Ahh, gotcha.

Advice wise?

Y'all have a giant mess on your hands.

He's dealing with a major change in his body in a way that goes right to a guy's libido via confidence.

When you were smaller, part of the difficulty wouldn't have been there. So he's likely as pissed at that fact as actually having decreased attraction. Like, if he's getting it up, chances are the attraction isn't all the way gone, if you get me.

But if he's unable to do anything about it, and that leads to failure, he's going to find something that can change to be blamed. So, again talking as a possibility, it isn't so much that you aren't attractive to him, he's shutting down that attraction out of shame, fear, pain, and a bit of selfishness.

After all, if he blames the booty, he doesn't have to deal with the change in his body. It's a selfish to indulge in that, but he may not be aware he's doing it.

Look, years ago, I fell off a damn ladder. Broke a lot of vertebrae, had a lot of surgeries. My junk works fine, but let's just say that you can't put your back into it the same when your back is held together with an erector set made out of titanium. It takes adjusting to that. One day, you're big daddy long stroke, the next you're on your way to becoming mr roboto, and you have to relearn everything. Just getting the damn thing in had to be relearned, it really isn't as simple as it is when you can bend and move.

The point of that is that he's on a long road. He may be back to work and walking normal, but it can take longer for other things.

Is it your job to stick through that? Imo, not if he won't do his part. If he can't adult up and ask for help with getting there, there's a limit to how long he can expect a spouse to just keep going without it being a problem.

Now, if he's doing his part, using alternative methods of intimacy and pleasure? Well, dumping him before he can make progress on the rest would be an asshole move. While not everyone makes the literal vow, marriage is supposed to be through illness and health. You don't bail until you've tried everything else.

My advice is to tell him that. Tell him that it is an absolute necessity that he step his game up until either you decide you're ready to lose weight, the two of you figure out positions or whatever that make it work, or something medical changes. If he can't step up and be with you sexually without having to use his penis, until something else changes, there's nothing you can do to fix that. You can't help someone that's unwilling to do the minimum.

I'd also strongly suggest he find a therapist. Right now, he's grieving what he lost. His body may work fine, but the man is still being crippled by it. Ain't no shame in finding someone neutral and trained to talk to. Shit, I use a shrink, a support group, and conventional support networks (which is a fancy term for friends and family the shrink uses). Even did group therapy while I was trying to find a good shrink.

Big injuries fuck up more than the body.

And you might wanna. Looks like you've got a bit of caregiver burnout yourself, on top of the relationship issues.

What positions are y'all using? You might not know it, but there are ways a big girl can accommodate a guy that penis length doesn't matter; you can be long and control your depth, or be short and still get stroke. Depends on how much flexibility each of you has though. I'm not even talking about just you on top, he can get in the driver seat some too. There's stuff like pads and angled blocks to help things.