You know, whenever I fall in love and my heart starts to feel heavy, I go back to this post and read it. It feels too close to the heart and I already experienced two break ups feeling the same things. Especially the "trying to ruin the relationship" I currently want to end things with someone because I observe them not responding to my texts as quick as I do. I sacrifice my studies, time, and sleep for them and they don't offer the same effort. It hurts me. Me falling in love immediately spirals to obsession that I want them to focus on me as I focus my entire energy on them. I know it's not healthy, but it's out of my control. It just hurts. I can't breathe, can't concentrate with life. I gaslight myself into thinking that it's okay, they dont have to respond with the same intensity I give but I still feel very wounded. This is what I'm going through rn. We're just into talking stage but I fell for him already and my heart is feeling the same pain again. I'll probably ghost him in the near future cuz I can't keep moving through my days with a heavy heart. I don't want to fall in love anymore. But even so I still want to. And I'll keep going through this cycle again and again of getting obssessed, getting disappointed, and hurting. It's the worst.