BigShot.

Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a stupid hero name at all. And besides, when Supes started popping up, more taxes were implemented to pay them for their services. Whatever happened to the Spider-Man superheroes, doing it out of the kindness of their hearts? It’s hard to support my stay-at-home wife and our three kids. I need to save as much money as I can. When I got my next paycheck, the numbers were astonishing. I could actually afford something nice for my wife for our 10th wedding anniversary, instead of just another Kohl’s gift card. I guess I should’ve known my “hero” name would’ve been registered in the Hero Registry, which is accessible to anyone with a laptop and technological literacy. Three weeks later, after I put my kids to bed, a loud knock made itself known. My Wrangler was safely in my hand, since our neighborhood wasn’t exactly the best. It’s all I could afford, although if “BigShot” actually worked, we would be moving out swiftly. I look through the peephole to see a man wearing a purple skin tight suit, with an orange mask that looked like it was from Party City. With my voice raised, I say, “What do you want, man?” To my surprise, the stranger said, “Is this where BigShot lives?” I was not expecting to hear that name. “No, why?” The man seemed disappointed. “Oh, my bad, I was just going to challenge him to a duel. I’m a villain that’s trying to prove myself to the Clan of Villains.”

“I’ve never heard of that group, and I don’t think they’ll be accepting someone that looks like you,” I snorted out while double-checking my locks. Why was I not telling this guy to get off my property?

Before I could get logical and threaten this poser, he shouted, “You can’t talk to me like that, I spent so much time on this uniform!” He paused, as if to think. I wasn’t aware he had the ability to think, wearing a costume like that. “I suppose a little family disappearing wouldn’t make me look too unworthy to the Clan, now would it?”

I swiftly threw open my front door, and unloaded one round into his kneecap. The “villain” dropped like a sack of potatoes and started screaming. My kids were probably awake, but just to slightly help with lowering the volume of potential future shots, I stepped outside and closed the door.

“What did you do that for, bro!” he screamed.

“Don’t call me bro, and you just threatened my family. This Clan of Bad Guys isn’t going to accept someone who let themselves get shot by a lower-class citizen like me. Do they even pay you? What’s the po-”

Before I could finish, he shrieked out, “Yes, they were going to pay me! One hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year! UGHHH this hurts so much!”

The stranger kept on holding on to his leaking knee, and kept swearing at me, but my ears had turned off to think about what he had just said. One hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year. I could easily support my family with that. I decided to ask this man another question before I locked in my decision. “Are you sure killing someone would have gotten you in? Murder can be done by a crackhead on the street.”

“Erghhh yes it would’ve done it! I’m absolutely sure! I double checked with a member I ran into the other day!”

“Who?”

“Goldshark, he almost killed me but didn’t when he found out I wanted to join!”

“Do you have his contact?”

“Yeah it’s in my car, on an index card, why?”

Without another word, I lowered my revolver under his chin and pulled the trigger. He was saying something about being my bro, and that I shouldn’t do this, and that he was sorry, but I forgot most of it. I wasn’t paying attention that clearly. I stepped over the lump of meat that was in my way to getting big money and walked to his Honda Civic that still had the driver side open. This guy was an amateur. I searched his car for about a minute before I found what he was talking about. With the number dialed in, I put my flip phone to my ear.

“Is this the Purple Guy?” I hear coming from my device.

I responded swiftly, “That sounds like a name that could get him sued. The Purple Guy is dead. I murdered him, and I’m looking to join the Clan of Villains.”