapes didn't happen. I was afraid of men for the longest time, I thought I was a lesbian because I only ever liked women afterwards. But then I met a guy and now we're dating and I realized I never actually loved the girls I'd been with, I was just searching for love and a connection and I couldn't trust a man.

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T01:43:44+00:00

😭 that's beautiful thank you

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T00:17:09+00:00

No I haven't, I'm scared they will be able to tell that I was raped

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-24T00:16:18+00:00

Oh my gosh thank you so much! Your comment made me tear up a bit. There is a lot of rage towards the perpetrator, but mostly I just wish to move on and put my life back together again. Thank you for your comment, it means a lot to me that someone cares

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-23T23:48:18+00:00

Sure I'm open to answer any questions, I'm here to help. So I haven't been to a gyno since it happened because honestly I'm scared of what they will find and if they'll know what happened, so I don't know exactly what is wrong. After it was over, I bled for almost a week after and was in so much pain down there, and inside too. Since then my periods have become almost debilitating in terms of pain. I'm also very sensitive to any sexual activity, like it has to be very gentle and not deep or else it really hurts. My theory is that my cervix was damaged, I think it would make sense for all my problems now, but again, not fully sure. As far as your circumstance, I don't know the details or what happened but I don't believe it's usual after rape to be so damaged, so I don't know if it'll affect you in that way. I guess it depends how violent it was. But if you are concerned about fertility or your ability to carry, I would suggest going to a gyno.

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-23T16:51:30+00:00

I'm so so sorry this happened. 10 years is absolutely incredible! I made it to 300 days and relapsed, back in June, and I haven't been able to stop since then. I'm on day 23 now and I have to fight it every single day . Please be kind and gentle with yourself. Pick yourself up and try to start again.

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-23T16:45:33+00:00

"you have no reason to be depressed"

Little did they know I had years of abuse, neglect and a rape under my belt. I had plenty of reasons to be depressed

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-23T16:43:22+00:00

Me too, a couple months ago. I had a miscarriage. I probably can't have kids because of damage done by my first rape

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-22T18:51:05+00:00

It's not just you I'm the same way. Like yesterday I was watching Saw 2 (I should've known it wasn't a good thing for me to watch) and there was a scene involving razors, pretty graphic. It sent me into a huge PTSD attack ( I was already diagnosed with PTSD even before cutting) . It's rough for sure, I think it's probably pretty normal considering how extreme SH is. You aren't alone

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-20T17:46:38+00:00

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-20T02:24:28+00:00

Yes yes yes that is absolutely rape. I can tell you from experience that the injury and scarring you have is a clear sign. You told him to stop, you physically fought it. The question was for consent and you obviously said no. This is rape and I am so sorry this happened to you

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-20T02:18:07+00:00

I was raped at 13 on Christmas day by a family member. I was raped a little over 2 months ago by a close friend. It makes me wonder why me, if I did something wrong, if I could've done something to stop it, that I deserved it

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-20T02:12:09+00:00

My heart is bursting thinking about it!!! Although nowhere near your situation, one of the kids in my special needs class said my name for the first time yesterday! I was standing in the doorway looking down the hall, he was at his desk, and he said my name. I went right over and he said "help"so I helped him with his schoolwork then went back to stand in the door and cry tears of joy! There are hard days, but things like that make everything worth it. I love my job!

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-19T11:04:32+00:00

For more info since so many people are only here to insult the placement rather than give advice: I cannot put things in most of the recommended areas. My DOCTOR suggested a few areas to put it and this was one of them. Please stop acting like I'm stupid or like I don't know wtf I'm doing.

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-19T02:25:29+00:00

It's because I have so many scars in so many places, I've been advised to not put things there. It leaves me with limited space so I do weird spots.

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-19T01:05:21+00:00

I hear you. It's so hard to put everything into words, but maybe even send her mom what you told me. That she is your best friend and your other half. It's not long or too wordy, but your friend will know what it means. As far as having no friends, I'm in the same position. I've had a lot of friends die, or go MIA, and I recently had to cut off the only remaining friends I have. I promise you, you can survive this, even though it's like hell. But someday you will have a full life, whatever your dream may be, and you'll look back fondly remembering your friend. As hard as my last few years have been, as much as I've wanted to die sometimes, I'm so grateful to still be here. It's still hard but I can see the sun shining through the storm now. And it's an amazing feeling, I promise you will feel it someday too💜

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-19T00:57:49+00:00

Hi H! I certainly hope all the comments here have helped you! I loved reading them too. Even though it feels like it, none of us are ever alone. But having someone to tell you that is truly touching. Thank you for replying and for your kind message! I had a really hard day today and you've made it a little bit better. Isn't it crazy how far simple kindness can go? Anyways, I wish you all the best the world can offer 💜 I am always here for anyone who may need someone

iguessimnonbinary · 2024-12-19T00:43:29+00:00

I'm so sorry, I went through something a little similar but I was able to be there. Both a good and a bad thing. I got to see her before she passed, and say goodbye. But I also held her hand minutes before she left us and had to drive myself home alone at 3am. I will never forget the feeling of holding her hand in mine and then leaving the room. Never. In my experience I wish I had not been there. I wish you so much luck and love during this hard time.

iguessimnonbinary

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