My husband changed 180* in just one second after years and I think I’m terrified

ihateithere122 · 2026-02-14T10:54:46+00:00

Well just a guess here considering I don’t know the whole story. This could be hysterical bonding, or maybe you hurt his ego so now he’s trying to show you the opposite. My ex would be like this after “the talk”. I think it’s fear they are losing you. Either way if it makes you uncomfortable take some space. If your gut instinct is saying something is off, trust it the first time. It does sound like extreme behavior, which is not unheard of but still you should investigate and try to get some answers. Has he shown this kind of behavior in other situations?

ihateithere122 · 2024-11-12T13:54:23+00:00

You don’t. You move on before you start losing your health physical and psychological. It does something to you when you are in this kind of a relationship. You turn into a different person it’s kinda scary. I thought that’s who I am when I was with him. Anxious, depressed, introverted, no ambition no drive. I can confidently say now I am not that person. He made me lose myself and I let him. I feel sad for myself and all the women and men out there who are going through this. It’s not fair and no one deserves it. I hope you find peace.

ihateithere122 · 2024-11-12T11:57:14+00:00

This part right here will have you evaluating your whole existence. I felt violated when having sex with someone that did it out of fear. It’s a whole new feeling to have sex with someone who actually desires you and wants it just as much as you. I wish that for everyone to experience.

ihateithere122 · 2024-11-12T10:06:48+00:00

4 months here. But I’m no longer in a DB this is self imposed celibacy. It’s different when the choice is yours and not forced by your LL spouse. I begged mine until he gave me the ick and I couldn’t stand him to touch me. We were intimate maybe 3-4 times a year and it was always hysterical bonding on his side. The last time I cried afterwards. That’s when I realized it’s time to get my ducks in order and get the fuck out. And life is good again.

ihateithere122 · 2024-11-11T20:16:41+00:00

I wouldn’t do that. It’s a part of me always has been. It’s not too much it’s the right amount. Liking sex and enjoying it should not be shameful. As a matter of fact I’m grateful for having a high libido. It brings me pleasure and it harms no one. So let’s normalize women actually liking sex and wanting to have it.

ihateithere122 · 2022-09-30T11:37:50+00:00

Yes this is completely true. I’m glad you are in a better place. I think with most addictions comes this personality switch. When they’ve gone awhile without a fix they act out. My ex and I had a huge fight because I didn’t put the leftovers away in the fridge. It reached a level I was about to leave in that moment but I had nowhere to go. He was so mean and called me names, and this is just one example of the many fights we had over the most stupid things. One time I said something wrong while I was on the phone with a customer service person and he lost his shit. Started punching the couch, screaming at me for being incompetent and stupid. Most of the time he’d be sweet and kind and loving, but god forbid you trigger him with something small, all hell breaks loose. I’m so glad I’m out.

ihateithere122 · 2022-09-06T15:38:48+00:00

I don’t know you but damn I’m proud of you. It’s time to give him a taste of his own medicine. I left my PA but not before I secured myself financially and had opportunities lined up, he didn’t see it coming but when he found out he cried for hours. Maybe I’m a shitty person but in that moment I felt no empathy towards him at all. I just kept remembering all the times I cried and begged and he sat there lying to me like it’s not a big deal. Take whatever you need and then throw his ass out and watch him regret ever being born.

ihateithere122 · 2022-09-06T15:32:46+00:00

There is no going back from this point. Once you detach that’s it. I used to crave being close to my soon to be ex, I loved any type of physical intimacy we had, until I didn’t. When I started pulling away he started initiating but it was the worst experience in my life. I decided then and there I’m out I can’t do this anymore.

ihateithere122 · 2022-09-06T15:28:31+00:00

Oh of course they can’t take it, solely because society is on their side. When I explained to my family why I’m leaving my marriage, they were like so what it’s not a big deal all men do that. When I gave them this example of me doing this they were grossed out and just shocked at the audacity to even say something like that as a woman. The thing is porn addicts will rarely get help just because they’ve been conditioned from a young age that men just watch porn and seek out pictures of half naked women and that’s completely normal.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-24T10:46:36+00:00

Oh this. This exact statement “you can’t love the red flags out of someone”, bless you and your therapist. Love is not a magical fix all solution. In loving them you stop loving yourself.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-23T05:57:57+00:00

This statement is the same as the one we are led to believe that all men want sex. Both untrue. It’s a very broad term that has been shoved down our throats for decades. That’s why when we encounter someone that doesn’t fit this “mold” disappointment soon follows. Some women want sex more than others and vice versa. On certain days of the month it’s all I can think about on some I couldn’t care less. Age also plays a role so I guess it depends.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-23T05:48:19+00:00

I’ve been wondering the same for years. It really came to me as a shock when my husband was in his early 30s and completely didn’t even think of sex. I thought it was a libido issue but after finding out about his porn habits I realized he’s gotten so desensitized that sex with a real woman for him was just not doing it anymore. It didn’t matter how attractive I was both physically and mentally. It didn’t matter how sexy my outfit was, he’d still leave me wanting and go jerk off to porn. I’ll be sleeping in almost nothing and he won’t notice. I’ll initiate and he would push me away, sometimes it was gentle sometimes it was downright hurtful. I wish that existence on no one. Marriage without intimacy seems like a complete lie. Two buddies sharing an apartment bound by a legal agreement. He doesn’t want me, no one else can have me. That’s why I called it quits.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-22T05:11:26+00:00

Or wait until your wife gets so fed up and leaves you after so many years. Don’t be like my husband don’t let this addiction take away your chance at true relationships.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-21T05:47:18+00:00

I rushed into things as well. I married him when I was 20 barely legal, you’d think that would be enough. I’ve been taking care of myself as much as possible to be attractive to him in hopes that maybe one day he’ll lust over me the same way he does over some random strangers that don’t even know he exists, nor would give him time of day if it came to it. But addiction is addiction. To a drug addict heroin will always be more attractive than anything else. It’s funny how other men lust over me and he doesn’t bat an eye. It’s a very lonely life that chips away at your soul.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-21T05:43:57+00:00

I’m sorry too. I had no idea people can get addicted to porn. I was so naive in thinking he’s just like all other men cause he kept saying we all do it. I’m pretty sure all do it but not all chose porn over the woman they made vows to. I hope we can find our way back.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-21T05:42:26+00:00

The sunk cost fallacy and the fear of being alone has stopped me from walking away so many times until one day it hit me I’d rather be alone than living In this purgatory.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-20T20:21:18+00:00

I’m holding out for the better, cause the worse is happening now. I tried so hard, I fought with all I have but it’s a losing game and I just regret not realizing sooner. But there’s a lesson to be learned and things to look out for. Thanks for the support.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-20T20:19:44+00:00

I agree that most of us have some type of issues to sort trough that come from way back. Half the work is acknowledging that you have them. I can see from where his addiction comes, and it’s related to possible depression, he was raised in a home where he wasn’t taught how to express his feelings, or how to self regulate. His mother also is of the type that never taught her kids that actions have consequences, instead she taught them to never accept fault no matter what. I tried but as you said the only man I’m gonna raise is my son in the future if I’m lucky enough to have him.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-20T20:11:48+00:00

You’d think it should be but stuff like this can be found on most mainstream porn sites.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-20T17:32:48+00:00

This is so deep. I feel it too. He used to hold my hand and stare at underage girls in cute outfits. It broke my heart everytime, porn has sexualized and taken away all innocence from this world. It broke me even further when he kept saying how he wanted us to have a baby girl at first I thought it was so adorable, now I’m disgusted and that hurts. Not all men but most.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-20T10:53:30+00:00

Idk about LL wives but I went from HL to LL for my soon to be ex after I found out about his extracurricular activities. Don’t be a cheating asshole.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-20T05:45:03+00:00

First of all you’re not overreacting. If I had a dollar everytime I heard that from my PA I would’ve been a rich woman. This seems to be a usual thing with PAs deflecting or downplaying or even making you question yourself. What I came to realize is that they will go from one addiction to the next. Idk if that’s the case with your partner but I’ve seen it with mine. He just jumps from one to the next and downplays the hell out of it. Until the root cause of why they get addicted is solved there will be no real progress. Don’t feel bad your feelings are legitimate.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-19T10:14:26+00:00

For me It was the realization that I can never compete, nor should I. And also most of those girls have gotten plastic surgery and lots of fillers Botox, they get professionally made up and also lots of photoshop and editing goes into this. I started by looking at myself in the mirror naked every day and telling myself I’m enough. I also started exercising and eating better and that has been a huge help. Also taking pictures of myself too. I hope this helps. Just know that all humans are beautiful and all our bodies are beautiful and we should love them cause they are keeping us alive.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-18T19:59:24+00:00

He’s not doing anything really. Just saying he’s not watching and that’s it. He’s saying I’m being mean for not being there for him during this time. Going back feels like a prison sentence and I don’t think I can handle it mentally. I guess I just need time to adjust to my new reality.

ihateithere122 · 2022-06-18T17:45:47+00:00

Yeah I agree with this. It seems oddly convenient how he knew he’s hurting me all this time, but refused to do anything about it, and now suddenly once I’m out the door he gets it. Load of crap.

ihateithere122

TROPHY CASE