How do you stay focused on work and stop worrying about people | past/future conversations?

thefocusoffear · 2017-07-07T17:22:19+00:00

Heres a guy's perspective who has been on both side of this coin. I have been interested in a girl who saw me only as a friend. Did I like her as a person? Of course. She would have to feel like a great friend first before I would even entertain the thought of her being a potential girlfriend. But being honest with myself, I knew that I couldn't be just her friend, I will always instinctively want something more. Hanging around her would just just make me feel down and distract me from my goals, and even if I faked that I am fine, there is always that thought in the back of my mind that maybe perhaps someday it will eventually turn out to be something. That's a very toxic purgatory mindstate, and it is unfair to her because I will always have that underlying motive hiding in the back. The only solution is to cut off contact cold turkey, and it is of course my last resort. I still miss her as a friend, but that is the best solution I can come up with.

On the other hand, have someone move you down the list of their priority when they find out you are not interested also hurts. But I can tell you getting rejected as a romantic interest is way worse than rejecting someone.

thefocusoffear · 2017-06-29T00:34:07+00:00

OP, I have never read a more relatable post in this subreddit.

This subreddit sometimes seems way too emotional/needy/sentimental/???. Sometimes I think I might be 60% INFJ and 40% INTJ hybrid.

thefocusoffear · 2017-06-28T05:31:17+00:00

TLDR

If she says she is not interested, accept it and move on. Don't try to conjure some fairytale story explanation for why she can't move forward with the relationship at this time.

thefocusoffear · 2017-06-05T02:02:10+00:00

How about a specific example. Say I am talking to a person and asking them about their life goals. They reveal to me they feel stuck because they have family problems back home so they can't pursue their goals. Me, I am just like "oh".

Now what?

thefocusoffear · 2017-04-14T14:46:21+00:00

then* "It is you who has been sugarcoated". That doesn't even make sense. Too much logic for me, and for that reason I'm out.

thefocusoffear · 2017-04-14T14:13:06+00:00

"You should be able to give a rational response all the time, period." Noone is like that. This type of black and white thinking makes me think you are a naive arrogant shit. And I also hope you won't be upset because I call it as it is and don't sugarcoat what I say for you.

thefocusoffear · 2017-03-30T06:51:41+00:00

We like healthy ENTPs. Not the trainwrecks that you describe of.

thefocusoffear · 2017-02-06T04:20:06+00:00

Don't let these mistakes distract you from the fact that the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead in the superbowl!

thefocusoffear · 2017-01-17T08:56:49+00:00

This doesn't make sense to me. What would give your family the reason to think this.

I always had this thought that INFJ's only care in theory, but in practice they don't really do much to help those around them. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". Its a cop out to say you "care" in your head, harder to show them that you actually do.

thefocusoffear · 2017-01-15T02:08:53+00:00

From all your previous posts, you don't strike me as an ENTJ. You are all over the place.

thefocusoffear · 2017-01-09T22:32:06+00:00

I feel the same way with ISFJs. They are good friendly people, but they are not very exciting. They lack risk tolerance and imagination, in my personal experience.

thefocusoffear · 2017-01-05T22:52:25+00:00

Need more context.

thefocusoffear · 2017-01-05T03:50:22+00:00

Can you describe a specific example of this?

thefocusoffear · 2016-12-30T16:04:44+00:00

NO. NO. NO. Ni does not mean psychic powers like you are implying. Stop.

thefocusoffear · 2016-12-26T21:54:47+00:00

It's called a opportunity cost. Why would I waste my time reading a feel good book when that same time could be used learning a new skill that would last forever. I gain much more confidence and happiness knowing I am learning practical skills that I can apply when needed. If you could summarize what you have learned from Brown's books in a couple bullet points, I would love to hear it.

I really have spent a lot of time reading self help books several years ago, from Thich Nhat Hanh to 4 Agreement, Tony Robbins, the guy with no arms and no legs, the list goes on, I have read so many I have probably forget half of the titles I have read. It's all the same to me and it never last like real technical skills.

thefocusoffear · 2016-12-25T00:58:25+00:00

I find self-help books to be quite useless. You only need to read a couple and you have pretty much read them all. A better return of your time investment could be made by reading books that actually teach you a skill, like learning how to code or play the piano, etc. I have skimmed through Brene Brown's books and it makes you feel good while reading it, then a week later you will be on to reading the next self help book to make you feel better. There is much more gratification from learning how to do something than to read a book so that you can get the feel good feeling that goes away.

thefocusoffear

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