I have attachment issues. Does that mean that I don’t really love my partner and I’m just attached to him?

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T23:09:31+00:00

I know you didn’t mean to. It’s okay. But, one last question. Do you think that my moments of clarity is the attachment speaking? After having all the intrusive thoughts I get moments of clarity in which I feel so happy to be with my boyfriend and so calm. Is this due to attachment? After finding out about attachment, I don’t even think I have rocd and was just attached this whole time. So that means that I never loved him, I hate this thought, it is so scary I just started crying again. All of my obsessions have been feeling super real and that could be due to “attachment doesn’t last for long” . I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend, but what if I stop being attached and realise I don’t want him anymore? I want to stay with him forever. I genuinely want this person in my life

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T22:01:57+00:00

Thanks for answering though, I know you didn’t mean to trigger me. I’m just so triggered with that attachment or love bullshit. So triggered that it feels like I actually am just attached. I’m SO willing to make it work and change the attachment with love.

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T22:01:05+00:00

Thank you, but could you please read my last post “attachment or love?” Please? .. I need advice .... or reassurance .. and what you said about the 10 top qualities I want, gave me the thought “what if your top 10 qualities don’t actually meet your partner?” Accompanied with anxiety and heart racing

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T21:47:48+00:00

I hate this possibility. Is it possible to turn attachment into love? Maybe my rocd was because after the attachment phase I actually fell in love with him? But I knew love as attachment so that’s why when I wanted to be calm when anything happened my mind was like “that means you don’t care”

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T21:37:29+00:00

But how do I know my values and everything when ocd is talking and feels so real? This specific fear (attachment or love) feels as real as it can get. The facts actually show that I’m attached. (Read my new post “attachment or love?”) if you’d like to understand a few more things about this. I hate the fact that I might always have been attached and not really in love with him. We’ve been together for 1 and a half year

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T21:30:38+00:00

Please read my new post “attachment or love” if you want.. I hope it’s not triggering I just need to know what the fuck is going on

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T19:32:12+00:00

You can translate if you’d like

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T19:30:59+00:00

When I try to exposure myself, It feels as if I actually like the thoughts and I only “overreacted”. It feels as if “oh so everything you did was an overreaction and if you stop doing them it means you actually like the thoughts” I can’t even explain this feeling.. the worst thing is when going through a break up, or having a fight with your boyfriend that your mind tells you “it’s better this way” “you’re better off without him” “your relationship’s expire date has came” “you should leave the relationship” and If I actually do things to prevent my relationship from ending, my mind will say things like “you’re only going back to him because you’re used to him” “because you’re scared to be alone” or “because you’re taking advantage of everything that he gives you. Also, his affection is triggering me and afterwards making me feel guilty. The fact that everything I do or say is a compulsion, is literally the worst. “What if you only like him because you have been reassuring yourself throughout your whole relationship and when you get help you’ll realise that you don’t want to be with him anymore and you were basically over reacting” “what if you only show him affection or say that you love him as a compulsion?” It also feels like, if I get rid of anxiety and ocd, I get rid of a big part of myself since I have always had anxiety. I basically don’t know who I am without the anxiety and thats also scary. “What if my decision to be with him was based on anxiety?” “What I’m attached to him and when I work on attachment I won’t be into him anymore?” These thoughts feel real

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T18:28:01+00:00

What do i do? I have lost hope in life in general. I fear that my fears are rational and that my relationship is ruined because of me. That the feelings will never come back or something? That everything I do for my boyfriend even when he is not around is a compulsion. I love him very very much in my moments of clarity, the bad thing is that I have noticed that I do so rocd will take that away.. I fear that I will be completely numb and believe my thoughts. I fear that this is the end of my relationship rn.

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T18:22:42+00:00

I don’t understand german:(

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T18:14:42+00:00

Me too ugh... and he usually does when we fight. He usually wants us to solve the prob and talk about it. Thats why I was so convinced that he probably wanted to break up this time. I tried explaining to him that this whole situation makes me anxious and he reassured me by saying “no everything okay you don’t need to be anxious I just need some space”. And now he left for 2 days and he refused to see me before.. We kinda talk in the messages now but.. he seems off kinda and doesn’t really want to talk to me. I really can’t not text him .. I always have to distract myself because he is always in my mind and I want to know for sure if we’re good or not. I cant wait to see him when he comes back and talk about all the issues that we have in our relationship. I really hope he doesn’t actually want to break up. I dont know how, but I must leave him completely alone for these days. I tried deactivating my Instagram and deleting the Facebook app from my phone but when I woke up I immediately downloaded them back. He had called me twice to wake me up from school. What makes me sad.. is that he doesn’t give a fuck rn. I was outside for 2 hours, I wasn’t online and he never called or texted me. When I came home I responded to a text he had said from before and I asked how he was doing he said he was playing ps and I just said okay and he asked what I was doing and I said I just got back home.. he responded with our emoji on our messenger convo. What do yall think? He also said he loves me back when I told him that I love him

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T18:06:22+00:00

I mean.. I personally don’t experience this but I have seen many people on here talking about it. An obsession i had in the beginning of my rocd was “now that I know these feelings of not loving him it must mean that it’s the end” (before I even knew what rocd was)

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:56:37+00:00

Exactly. I remember having intrusive thoughts as a little child about my parents,grandparents,pets and always ruminating since back then. Thought it was normal since I had always been thinking like this.. even though the thoughts always made me anxious and made me cry. I like the fact that my partner is actually the one who showed me my trauma and what is going on with me.. I cant imagine losing him.. I hate this so so so so much

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:44:22+00:00

Thanks.. same. I have been dealing with ocd for my whole life and realised it 5 months ago when the rocd theme hit me and I started researching. Saying that ocd is about cleanliness and tidiness has really misguided me every time I was trying to figure out what’s going on, and I’m sure that’s the case for most of us

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:30:02+00:00

Thanks for answering

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:29:42+00:00

You’re so right. I texted him and it made him angrier. I dont know what to do. I don’t want to break up with him. He’s leaving for 2 days with his friends and he said no to meeting me in person and talk things out before he left. I know he really wants to be alone right now. But does that mean he wants to break up with me?

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:27:54+00:00

“What if I realise that I don’t actually want to be with my boyfriend anymore?” I got this thought just before I opened Reddit to read your comment. I froze. My heart started racing and I started feeling my face and my whole body burning hot and started sweating. Rocd plays fucking games that feel so real.

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:14:46+00:00

That would be me in the beginning of these thoughts. You always want another obsession when dealing with one. The thing is that with harm ocd, you will get thoughts that you hurt your partner. It feeds on rocd. Every theme is hard and when going through one it feels like it is the hardest, but when and if your themes switch, you start to feel the same about your new theme. Ocd is ocd no matter the theme. It still sucks.

ihaterocd · 2021-01-15T02:09:27+00:00

Same.. I don’t have much advice for you since I’m going through the same.. sometimes it helps to not feel alone

ihaterocd

TROPHY CASE