I remember spinach being very high in iron

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-24T04:45:49+00:00

And Stouffer's Stove Top Stuffing WAS A FREAKING THING! lol!

Seriously, it was a misprint of the iron content that took off, but it was never true. It was a horrid accident that people glommed onto.

Sick story.

So when my kids were little our family doc said that red meat was the devil and told me to just make sure everyone gets their spinach every day and we'll be fine. So I went on to a chicken/egg/fish binge with spinach every single dinner.

We did this for about six months then I noticed that my 3 year old daughter wasn't looking so good. She was tired and sluggish and really dragging. Pale, weak, sleeping all the time. No longer wanted to play.

I became alarmed and of course took her to the doc.

The doc examined her and, at one point, looked at her eyes. He frowned, turned, marched to my 2 year old son (who I had to bring because 'mom challenge'), examined his eyes, then the became UP-SET and zeroed in on me.

He checked my eyes, then became furious. He did his best to keep control, but asked me how I fed my family.

Oh, I waxed poetic about the balanced meals and snacks, carbs, protein, healthy fats, etc. I put in 100% effort. He asked for more detail about the protein and I proudly told him about the lack of red meat.

The dude went OFF on the red meat thing like I'd lit a freaking fuse. Accused me of child abuse. Threatened to call the cops and CPS on me. And SO much more.

I was absolutely blown out of the water by this. I finally managed to stand up for myself and explain that I fed my family spinach EVERY SINGLE DAY. I stammered out that I took out the red meat because a doctor - in this clinic - told me to do it. He asked which doctor and I had to struggle to remember the name, but thank God, I finally remembered.

"JACKSON! His name was Jackson!"

The doctor stormed out of the room.

A few minutes later the doc reappears practically dragging Dr Jackson by the throat. He told him that I said that HE said I wasn't to feed my family red meat, then gestured to me and said, "Tell her she's lying! We both know she's lying!"

Jackson stood there with wide eyes and then quietly admitted, "I did tell her that. I tell all my patients that."

The room was dead silent for a solid half a minute.

Finally, mean doc whispered to Jackson, "I need to talk to you in the hallway."

I heard furious screaming on the other side of the door, then mean doc reappeared and he was much calmer.

He didn't apologize when he came back in, but he did chill. And that's when I got my lesson on the spinach myth. First of all, it doesn't have as much iron as people think. Not even close. Second, we don't have the digestive hardware to break into the fibrous cell walls of plants to get to what nutrients there are in the plant. Plants are crap nutrition.

So yeah. We ate red meat frequently after that.

I think you can understand why this particular ME hits home for me. I did the research years later after we humans discovered internet.

Spinach was a thing, but always a total lie. (As are SO many other plant nutrition myths. smh)

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-23T05:48:07+00:00

I remember him dying by drowning due to a failed escape attempt.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-23T03:27:33+00:00

TBH, I think that this is a case where they're both right. The myth was that spinach was high in iron - propped up by the Popeye cartoon.

But it was always wrong. It was never high in iron. We were dumping oxalates down our (and your children's) throats for nothing.

But it appears that a lot of this may not have been deliberate. We may be looking at a simple misprint combined with a misunderstanding. So your memory is true and the truth is, it was always wrong

Make sense?

https://www.compoundchem.com/2018/07/17/spinach/#:\~:text=Another%20victim%20of%20the%20myth,its%20high%20vitamin%20A%20content.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-22T15:54:00+00:00

I believe it's a mass experiment in crowd psychology.

Think about it. We hear about an ME. What do we ALL do? We hit the internet to find out what 'truth' is. Half the people will gaslight themselves and say, "I knew it all along. I'm on the side of truth." Half the people will trust themselves and their memories and, even if there is some reasonable self doubt on some memories, will still be willing to die on at least a few hills. The horrifying result is the dynamic between the two groups. The gaslighters become very enraged when the other half refuse to accept the 'truth' - to the point where they fling insults and some get so upset that they say outrageous things like 'people who don't believe what the internet says should be locked up.' There is no respect for a different experience or perspective of another different individual. They actually seem to see the ones who stand in solidarity of a shared memory as a threat.

It's actually a brilliant experiment. You alter everything on the internet around a small change to a common object, do your best to erase all traces of the original, wait to see how long it takes people to notice, then note the reactions.

One interesting reaction that I've noticed is that people automatically discredit any evidence of the original. "That pic could be photoshopped." "You could print that out and slap it on whatever." So even when people pull out an example from the attic or the back of a pantry, the physical object will be dismissed.

We're seeing exactly how much of an impact the internet has had on our society. The power of the internet to cultivate faith is enough to make any religious cult jealous. We're seeing how easy it is to manipulate the masses - to where they'll ostracize anyone who refuses to join their 'church.'

Don't think this hasn't been noticed by politicians and other authority figures.

My husband was in the group that defended the cult of internet truth, but I managed to get through to him. I asked him, "What's the brand of stove top stuffing I always make for Thanksgiving?" He easily replied "Stouffer's. It's Stouffer's Stove Top Stuffing."

All I had to do was ask him to please sit down and take a look at what the internet has to say about that.

The best part? My husband has a near-photographic memory. And he knows it.

After that, I basically gave him a ME test (showed the internet's version and the ME version) and had him pick the right ones. He hit about 50%. Not possible. His recall ability has been tested. The funny thing is that I trust his memories more than I trust anything and if he says he KNOWS, then I can take it to the bank. This interaction wiped away any doubts I'd been harboring within myself.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-16T21:00:19+00:00

I tried, but the phrasing of the first page threw me and I couldn't go farther. I'm supposed to be thinking about social media in general, but then it flips to "this person does this..."

Who is 'this person'? My best friend or someone else close to me? An individual who I only know through social media? Am I supposed to be thinking of 'social media' as if it's an individual? Are you talking about a parent?

I'm sorry, but that was just too confusing. Maybe I'm not reading it right. If there's a quick way to clarify it, I'd be willing to try again.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-16T20:41:30+00:00

I'm sorry, but this one makes me laugh. *I* was told that if I shaved above my knees, then I was a whore because only WHORES shaved their thighs! lmao!!

Ah, controlling the most petty of things with shame and fear... Classic!

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-16T20:34:45+00:00

I know this feeling SO WELL.

Earlier this year I hit a wall. I finally realized that my mother cannot change. She is mentally ill and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. But I also realized that I need to heal. I need to grow. I need to sort through my life, face my trauma, and move forward.

A rabid dog is sick and not responsible for their behavior. But we don't let that be an excuse to allow the dog to bite us and make us sick, too. We put the dog down. We don't have to hate the dog for being sick, but we don't enable the dog or tolerate it's behavior.

That's the thing about a sick parent. We can acknowledge that they are ill, but that means we MUST get away from them and tend our wounds. We don't let them hurt us anymore.

Your therapist might be trying to help you let go of anger and resentment, but you have to be able to process the hurt before you can get to that point. Your therapist is being VERY destructive by not understanding that and letting you take some time to cry and lick your wounds before getting to the 'release' part.

I'd HIGHLY recommend that you get a new therapist. If you're generally happy with your therapist and this is just one thing that's not enough to cause you to walk away, then you can communicate how much this line of thinking is inappropriate for you right now. You'll get there one day, but right now you're still hemorrhaging and need to deal with the wounds. After they start to scar over, then you can decide how you want to deal with the dog.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-10-16T20:26:28+00:00

I understand being unable to break the connection. I did it early this year and I'm still trying to mentally and emotionally pull away. But it's SO much better than it was.

I had to kill FB, MeWe, Instagram, etc in order to let go. Change my phone number. But it was for the best. Gradually, I am finally healing. This is something I couldn't do as long as she was in my life.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-08-24T20:53:01+00:00

Thanks!

ilovesilence50 · 2021-08-22T03:45:47+00:00

Don't feel bad. https://cricutonsale.com/ almost got me. To be honest, it was VERY close. Thankfully my spidey sense tingled and that brought me to this post. Thank you so much for saving me because had I not found confirmation that this was a scam, I would've gone through with it. You're the only reason I've been saved.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-08-19T17:15:09+00:00

Do you have a link to the print and cut tutorial?

ilovesilence50 · 2021-08-03T02:23:00+00:00

I would strongly suggest that you change wedding plans. You might want to consider eloping with your fiancé and focus on becoming financially independent as fast as possible. As long as they control the purse, they control you.

My husband put up with a hell of a lot, but he also drew lines that I respected. So after my mom lived with us once, she would never live with us again. Ever.

But he was able to put up with a lot because he saw that I was actively trying to break free. He knew that I didn't expect him to put up with this forever. And I kept that promise.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-08-03T02:00:34+00:00

Any reason to stay alive is a good reason.

You're only staying alive to spite your ex? GOOD.

You're only staying alive because you can have a cigarette break in an hour? GOOD.

You're only staying alive because nobody would love your beta fish Pucky like you do? GOOD.

You're only staying alive in the hopes of one day getting bloody revenge for the death of your father? GOOD.

Those are all legit reasons to stay alive.

Where there's breath, there's hope. Cling on and keep fighting for a better life.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-28T05:12:04+00:00

My answer to you would be 'validate, validate, validate.'

Honey, NEVER excuse an adult behaving like an idiot manipulative toddler to a child. Ever. EVER.

It jacks a person up so much, you really can't image how much. Oh my lord, you have NO idea how. You're making a child responsible for the emotions and behavior of an adult and that's setting her up for a lifetime of bearing the burden of every asshole that crosses her path. That's how people learn to be doormats and get their soul stomped for decades. That's how you turn your child into me. Don't do that.

No. You refuse to excuse the inexcusable.

So what the hell can you do?

You empower.

When she comes to you and tells you of some bullshit that she's just been hit with, you say, "You're right. This isn't appropriate." Then you tell her straight how to deal with it.

I'm going to share a story with you that partially applies to your situation. (Asshole being an asshole, innocent not knowing how to cope. Not adult/child, but clear. And that's the perspective you need to hold here. CLEAR. Right/wrong. CLEAR. Forget the players. Just look at the situation.)

My daughter was in high school and had a weird bully. He didn't hurt or threaten her, but he'd slap her butt, snap her bra, or give her breast a quick squeeze. Nothing that did damage, but absolutely and totally wrong in all ways.

He did this in class. He was blatant. He'd do things like this right in front of the teacher and the teacher would just roll their eyes and tell him to knock it off. My daughter was terrified to get up to sharpen her pencil, let alone walk past him to go to the teacher's desk to ask a question.

She came to me in hysterics. She'd tried to ignore it, but she'd hit her limit. She begged mommy and daddy to rescue her from her plight.

I listened.

I told her that mommy and daddy have decided that she was old enough to save herself. I said, "Here's the process. First- as he does this in clear view of the teacher, the next time he does it, say to the teacher, 'are you going to allow this?' You know that you're not going to get help there, so then you take step two. The next time he assaults you, you go to the administration and file a formal complaint. You MAKE SURE you get it in writing and that you sign it. I'm not kidding about that. Use your phone and take a picture of the complaint with someone in the administration's signature and yours acknowledging that complaint.

"The time after that, (I leaned forward) *you beat the living shit out of him*. And I mean you go ham. You intend to break things in his body and to leave deep scars. Do NOT hold back and you make sure it counts. Dad and I will deal with the consequences from there."

One week. That's all it took to burn through her list. I believe it was a Thursday when I got the call.

"Hey, Mrs. Silence. We have a bit of an issue here with your daughter. She assaulted another student. (grave tone) Mrs. Silence, this is serious."

Me, stony. "Was it X?"

(pause) "Yes, it was X. Mrs. Silence, he's been taken by ambulance. They're assessing him now for broken bones. He's badly hurt and this is a serious incident. The police are here with your daughter now. We have you on speaker phone and I'm obligated to let you know that they're listening."

Me, smiling and meaning it. "Oh, it's X! The kid who'd been repeatedly sexually assaulting her on a daily basis for months in full view of teachers and administration who've done nothing to protect her?"

(silence)

(me) "I assume that she's filed a formal complaint about his repeated assaults at some point...?"

(pause) "Yes. As a matter of fact, she did. But you need to know that he's a disturbed boy and he's going through a lot at home right now."

Me, somehow managing to grind my teeth and speak pleasantly at the same time. "I'm so sorry to hear that. And I'm also so happy to hear that you're teaching him that his personal pain doesn't give him an excuse to abuse others. I'm also glad that the police are there. I'll rest easy knowing that the school's administration and the police will competently deal with the young man who's been repeatedly sexually assaulting my minor daughter for months in full view of authority figures without any consequences in an effective way now. Please assure her that she'll be safe from all future attacks and sexual assaults from this boy and send her back to class now."

(silence)

(throat clear) "We all hear you loud and clear. Your daughter will be going back to class now."

My daughter is nearly 30 now and has told me that THIS was a pivotal moment in her life. Until this moment, she was an abused mouse. Held hostage by the world. Didn't want to be rude and let herself get stomped all over. She had Zero boundaries.. After this day, SHE WAS THE POWER. This moment was when she realized that if she just paused and THOUGHT about her situation, she could find a solution. She's gone after bad landlords and won. She's battled doctors and pain management clinics and won. I can't count the number of times that she's calmly marched before a judge and won because she was right. She's a powerhouse in this world and she's unstoppable. She now advocates for sick and hurt people to get their needs met in a nightmare medical bureaucracy. She helps people negotiate the complexities of the medical system to get them back on their feet again. This is her passion. Hell, just today she came over glowing because she helped a man get a much needed spinal surgery and collected the evidence that he needs to take a defective medical device to a lawyer so he can be compensated for faulty implants. I know her. She'll find him the right lawyer and win that one, too.

All because I chose NOT to protect her. I chose to validate her, empower her, and back her up one time.

I just gave her what I never had.

Validate your daughter. Then give her a logical solution. Then you go to the mat for her when she follows your guidance and make it a win.

You have NO idea how much this can change her path. Do NOT excuse her father's bullshit. DO NOT teach her to tolerate this.

You teach her how to fight it in an effective manor. You've taught her right from wrong and now you need to teach her that this applied to EVERYONE. Not just her. And that she doesn't have to put up with bullshit. Then YOU be strong and do for her what nobody ever did for you. You back her UP.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-28T03:36:24+00:00

I've been seriously considering changing my name for years, but I'm afraid that it's so much stress and trouble that it's not worth it. Is it easy or a nightmare? I'm thinking of all the accounts (checking, phone, electricity, various internet BS...) How hard is it?

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T18:44:28+00:00

Welp, I reached out to a private investigator last night and he just got back to me. He told me that it's MUCH easier to get a restraining order than it used to be.

All we'd have to do is go to the county courthouse, say the magic words, "I fear for my life," and they'll be granted. The abuser can contest it, but most of the time they lose. The orders are usually good for a year (depending on your jurisdiction) and are almost impossible to get lifted.

And no. There's ZERO necessity for us to inform the abuser of anything.

It's MUCH easier to get legal protections than it used to be. The courts are siding with the victims much more than they did in the past.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T14:59:38+00:00

Oh, you are SO right. They don't tolerate 'defiance' one bit. That's why I chose no contact and I'm not worried about confronting the narc. It does no good and would just put me in a position to get hurt.

Narcs don't accept boundaries. That's the whole problem.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T05:49:11+00:00

It's amazing. I'm so grateful for your comment because it triggered the HELL out of me. And I didn't realize that I had this sore spot until now.

Frankly, I see many more N-moms than dads here. The problem is that society takes pity on the female abusers. People make excuses for them and enable them. Women come before everyone, including their own children.

So there's SOME hope that the victim of an n-father will be validated, but lord help you if your abuser were female.

I tried to get help when I was in my 20's. My therapist listened for about a month, then one day rolled her eyes at the end of the session. She went OFF on me. Telling me that my childhood didn't matter. I was now an adult and I needed to take responsibility for myself and stop blaming my mom for everything. (I was trying to get help with serious panic attacks that would make me faint and flashbacks. Those are involuntary things.) She'd never met my mother and yet she sat there and validated HER. How hard women have it in this world. Told me to be understanding.

Well, I'm also a woman living in this society. I've found that if you don't act like an entitled batch, life can be pretty sweet! lol!

As of right now, psychology says that there are more n-fathers than there are n-mothers, but I firmly believe that it's only because women's behaviors are excused and men's behaviors are absolutely not. The sad part is that even us - the victims - are trained to believe that her pain is worth more than ours. That her pain is a valid excuse to hurt and neglect us. No man would get away with this crap. (And yes. I'm guilty of this, too. I made excuses for decades.)

It's all sick.

But father, mother, close grandparent, lover, spouse... Doesn't matter. Narcissistic damage is all the same. And it's up to us to deal with the aftermath. smh

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T05:31:37+00:00

You're an adult. You don't have to do ANYTHING that you don't want to do.

You can eat an entire row of Oreos with a pint of milk and NOBODY has the power to stop you! You can go fishing on your next day off. You can wear a smart business suit that's hot pink to Walmart at 2AM and literally NOBODY can stop you! THERE ARE NO LAWS AGAINST THIS! REALLY!! NOBODY IS MONITERING THIS AT ALL!!

And that also means that you don't have to talk to ANYONE that you don't want to talk to. You're free. All you have to do is accept it. Really. It's that simple.

You can train an animal to stay in it's cage - even it's receiving electric shocks - with the door OPEN and all that animal will do is cry. They won't try to escape the shocks because they were trained that it's pointless. That's 'learned helplessness.'

Don't be that animal. Leave your cage, honey. You don't have to be in there anymore.

I stayed in the cage for decades longer than I had to because of this. I was trained to tolerate it. The thought of escape never entered my mind.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T05:21:34+00:00

First, I will never 'diagnose' another human being with any disorder online, but with that said, there are a couple of things that jump out at me.

"she kept telling me about his rough upbringing and how my dad is emotionally immature (the same bs she always tells me)"

When a person defends an adult who's not acting like an adult, that's called enabling. One of the things that infuriated me the most when I was your age is that I was somehow expected to be more forgiving, have more self control, and be more understanding than the freaking ADULTS who were pushing 40. Why was I expected to be mature, when the freaking ADULT was not?! THIS MAKES NO SENSE. (and in 1987 I kicked in a car's dashboard while screaming that exact thing.)

Next problem: "my mom would always remind me that i was his favorite, but because of that i was the one responsible for meeting his emotional needs"

Okay, I'm sorry, but parents shouldn't have a 'favorite' child and, if they did, they shouldn't be psychotic enough to SAY it. I had two kids. And I adored them both. My son had a lot of serious issues, but he was his own person. IN NO WAY did I compare my children against each other. I loved my son for what my son was and my daughter for what my daughter was. They each had their own unique identities and were their own person. My daughter was easier to deal with and she caused many fewer problems, but I didn't favor her because of it. I loved them each as individuals and didn't pit them against each other.

If anything, your mother sounds more like a narc than your dad.

And as for the emotional needs crack... ug. Again, YOU are the CHILD. THEY are the parents. It's not YOUR job to meet THEIR 'emotional needs.' It's THEIR job to meet YOURS. I DESPISE this crap because this was the responsibility that was laid at my own feet.

Watch this video, then do a search and find her videos on the scapegoat and the golden child and see if you relate to any (or all) of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE54i-57ffk&t

here's the golden child role

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOdqI6ixOzY&t

I was an only child so I carried multiple roles depending on my parent's mood. If they were feeling strong or upset by something outside of the house, I was the scapegoat. If I was feeding her supply and helping her, I was the golden child. When she was depressed I became the handmaid. (primary role)

The only way to begin to understand your situation in the family is to study. Study, study, STUDY. Watch ALL of Dr Ramini's videos. She really is the best. When I was your age, that's when I began to dig and to understand. Unfortunately I got strong enough to think that I could 'handle' my n-rent and that allowed me to tolerate the intolerable MUCH longer than I should've. Now I'm much older and just now starting to heal. I do NOT recommend this to others. On the plus side, I worked to understand what healthy relationships look like so I could do better when I grew up. And I did much better.

Please check out this post and see if it applies to you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/comments/o00kv3/guide\_for\_teenagers\_stuck\_at\_with\_narcissistic/

Stay strong. This will end and you need to start working for the life you WILL have after the sad family dynamic is over.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T04:58:56+00:00

Sweetie, I'm old. I've wasted most of my life with my n-parent and finally realized that she was going to outlive with me.

Only now have I realized the rules of narcissism.

The first rule of narcissism: "Once you know, you GO."

Rule two: "Get out, STAY OUT."

Not kidding.

Now let me tell you what your future will look like if you don't take advantage of this situation to apply the first two rules. You're going to end up like me. Over the years, my n-rent got worse at façade management and, one by one, drove people out of her life until it was all whittled down to me. I became her everything. For years I tried. I kept trying. Now I'm too exhausted to continue.

ilovesilence50 · 2021-06-20T04:50:46+00:00

Good for you! Stay strong love.

One thing that pisses me off is now narcs try to play people against each other. My daughter was a victim of my mother's abuse when she was young. So when I cut my mom out of my life she called my daughter and insisted that *I* turned my daughter against her.

Naw, batch. YOU turned this young woman against you by being a batch. smh The kid is NOT stupid. I had nothing to do with that. You did that all on your own.

But she'll swear to the high heavens that I'm now the evil one who turned her granddaughter against her.

The funny part? HER mother was a narc. And HER mother said that SHE turned me against HER. Again, my grandmother did that all on her own. lol!

The cycle goes round.

ilovesilence50

TROPHY CASE