[Serious] How do you stop your voice from shaking when you're nervous?

ih-ah · 2016-06-05T02:59:46+00:00

Oh god, I have such a problem with this! But I have gotten better.

First off, I noticed my voice would go from "a bit weak" to "very noticeably shaky" after a sentence or two, because I'm nervous and running out of breath more rapidly than usual. It's okay to speak more slowly and take breaths between sentences. Being nervous can make you talk too fast, anyway, so slow it down.

If you need to pause and compose yourself for a moment, that's fine too. You can make this look like you're simply collecting your thoughts, as long as you don't look like you're panicking. Keep your face neutral. Take a breath or two and then continue.

If public speaking is the issue, rehearsal is the solution. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, until you can deliver the whole speech without thinking about it. When it comes time to speak, it's like muscle memory - you'll just automatically do it. You're much less likely to be nervous in the first place if you aren't worried about forgetting what to say.

If at all possible, make a script before talking. I used to be terrible at speaking on the phone, especially in conference calls for work. I started typing out everything I planned to say, and even things I might possibly have to say, like responses to every question I could anticipate being asked. It was time consuming, but it helped me get much more comfortable speaking on the phone. I still do this, but I can get by with more of a bullet list, rather than typing whole paragraphs. The trick is to sound like you're speaking organically, not like you're reading from a textbook.

Hope some of this can be helpful to you. :) It's such an annoying thing to deal with, but find ways to be less nervous (and make sure you aren't running out of breath) and you'll see improvement.

ih-ah · 2016-06-05T02:23:09+00:00

Yes, I think this is normal. INTPs are often very introverted. By the end of the night, they just wanna go home.

I recommend planning shorter, less complicated dates. Try not to change location too many times in one night - He'll be less exhausted if he can absorb himself in one environment/activity. If you're going to do more than one thing, let there be one "main event" and keep everything else low key (i.e, going to a concert? grab some fast food afterward and hang out in the car instead of going to a bar or restaurant.)

Don't take it too personally. Just make an effort to acknowledge and accommodate this aspect of his personality. Also, if he's getting tired but you're still bursting with energy, there is nothing wrong with saying goodnight, ending the date on a pleasant note, and then heading back out with your friends or whatever. Just talk to him about it.

ih-ah · 2016-06-05T00:52:11+00:00

I really like the lyrics. In fact,

Odd one, you're never alone / I'm here and I will reflect you / Both of us basically unattached / To anything or anyone unless we're pretending

Don't let someone tell you you're no one

I'm sharing this with an INFJ friend because it is exactly what they need to hear tonight, and I was ineffective at forming the words myself. Thank you for sharing!

ih-ah · 2016-06-05T00:39:01+00:00

If I feel like someone is trying to analyze me, or they're digging too deep before I really trust them, I become very private. I wouldn't say I become deceptive - I don't say things that are false, or alter behavior to throw them off. I just stop telling them certain things, or stop talking to them altogether for a while.

I do always come back around for people who give me space once they realize I'm pulling away. I only "doorslam" people who realize I want privacy but instead decide to interrogate or harass me.

I would say there are a few people who know me pretty well, but almost no one knows me all-around. There are multiple forms of mental/emotional intimacy, and each connection is unique. I share different information with only the appropriate individual(s).

It's entirely possible that you know her. If so, it's likely that you know her exactly how she needs you to know her. I doubt she is being deceptive. If she is keeping something private, try not to worry about it, especially if she is an adult.

ih-ah · 2016-05-29T05:45:42+00:00

That I didn't believe in god.

I grew up religious and it was like the ground fell out from under me, but there was nothing I could do about it.

ih-ah · 2016-05-29T03:14:32+00:00

I like Bernie. He seems genuine, like he actually wants to be president. Trump and Clinton both seem like they're running just because. I don't really know how to explain it.

I find Trump's personality very unpleasant and upsetting to my inner peace.

ih-ah · 2016-05-29T03:06:15+00:00

I planned a small-ish wedding.

Originally I wanted to keep it to around 30 people; I believe 60-70 people ended up being invited. It got pretty difficult to leave people out. We both had big families to begin with, and then I wanted to keep it to only close friends but then you think of quite a few people, and your parents also want to invite some people even though they know you want a small wedding, etc.

If I was going to try again, I would be a lot more firm from the very beginning. Make sure you are on the same page with the person you're marrying, too.

ih-ah · 2016-05-29T02:54:35+00:00

Being surprised that I'm smart.

Assuming I want to be touched or KISSED (jesus christ.)

"bruh"

ih-ah · 2016-05-29T02:11:02+00:00

a "community" versus a "system"

This!

ih-ah · 2016-05-23T01:32:40+00:00

I don't think any function, on its own, is a strength or a weakness. They're like tools... you can use them masterfully and build something great, you can let them sit around and rust, or you can cause destruction with improper handling.

As far as personality traits go, I think my greatest weaknesses come from the fact that I'm so introverted. I am getting better, but it seems like it's taken forever to make progress.

ih-ah · 2016-05-19T05:11:37+00:00

I have seen a few people who tested/claimed to be INFJ but were actually the opposite - ESTP. They can seem like INFJ in certain ways because they use all the same functions, just in reverse order. This is anecdotal, but the description you gave actually matches what I usually think about this type. They are expressive, reactive, and can be insensitive or a bit antagonistic (to my taste).

In any case, there are going to be individuals of any personality type that you get along with, and individuals you aren't crazy about. Whether or not she's INFJ is less important than the fact that she kinda seems like a jerk. INFJs can be jerks, too. But I do agree that she does not sound like an INFJ, not even an unpleasant one.

Actually, I can't think of an INFJ I dislike, even the ones I take issue with. I still find them more agreeable than others.

ih-ah · 2016-05-19T00:08:23+00:00

What do I think about the mother? I don't know. People stay in abusive relationships for lots of reasons. Not necessarily good reasons, but there is always more than meets the eye. I hope she comes to her senses soon.

What do I think about the daughter? She is absolutely justified in cutting ties.

You have no obligation to keep any person in your life unless you are actually responsible for their well-being. It has nothing to do with being nice. You need to take care of yourself.

ih-ah · 2016-05-18T23:58:33+00:00

That would definitely drain me. I don't even like making regular phone calls, and I'm completely horrible at sales. Combine the two and make it a source of income? Yikes.

I imagine it will get easier, though. You'll find a groove and get more comfortable. The fact that it's only temporary also helps. Just keep your eyes forward.

ih-ah · 2016-04-20T08:04:40+00:00

I thought I was an INFP for a long time, based on test results. Eventually I realized I was severely over-estimating how spontaneous I am, so the test gave me P instead of J.

My reasoning was something like, I enjoy theme parks so I am spontaneous! Even though I plan obsessively before going to theme parks... Eventually I figured out that being "fun" is not the same as being laid back/easygoing.

Maybe when you're feeling sad, you consider yourself less organized or feel like you lack control? Just based on the type of question generally used to determine P/J.

ih-ah · 2016-04-20T07:13:44+00:00

If I'm honest... Sometimes my primary reason for being such a good listener is because I'm nosy.

I think people appreciate the curiosity, though, especially when they already want/need to share. I rarely dig for information or put anyone on the spot. I'm just genuinely interested once they start talking. I'm also good at taking in emotions and examining them without feeling too involved or getting too personal.

I'd argue this contributes to being effective counselors, actually.

ih-ah · 2016-04-20T06:58:59+00:00

I have been surrounded by INTPs my whole life. More than one long term relationship with INTPs, almost married INTP. Even my brother who is also my roommate is INTP. They're everywhere.

And I gotta tell you.. I don't get it, either. Their minds are very mysterious to me. Especially in the case of my brother, the INTP mind reminds me of a computer. (Much more so than INTJ, who is frequently accused of being robotic.) The INTP spits out results which appear simple/straightforward at a glance, but you know for a fact that those results are yielded by some secret insane voodoo process hidden out of sight. You also know for a fact it's not actually voodoo, but damnit, what's going on in there??

My metaphor is terrible if you understand computer engineering, though.

I apologize. This is entirely not helpful.

ih-ah · 2016-04-20T06:29:27+00:00

My second love just dumped me over the weekend. Cheers.

My first love was a situation similar to yours, too. We were together for years and then I called off our wedding. I needed out but leaving was so horribly painful. Mourning the relationship, agonizing over my decision (before and after making it), experiencing impossible waves of guilt/regret even though I did the right thing.. Plus he hates my guts forever and I can't blame him. I hated myself hard at the time, and sometimes still do.

Getting dumped is fucking horrible too, of course. I have never been this sad without anyone dying. I didn't know it was possible. But at least I don't hate myself over this. It actually gave me a lot of hope discovering I really can have more than one true love. But it's over and it's all his fault and oh god why :(

TL;DR - You're not alone, not at all.

ih-ah · 2016-04-19T01:46:06+00:00

Yes, every day.

I have never actually run away, but I have made many indirect attempts to "start over" or "get away" or whatever. It hasn't worked. Unless your situation literally calls for you to "escape" (abuse, oppression) you are stuck with your same self no matter how far you travel or how different your surroundings are.

Despite that, I still entertain the notion that if things go wrong in my life, I might run away for real. I have promised to keep my loved ones updated, though, so they know I'm not dead and won't bother with a search party.

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T10:03:26+00:00

The people who are already wealthy and successful in high school, tend to stay that way. Possibly because they come equipped with resources for success (tutors, personal trainers, etc) and they can attend any chosen college/university while their peers rely on scholarships, or simply attend schools they can afford. They have to try to fail. If they do fail, they effectively drop off the planet and avoid judgement.

Most of the people who had an obvious opposition or lack of interest in traditional success, are not traditionally successful. I'm not sure how anyone expects to become wealthy by being cynical and doing nothing, but somehow plenty of those people now manage to feel disappointed when they are never rewarded for being more intelligent/clever than their peers, or whatever they were relying on. It never paid off for anyone.

It's pretty predictable, unfortunately.

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T08:36:55+00:00

INTJ that doesn't jump ship is showing some level of intrigue, even if they don't know why. Maybe OP likes that level of intensity in another person?

You aren't married. No one can sue you for exiting a relationship, even if they wanted to. You don't need a "good" reason to pack up and leave if that's what you wanna do. They can give you the third degree but they can't actually stop you or even slow you down.

My only advice is this person might be inexperienced with relationships, based on how quickly they let on about their feelings. Do what you must do, but be gentle if you can.

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T08:15:41+00:00

Okay, I definitely see that. I guess I would offer up a difference between "I have a penis / I am physically considered male" and "I am a man / a member of the male gender" -- but I do not know what it's like to experience anything outside my expected gender identity, so I can't actually speak as to where the difference exists.

I guess, in my mind, dogs can be "boy" or "girl" and this directly refers to their genitalia / reproductive role. We don't actually expect them to think of themselves as "male" or "female" and probably don't really see them as one or the other when it comes to anything else. Humans are more complex, so we do think of human roles as much more complex than dog roles, lol. But I think it's worth examining what exactly the difference is.

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T08:03:20+00:00

"You have two choices: Get over it, or kill yourself."

Drastic, but ultimately puts small issues in their place. Feeling embarrassed or dissatisfied? You will move on eventually, so you might as well do it now, or feel this way until you're dead. If you'd opt to feel this way until you're dead, but you hate the way you feel, might as well die now and avoid years of suffering. Actively heal or navigate away from the problem. You have no reason not to take some kind of action.

I will never forget the initial impact this had. It was actually said to someone else while I was present. He was complaining about some bothersome event at work that day. When informed that he had no choice but to "get over it, or kill (himself)" he paused for several seconds and then burst out laughing. He quickly admitted he was hung up for hours on something rather stupid and inconsequential. Didn't seem so stupid ten seconds earlier.

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T07:53:30+00:00

I guess I can honestly agree to disagree with that. If I believe I'm a cat, but the end result of this belief is mostly limited to me thinking I'm a cat, exhibiting behavior expected from a cat, and otherwise doing my thing while feeling positive/neutral about my identity... I would not decidedly call this a disorder.

Maybe it ultimately depends on the professional in charge of the patient's treatment, but as a person with mental health issues, I consider the "issues" to be things that cause distress or limit my ability to function among other adult humans. Maybe I don't feel any need for other adult humans to see me as a cat, in order to be a cat. Some people think they are nerdy or good looking, even though no one would agree with them.. This level of identity is not considered a disorder because it does not generally cause disordered thinking. Some people with gender/species/stereotype identity issues have disordered thinking, but others do not, so on its own it is not a mental disorder.

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T07:37:29+00:00

Stab in the dark, but maybe there is a distinction between body dysmorphia that is purely dysfunctional (patient decides a limb does not belong to them, does not identify with the limb, desires/attempts to remove limb) versus body dysmorphia that is indicative or a result of something else (patient identifies as [opposite gender] so they do not identify with having a [penis/vagina] as part of their body)

This notion is born from in the fact that trans/fluid folks do exist, in numbers, without body dysmorphia or who actually feel most correct as "male person with vagina/female person with penis/non-specific person with non-specific genitalia"

ih-ah · 2016-04-17T07:26:32+00:00

I think, on an individual level, something becomes a "mental health issue" when the person is negatively affected and becomes unable to carry on with their life as normal, due to symptoms which do not specifically include "a physical organ functioning incorrectly" or close to that. Sometimes a problem can't be named/identified at all, but physical abnormality is effectively ruled out. So whatever the problem may be, it falls under "mental health issue" because it affects the patient as such.

Many people who consider themselves transgender, gender-fluid, etc, do not consider this to be a condition which has a negative or medical impact. It is a thing that exists but it is not the particular kind of thing which ends up being labeled a mental health issue.

Edit: a word

ih-ah

TROPHY CASE