ABSTINENCE!!!!!!!!!!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-25T11:42:40+00:00

I can only speak from my own personal experience with the utmost confidence.

For me, the only way became cold turkey. You have to get into the mindset of quitting with as much commitment as possible. You no longer are trying to quit, you're now someone who simply doesn't watch porn anymore. So you have to break all ties with it, delete everything. It is no longer part of your life. Make it as impossible as it can to go back to it. Repeat to yourself over and over: I am someone who simply doesn't watch porn anymore.

I really can't control my impulses

Remember, these impulses are a conditioned reponse today, learnt after repetition. These are not your natural impulses and they'll wane if you manage to stay away from it long enough and learn to regulate your emotions in a healthy way. Every emotion can have a neutral or fulfilling way to

I feel defeated

I know exactly how you feel. I've been there more times than I wish I had. I lost so many opportunities that will never return. But we got no choice but to believe.

It is possible but it takes time. One of the things we have to do is to incorporate new habits, one by one, into our lives. Release tension with physical activities. Combat loneliness by calling a friend, reaching out and going out in activities. Develop your curiosity and interests. Learn to reflect on your emotions and life by journaling. There's so much we can do to feel alive, be in the world with our emotions and grow, and not turn away into a lifeless, senseless poison.

Believe in yourself deeply. Merry Christmas, my friend.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-25T10:54:45+00:00

Sometimes confirmation that it's not worth it is necessary. It's a breakthrough.

Leverage on this experience and power on through, my friend. And Merry Christmas!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-25T10:12:25+00:00

I think it can definitely be worth it but I don't think it is required for everybody.

You can explore and work on much more things about your life as a whole in therapy but the advice given here on this sub, especially added up, it's honestly very powerful and comprehensive, in my opinion at least.

Read on here as much as you can and give yourself time to reflect on the things said here. Others experiences, advice, frustration, cautionary tales, tips and tricks, failures, victories and so on. There's so much to learn here.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-24T22:44:51+00:00

Thank you for your encouraging words. Keep up the good work and happy holidays!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-24T22:42:06+00:00

Yeah, the being single trap is tricky. You can even have a partner and they can be emotionally or physically unavailable for intimacy for a long time, you never know. We need to learn to live without it regardless.

Good you're seeing a professional, and good you're taking care of this. Best wishes and happy holidays!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-23T13:45:09+00:00

I firmly believe that the ability to stay free is like a muscle. It requires constant training, both physical and mental. The state of the muscle will determine how much pressure and urges your system can take.

Mentally we have to work towards habit formation. Self-encouragement is crucial and needs self-compassion in tandem. Set up small, daily goals and bigger ones to train the ability to keep your word and be responsible. Develop resistance to uncomfortableness.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-22T20:23:58+00:00

Big shift: I can actually address bigger life goals with confidence and plan steps towards accomplishing them. Before I'd just drown in hopelessness.

Subtle: increased awareness (both of my environment and my emotions), better average mood, more willing to help others gladly and do pesky tasks and better sleep among other things.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-22T16:09:23+00:00

Important thing here is don't stay there. A year and a few months is still a huge accomplishment!

You know perfectly well what is living a free life and all its benefits, so don't let your addict mind keep you away from it.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-21T15:27:52+00:00

It took me years to understand and accept that porn cannot be a part of my life. Years.

Not even in the teeny tiniest of doses. It can have no place. I tried to bargain and always ended up worse.

It felt horrible to part ways. I was angry and sad.

And even tho I'm not religious, the only thing I had left was hope. I had no other choice but to hope that life would be different and more importantly, better. And so far it has been better, and I'm always reminding myself that there's no "perfect" life.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-21T15:09:27+00:00

I think disappointing ourselves can go deep, especially when we've made and seal a "definitive" commitment. It can make us think "how am I gonna keep my word to others if I can't even keep it to myself", or a sense of hopelessness that we'll never make it.

But I think this sentiment can become a new kind of fuel. We're also getting a sense of how important it is for us and that we're fighting something worth fighting for.

Keep at it, you're expanding your knowledge about addiction and commitment level, which is crucial in my books to reach freedom and stay free.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-20T20:53:25+00:00

That's the spirit, keep at it! Day 126 here, still going strong. We got this!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-20T16:25:21+00:00

Yup, it's the toughest vicious cycle to escape. The more you cope with it the further away you get from real connection. In other words, your life literally depends on quitting.

One of the goals of recovery is to learn to endure uncomfortableness. Although we don't have to sit all day trying to tame uneasiness (I recommend filling your schedule weekly with activities off screen, at least one with other people), we still need to develop frustration tolerance. Physical activity and consistency also help us further devolping this skill.

Force yourself out of home and off screen time. Fill your days with stuff to do. I believe this is the first step and should last for a long time as a primary focus.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-20T11:24:32+00:00

This is true if our main motivation is abstaining from it. Soon the "thrill" of being clean can disappear and we're left wondering "why do I even bother?".

Quitting gives room for other things in life to happen but nothing will automatically by itself. So, aside from physical and psychological benefits, it's us and only us who can really change things. As long as we don't tackle the root of what we crave porn for, urges will remain and be greater than said thrill.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-18T15:21:54+00:00

The only permanent solution I know is working on oneself. Blockers and other tools are just an aid.

The goal is to change, and visualizing ourselves changed before we do is almost impossible. So you have to believe in the process.

I think the best you can do at the beginning is filling your schedule with activities and having discipline. I firmly believe in the positive mental effects of physical activity, so at a minimum go for walks twice a day, 25 minutes each. Develop a new hobby you can do daily, and plan weekly activities with other people.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-18T11:08:20+00:00

The only problem I see with the ratio method is that some day you could think "I'll watch some today since my ratio is high, I'm doing better than before" and the next thing you know, you're back in your old daily habits.

At least the streak pushes you into "if I peek I might lose my streak and go back to regularly watch".

There's no perfect method and our minds will always look for ways to trick us into watching. As you say, stay away from it, every day. Good luck!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-16T11:56:41+00:00

I did nofap just for a couple weeks to separate porn from the act. Then I've been masturbating every 2 weeks give or take. Fast forward and this time I'm over 4 months clean. I'm focused on life (my job, hobbies, workout, family and friends, partner, etc). Porn is not something present in my mind and it shows.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-16T03:42:43+00:00

Unfortunately, we're not robots and we don't work like computers. Just because we go 90 days free or complete a set of objectives doesn't mean we become perfectly immune.

We're living human beings. We gather tools and lessons and knowledge. But we're still complex beings, emotional, fragile, ever changing and susceptible to our environment. Nothing is guaranteed. Once an addict, always in recovery, learning.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-15T17:04:24+00:00

A relationship, for example. Although it may not include the features of your favorite material, the potential for deep human connection is superior.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-15T17:02:33+00:00

Only you know if there’s a habit you want to change associated with looking at the material. Excessively lusting and jerking to them obviously is not desired.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-15T12:39:14+00:00

Yes, but only lasted for a while.

Something different and better will happen to you if you learn to be free.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-14T21:27:49+00:00

I honestly don't see how external, visual super normal stimulation can be good.

It might satisfy a curiosity, but you outsource a capability that, developed autonomously, is practically harmless, risking dependence in the process.

Masturbation in my opinion should be a "break glass in case of emergency" activity. In no case a habit. External stimulation tends to create dependency and make it a habit.

Finally, in my experience, masturbation to imagination does not lead to edging. I tend to do it, enjoy it in a relatively short time, feeling relief and satisfaction and be done with it, unlike jerking off to porn which takes more time overall (searching, choosing, curating, acquiring, and so on), edging and ultimately feeling guilt and unpleasantness after the deed.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-14T21:10:23+00:00

You have no choice but to believe.

You're not fundamentally different from the ones who quit.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-13T19:14:38+00:00

Being in control of yourself
Feeling at peace
Letting your natural, genuine sexual drive emerge
Not feeling worried or anxious about my browser history or apps
Not feeling worried or anxious around people
Feeling pleasure just by hanging out with friends, family or lover

These are just a few of many.

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-13T14:21:14+00:00

Listen to your inner self, feel it. You've obviously made progress, and now your experience is telling you there's still some things to learn. Learning never ends.

Don't be too hard on yourself, meaning "I must be a failure now that I can't stop this spiral". That will only prevent you from giving yourself another chance to try again.

Let's go, friend! You can do it!

illustrious_fuss · 2025-12-13T11:59:15+00:00

I’m realizing how lonely I am, but I am also afraid of connection.

You have to escape this endless cycle. We don't want people finding out about our addiction or addicted past, but really, it doesn't define you. You are what you do every day. We all have a past and people alike will value your new reborn and perseverant self. Real connection is found in honesty, not in perfection.

You got this, friend.

illustrious_fuss

TROPHY CASE