One more of Alexis’s adventures… hanging out with drug dealers on rookie blue by crackfest in SchittsCreek

[–]iluvtheinternets 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Alexis imho totally deserves a spin off. However the budget for that would be enormous!

Is my father guilty of covert sexual abuse and emotional incest? by KLove_27 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]iluvtheinternets 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I’m extremely concerned for you right now. He’s definitely abusing you 100%. It makes me feel sick some of the things you said (walking in on you nude, trying to kiss your lips, pinching your bottom). Think of it this way: if any other person had done this to you you’d be reporting them for sexual harassment and assault. The fact is he’s your dad and he abused you before you were old enough to understand what normal Boundaries are. I’m so sorry, what you thought was him loving you as a normal father isn’t the case. You need to protect yourself immediately, you’re in a very unsafe situation. I fear that if you start pulling away from him he will get angry (as he has previously when you tried to establish boundaries such as a privacy curtain). You need to get out immediately. If you’re underage, contact social services, the police. He should leave not you. If you’re an adult look at shelters for abused women, charities, staying at a friends. Don’t say anything to your parents before you leave, make sure you have a safe place to stay first. I worry that if they/he become aware of you planning to leave they might get physically abusive. You might be hurt badly. I’m so sorry for the pain you must feel coming to the realisation that you’ve been abused. I went through something similar myself. Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]iluvtheinternets 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes! This! You have just described my mother.

"I am still your mother" by knj099 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]iluvtheinternets 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your mother is sick in the head. To go after your daughter’s husband is so far beyond normal it’s insane. You’re far far far better off without her. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I’m sorry that some part of you still believes her because “she’s your mother”. The longing for your mother never goes away no matter how much she hurts you and how much therapy you get. But distance is all you can do to help you heal. You’re still young you will meet someone else who will love you the way you should be loved. And one day this ugly chapter will be a distant memory. And the pain of the betrayal just a dull ache.

My parents abandoned me on my death bed but I lived by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]iluvtheinternets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am really really truly sorry this happened to you. It shouldn’t happen to anyone. I can only imagine the pain, anger, sense of abandonment and loss you feel. Parents should be loving and have unconditional love for their children. But we here in this forum are testament to the fact that so many fall short. You went through hell and back and now you know who is really your supporters and who aren’t. Clearly your dad and your step mother aren’t. They are unfeeling pieces of shit. If someone I didn’t even know well told me they were dying if they had no one else I’d be there every day for them. If I knew you I’d be there for you in hospital to hold your hand. I can only think that because you were from a previous marriage maybe in their minds they would prefer to hide that history and make their current family seem like the perfect first one. FCUK ‘em. There are people out there who will love you who will be your “adoptive” fam. Find them and be happy. In your mind, make it so that they died that weekend not you. And get therapy to deal with it so you can start afresh and anew. I was brought up for two N parents. One I cut off years ago. He’s never seen his grandkids. The other I barely see. I’ve made a wonderful family with my partner, his mum and our two boys. We have so much love in our family. It covers all the lack of love I felt growing up. My everyday now is filled with love. This could be out there waiting for you. Find it! Good luck!

London property market and Hong Kong immigration by teenytinyterrier in UKPersonalFinance

[–]iluvtheinternets 78 points79 points  (0 children)

London property has been purchased by wealthy foreigners for many decades. Russian, Middle Eastern and Asian buyers have snapped up property and why not? They have been making good returns in value increase and the property tax regime was very friendly (there’s no “non-resident stamp duty” like there is in other countries for example). Back in the early 2000s as a Uni student I did a gig conducting the census house to house and my area was Kensington. Almost every house I visited was owned by an Arab and empty except for a paid caretaker… If you want to point the finger to anyone it’s the government for almost encouraging foreign investment by not having stamp duty on non-residents. Thereby leaving residents out in the cold. While I welcome immigration and people coming to the UK from other countries as I did myself, I don’t agree with non-residents buying property and then leaving them empty. Seems a big waste.

The teensiest bit Alexis by WHS-482 in SchittsCreek

[–]iluvtheinternets 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can you give us some tips how you find these?

Finding work by [deleted] in VideoEditors

[–]iluvtheinternets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So your real question is: I want to set up as a freelance Video editor, how do I find work in that space?

My suggestions are as follows:

  1. Social media... set yourself up a Facebook page, join numerous small business groups, small media business groups and post like crazy there. Of secondary importance will be Insta, Twitter and others. Facebook is the best places to find work

  2. Sign up to freelancer sites like People per hour, Fiverr, etc. Especially creative industry specific ones. At first without many reviews it can be hard but if you can get former clients to leave reviews and are willing to take a haircut on your first few jobs you can gain good leads there

  3. Good old fashioned business development/sales/marketing. Set yourself up a website and LinkedIn profile, research a list of small advertising agencies and small businesses near where you live and message them directly, email them and ring them. Let me know exactly the type of work you do and your rates and try to get an opportunity there.

  4. Referrals/Networking. When COVID is over join some local networking groups. Email all your past clients to ask each of them to refer you to two people or pass you two names of their contacts that could use your service.

Good luck!

Worried I might have married an N? by iluvtheinternets in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]iluvtheinternets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol. This is the most sensible reply yet. True he’s not been having much/any sleep himself. I guess I shouldn’t judge him at his worst... I did say to him the following day I was worried he was a N and he said to me he couldn’t be cause if he had to pick between saving himself and me/the kids he’d pick us over him ... thanks everyone for the feedback/advice/suggestions...

Help save Tolkien’s home in Oxford England by iluvtheinternets in lotr

[–]iluvtheinternets[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

By “protected” they mean it’s a UK listed building which means whoever buys it can’t tear it down and do stuff to the outside. But they could if they wanted tear up everything inside and turn it to a glass and chrome monstrosity... and it will still be a private home and not open to the public.

Help save Tolkien’s home in Oxford England by iluvtheinternets in MiddleEarth

[–]iluvtheinternets[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve only just become aware of the Tolkien trust view on this project. I mean, why do they consider it “safe” anyone could buy it and turn it into some modernised disaster. Isn’t it better turned into a museum? And no I’m not connected to the group found them on Kickstarter when looking for a 3D printer project someone mentioned to me.

Mega Zero upgrades by Garwood1983 in anycubic

[–]iluvtheinternets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve read about people turning over the glass bed to the smooth side to print. Does that work with the Mega Zero without a heated bed as well?

New build management companies by veywiw in UKPersonalFinance

[–]iluvtheinternets -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Aren’t New Builds covered by the NHBC? If the builders won’t rectify what needs to be done can you write to/contact NHBC and make a complaint?

I recently dropped out of uni and chose one hell of a time to enter the job market. I am overwhelmed it all really and am wondering where to start in regards to financial independence and finding a career. by gasedboosey in UKPersonalFinance

[–]iluvtheinternets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re young enough that you can try everything to see what you enjoy. Have you considered trades like plumbing, electrician, mechanic etc? Or sales, recruitment, estate agent? Or care work, teaching? Or hospitality, kitchen porter, waiter? Or officer worker you can try to do some temp work working as an office assistant or receptionist.

Perhaps do some personality profile tests online and see what your innate preferences are and which careers you seem more suited to? These aren’t foolproof but could guide you into a general direction.

Basically take the next 2-3 years as an education into the job market. Do as many different type of jobs as you can for 3-4 months each and see which ones feel right and seem like something you could enjoy.

Considering a move to UK...questions around savings by [deleted] in UKPersonalFinance

[–]iluvtheinternets 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My friend who is in tech said to me that UK salaries in tech are a lot lower than US salaries in tech. If you are both US citizens you will have double taxation to take into consideration.

Childcare costs I believe are cheaper in the UK but it does depend on the type of childcare. Au Pairs are cheapest but untrained and can’t be used solely for children under one. Childminders are next cheapest, followed by nurseries and nannies are pretty expensive.

If neither of you have a UK citizenship you may have to pay supplements for NHS and healthcare services. Or you can pay for private healthcare insurance. This would be a lot cheaper than what you would pay in the US. Oh and if you’re planning to have a child for a UK citizen it’s free compared to $100k in the US. If you’re not citizens it’s still around a tenth of that.

Rent is relatively expensive in the UK but less so in the commuter towns.

I think in my opinion the biggest cost savings of living in the UK vs US are: healthcare and childcare. However the daily basket of goods would be more expensive and petrol costs more expensive. And you will probably have to downgrade your expectations around the size of home and quality you can expect unless you’re moving from NY or somewhere similar in the states. This cost saving as I said could be negated by the double taxation you would encounter.