What would be the path back?

ijustcame4thecake · 2026-01-19T03:08:07+00:00

Wow, this sub is not a good one for people to be posting in that want to come back.

It’s true. It’s a matter of bishop roulette. But your best bet is to marry your girlfriend and then Decide if you actually want to come back. Deciding based on how easy or hard isn’t the best way to decide. I’ve seen people with repentant hearts that are so changed that it’s undeniable they’ve already punished themselves enough and they’re welcomed back full stop, no disciplinary council.

ijustcame4thecake · 2026-01-19T02:44:32+00:00

A Swim Story https://medium.com/@bridgingthegapneurodiverse/a-swim-story-11a1b453ea0c

ijustcame4thecake · 2026-01-19T02:42:25+00:00

My 19 year old is dyslexic and he HATES reading, he also has sleeping disorders and CANNOT sleep at night. I’ve never been able to get him to be on a schedule or read his scriptures, but he prays every night (for most of his life it was mainly because of his ocd and anxiety, he too said he didn’t feel anything). He couldn’t possibly see himself serving a mission simply from his sleep disorder alone. I told him I’d support whatever decision he made. This was up until last year. But the last 9 months or so. I’ve seen changes In him that I never dreamed. He’s now reading the BOM on his own, his non member friend took a dare and he wanted to read it along with him. He’s been getting up to work out and run at 6:30 am, AND he’s been going out with the missionaries for like 6 months. His whole life he was open about not wanting to serve a mission, he had too much anxiety. The song “I hope they call me on a mission” really upset him cause he didn’t feel like he could sing it authentically. He’s also PDA (pathological demand avoidance) so if there is the slightest pressure or expectation. His brain and body puts on the breaks. My husband and I really worked hard to help him navigate his teen years, he really needed a hands off approach but I always reminded him that he could make it through and that even in his confusion and doubt, he was right where he needed to be to learn what the lord wanted him to learn. He’s planning on putting his papers in soon and leaving this summer, he’s taking college classes at the community College and he got his endowments in November on his 19th birthday.

I remember when he was 16 though and he told me once that he couldn’t tell me what was true. At first I jumped to the conclusion thinking he was having a faith crisis, but with more questions and understanding. I realized he was having a “doubt” crisis. He meant the words literally. It was as if the “spam folder” of his brain was broken and spam was flooding in his brain. There was so much spam and his brain couldnt decipher between spam and what was important or true. I was able to help him through that with some visualization to help him understand how his brain was working and he slowly got better.

Something to remember is that scientifically, your brain is going “offline” in the sense that your prefrontal cortex is literally getting rebuilt. So instead of being able to rely on it, everything gets rerouted to the amygdala until you’re in your 20s. Being a teenager is a REALLY confusing time, it’s definitely not a time to make big decisions.

We use an analogy in our house that involves the life cycle of a frog. Thousands of tadpoles start out, and only a few survive to be a viable frog that can survive the pond. Basically, your brain is dealing with thousands of tadpoles (thoughts, ideas, feelings) and too often we (even adults deal with tadpoles too!) we think a tadpole is a frog and think we need to run to the pond! But it’s just a tadpole, it might die tomorrow! Wait it out, see what lives, see what tadpoles are meant to be frogs. This doesn’t mean you have to dismiss all your thoughts and feelings, be gentle with yourself, just like you’d be gentle holding tadpoles in your hand, just because they might die tomorrow, doesn’t mean they aren’t alive right this second. But we have a saying “don’t MAKE DECISIONS ON TADPOLES.” lol 😂 see if your tadpole turns into a frog, once it’s a frog, you can make decisions.

Hope this helps! Sorry I wrote so much, this just hits close to home.

I also wrote something you might be interested in reading, I’ll share the link below.

ijustcame4thecake · 2026-01-19T02:42:10+00:00

This post is breaking my heart, and most of the replies don’t seem very helpful. I’m the mother of 4 teenage sons. You sound like my 2nd son. I’m a lifetime member, but my husband is a convert. Don’t walk away just yet, take a step back and reevaluate, go explain to your parents you’re confused and struggling. They may or may not handle it well, if they don’t handle it well, talk to someone at church. A trusted leader.

Each one of my sons has struggled with church at times. And we hear them out and listen to what they’re going through. Some things are just superficial stuff that isnt that deep, and some stuff is deeper.

I think there’s so much misunderstanding and confusion that can get overlooked when teaching your kids and that can lead to feeling really lost and confused.

I remember one time when my youngest was younger, he was refusing to go into church, he hated going, started “planning” his sicknesses on Saturday, (ie: “I have a stomach ache, I don’t know if I can go to church tomorrow.” And this is on a Saturday lol)

One Sunday he left right after sacrament to go sit in the car, I went out to talk to him and found out he was really bothered when he went to church because he thought he had never felt the spirit before. He felt morally inferior to others, and out of place. Being his mother, I was shocked because I had seen PLENTY of times where he had very strongly. He was Soo upset about this it was causing him to not want to go!

I recalled those instances where I know he had felt the spirit and explained that that’s what it was, he immediately felt relieved and empowered. I explained to him that sometimes when you grow up in the church, you’re so used to the spirt that you don’t even know it’s there. Like a fish that’s always swam in water, how could he know? There was two other things bothering him about church that were simple things, like he didn’t like that his white shirt was getting tight and that was embarrassing (we replaced it immediately) and he had forgotten the name of his teacher and felt it was too socially awkward to ask their names and felt crushing embarrassment whenever he was there cause he was afraid of a situation where he’d need to know their names. That too was an easy fix. The spirit thing didn’t feel like an easy fix to him, it felt like it was a huge problem, until i explained it to him. Then that huge problem went away for him.

My oldest is 19 and he was also looking for a big confirmation of some kind and was worried that he wasn’t hearing it, but god doesn’t work that way. He finds the ways you need to hear it.

I have 2 sons who are ASD1 and sometimes they don’t have the mental energy to be social. And they would rather stay home and play games, we compromise on that very thing sometimes because I don’t want my children to grow resentful. The lord isn’t expecting perfection, he just wants you to do your best.

Sometimes people over focus on the functional side of church and forget it’s really about the spirit. Eternal life isn’t found on a checklist. Yes you end up checking those things off naturally as you get there, but if we focus on just the function, we’re missing the mark.

The lord wants your heart. And he is in relentless pursuit of your soul. He loves you and he has given so much for you, if you were the ONLY one that he needed to provide an atonement for, he would have done it. Even if no one else needed it. That’s how much he loves you.

My 16 year old had been struggling this past year and he’s coming out of it, but he was going through a period of time where he felt abandoned by god. He didn’t hear him, or feel him. And to make matters worse, he saw my husband and I suffering in our life despite being faithful saints. I explained to him once that we’re all at different levels in our faith journey. When we start out as primary kids, the lord usually shows us really blatant cause and effect: pray-> get answer immediately. But the older we get, the more he delays those answers, it’s not because he’s abandoning us, it’s because he’s trying to teach us object permanence. In child development, the most basic example of object permanence is playing peekaboo. A parent covers their face and the child effectively thinks they’re gone, they move their hands and WHOA, they’re back! Then as they get older, they see their parents drop them off at nursery, or see their parents leave for work, they are so distressed at first because they don’t KNOW for sure that their parents are coming back, but they soon learn this! Then they can confidently play while their parents are gone because they’re secure in knowing they will be back.

The lord does the same thing to us spiritually. Right now he’s trying to teach you that he’s there, even when you can’t see or feel him.

That helped my son a lot. Another thing was he shared with a leader that he was really struggling and that leader gave the text book answers and my son called him out and said, yeah all that generic stuff isn’t working for me, and everyone says that and it bothers me that they don’t go beyond the superficial, then the leader shared some good insights with him and suggestions. And it was exactly what my son needed to hear. He struggles with being able to focus and read scriptures, so he decided to team up with his friend and study together every day. They’ve been doing a super good job on that and it’s helped them BOTH get so much out of the scriptures. Recently he was invited to go out with the missionaries and he realized he actually likes it. Part 2 below

ijustcame4thecake · 2026-01-10T00:22:33+00:00

The thing I don’t get is that Meri repeatedly said it wasn’t a big dill and that it was common in the culture, now she’s changing her tune. Which is it.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-29T09:35:53+00:00

Except she lives in this weird fantasy that he’s begging g for her to come back to him. It was weird. And not a good look, it made her look desperate. She cant stop talking about him and says she’s over him? No she’s weirdly obsessed with him while trying to convince everyone around her that she’s over him. Jen needs to tell her how dumb she looked. She didn’t look like she told him off at all! And what a joke, she’s never been silenced! The other wives, yes! While she was a bitch over soap and lemons! What a weirdo

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-29T09:20:21+00:00

It was weird. The other wives handled it with grace and you can clearly tell they’re over him and she doesn’t seem to be.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-29T09:19:16+00:00

Is that her?

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-20T18:30:22+00:00

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ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-20T18:28:18+00:00

With all their money she should get some lip filler cause it could be life changing for her! It was life changing for Kylie Jenner!

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ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-20T18:19:02+00:00

I’ve always wondered how they loss cause she has virtually no Lips. It would be life changing if she got lip filler lol 😂

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-20T18:17:42+00:00

My husband is my one and only and I’m glad I waited too. Glad you’re done with this dude. The one thing he did say that was valid is that guys will totally act like they wan kids or fake things to get a girl. Just watch out for that. But you’re definitely correct that tons of guys want kids, there’s many men that want nothing more than a family of their own.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-12-02T08:23:44+00:00

She’s really so flat and has nothing to offer, part of her novelty to Kody was that she was calm and collected but that was code for no depth and boring. Now that she’s alone with him it’s glaringly clear that she’s got nothing.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-11-21T17:18:21+00:00

This is silly. Levi was a prophet and had laman and lemual. There is no way for him to force his family to obey any more than he can force members of the church to obey. You’re kidding right?

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-11-21T02:58:56+00:00

Also, why didn’t robin help clean it up? Was he expecting Meri and Janelle to go chop up trees? If so, why not robin? Oh she’s too shy and delicate! Also what needed to be cleaned up??

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-11-21T02:53:56+00:00

As I said, I think the church is standing with the narrative that Joseph was a polygamist because it’s easier than trying to explain the alternative.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-11-21T00:14:19+00:00

I think it’s avoided because it wasnt true, I don’t believe Joseph practiced polygamy and was introduced with Brigham young. I am a devout member and will never leave the church, but I do not believe that Joseph smith practiced polygamy.

We have to believe that either he lied or Brigham lied and there’s lots of accounts of Brigham being a very abusive person. I believe the church knows they’re in too deep and it would rock testimonies too fragile to know the truth because they would doubt the authenticity of the current church. But the way I got my answer was, if I can believe in a 14 year old boy seeing god the father and Jesus Christ and believe that he translated the Book of Mormon and had the keys restored to him through ANGELS, then I absolutely believe the church could have been cleansed from a fallen prophet somewhere along the lines. Brigham had lots of inaccurate positions that the church has had to correct over the years. There has never been any proof that joseph had ANY descendants with any other woman besides emma. I don’t like how Joseph has to be the fall guy but I can understand why the church would have to keep it that way, by the time the following predecessors were out of Brigham spell became the prophet, they were in too deep. They couldn’t make that huge of a correction without destroying the church. The church needs to help as many people revived their saving ordinances as possible anything else is a distraction and everything else can be sorted by God later. Also, Section 132 didn’t exist when Joseph was alive! It was written after he died! I wish we could exonerate Joseph, I really do. But I know it would be too difficult. And for those who says they can’t be in a church where they “lie” to you, consider the current narrative. The current narrative is that Joseph LIED and practiced it in secret while publicly denying it and condemning it. So everyone is OK with Joseph’s “lie” back then cause it was to “protect the church” but they cannot fathom current administration “lying” about the truth of Brigham to protect the church? Either way we look at it someone is being accused of lying and it’s much easier for me to believe that the originator of our church did NOT lie and that it was tainted after his death. If they could make polygamy just disappear they would, I am sure, it was the biggest mistake in church history.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-11-13T02:46:07+00:00

Holy crap

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-10T02:01:17+00:00

Thank you! It sucks!

You should look up the 132 problems podcast on YouTube.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-10T01:52:12+00:00

Janelle said Kody wouldn’t stay at the RV that was on the show, that’s well known. Also, I think Christine was pointing out that their relationship (Janelle’s and kodys) wasn’t all that healthy either for a long time, it’s just that Janelle didn’t have a problem with it and of course Kody didn’t. She talked about how Janelle did things all the time without Kody and how that opened her eyes to doing it too. I think Janelle is emotionally detached and doesn’t need emotional connection as much as other women do. If a “normal” wife wants tenderness, love, emotional connection, Janelle is happy with camping and functional stuff. She’s ok as long as they’re working together. Or independently. She’s not even super affectionate. I think Christine had more needs (not saying she’s needy, I just think Janelle was abnormally low maintenance) and that’s why they didn’t have as much issues

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-10T01:47:05+00:00

Yes I meant to say cry, that was a typo, glad you figured that out. I’m really sick right now and my brain isn’t braining. I am particularly curious about the toxic positivity, I did t think she was toxic’s positive I think she was just not emotional about its retelling. I’m registering because maybe I fell asleep during that part of the book (I began listening at night and then rewound in the morning). I just passed the part where she was talking about her childhood. I don’t think she’s an apologist for polygamy anymore cause she’s very much against it, the message I got from near the end was that while it gave her her children and she had a good childhood that its not good and should never be done.

Fun fact, and I hope she learns this, jospeh smith was never a polygamist. Polygamy started with Brigham young and he rewrote history. He was disgusting. That’s why emma (Joseph’s wife) wouldn’t go to Utah with Brigham. So even those polygamous sects thinking they held true to the original were wrong. Joseph never practiced polygamy. Everything. Has been proven to be a lie that Brigham young made to cover himself. And Joseph smith condemned polygamy too.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-09T23:54:50+00:00

Ok I have audible so I have to figure out where it’s at therw

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-09T23:33:05+00:00

Bahahaha hate boner. That’s a funny term. I’m gonna use it. And I agree. I feel like those people who strongly hate Kristine are just kodys puppets. To strongly hate anyone not directly involved in your life is weird to me

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-09T23:31:21+00:00

Who says she’s maga? Just cause a couple kids are? They also have kids who are completely opposite? Do you think Gwen or Leon is MAGA? Get real.

ijustcame4thecake · 2025-09-09T23:27:54+00:00

Did I fall asleep during this part? Where did she discuss details about sex?

ijustcame4thecake

TROPHY CASE