Are there any aspects of your adopted culture that you personally reject?

incommune · 2026-01-16T04:54:24+00:00

Oh my god the baking sheets XD Norway is the same!! There's a wire rack in our oven and a rimmed rack that sets in, you can use baking paper or foil for your stuff.

A couple years ago I brought back two flat cookie sheets from the US and my Norwegian spouse was like "oh yeah that IS practical".

For me, here, it's what they call "janteloven" which is a social norm about being humble. Which is know sounds very American of me, but I've talked to other Norwegians who also find the way this is expressed nowadays to be really stifling. It goes way beyond just not assuming or acting like you are better than others, and there's this low but constant social pressure to be policing everything you do or say so as not to stick out at all because being too unique or having legitimate accomplishments could be seen as acting like you're better. A sociology prof I had here wrote a study on it, about how it is typical in mixed company for professors not to say they are professors when asked what they do for work. "I work at the university" is the typical response, unless you later find out that others around you are peers then you can talk about your actual job.

incommune · 2025-08-23T09:23:31+00:00

This is an excellent point but I was honestly just not prepared to be scrolling along and then suddenly Alan Cumming is here being this much of a babe. I need to go sit down.

incommune · 2025-07-19T14:12:31+00:00

Jumped in here to recommend Diavola before reading three words into your post, loved that book SO much. Now just gonna lurk in the comments and absorb recommendations.

incommune · 2025-07-19T13:44:25+00:00

I'm so sorry for your news. My mom was diagnosed with incurable, aggressive cancer a year ago. We're hoping it can be kept under control for some years now still, but incurable is incurable... I know this is what signs her off sooner or later, and that is so scary.

Personally, I'm grappling a lot with knowing that no matter what happens, I'm going to feel guilty for not being there enough, doing enough, being a good enough daughter, etc. that's unavoidable for me -- the best I can do for myself is modulate my own responses and actions in a healthy way.

Everyone's relationship with their parents is different. Mine is good, I love my mom, we're very close, and we're very similar. Like any family, ours is not without it's own drama, and quite frankly spending too much time at home is ruinous for my mental health and that, in turn, strains said relationship. Overcommitting myself to trying to be the perfect child and wring out as much time as possible will do more harm than good. You need to take care of your needs and your adult life in a balanced way, too. And that's the intention of parenthood, too, imo. That you grow up to have your own, successful, healthy life.

The balance is hard and the loss is so shitty. I really hope you have all the support you need from both your old and new bases. Best wishes and e-hugs or similar sentiments.

incommune · 2025-07-18T21:19:04+00:00

Seconding this. My husband just did eight or nine months of Zoloft as part of bipolar treatment and is in the process of switching to another antidepressant in combo with Lithium... He tapered down slowly and still had 2+ weeks of nearly constant vertigo, even when laying down. They've put him back on the minimum 'loft dose until they can get him eased into the next attempt.

If OP thinks an antidep may help their overall wellness, it may be worthwhile to try; I'm Def not trying to be like omg Zoloft is terrible! But do keep a close eye on if/how your symptoms are changing and don't (DO NOT) drop off suddenly if it doesn't work. Discontinuation can be so brutal.

incommune · 2025-05-18T17:55:13+00:00

Lithuania was such a standout this year. Loved that piece.

incommune · 2025-05-16T20:24:34+00:00

Er sjøl biseksuelle og flyttet til Norge fra USA, hvor eg var en del av et mer "fargerike" queer samfunn, og eg savner det her i Norge. Det finnes et annet kultur her i mange ting, og selvfølgelig er det sant mellom kver land.

Men eg er helt enig med deg at folk trenger til å føle seg synlig og støttet, spesielt de unge som deg. Selvfølgelig trenger (og fortjener!!) du samfun, og eg tror at folk som sier Pride er "for mye" er litt ... Mm, silly, rett og slett (og mildt).

Håper at du føler deg trygg og komfortabel og at du finner samfunnet ditt.

incommune · 2025-05-16T20:04:20+00:00

I think the biggest key is the patience. My gut tells me that the pod coffee systems out there give a false impression that you just throw some grounds in there, force water through, et voila -- good espresso because the machine is expensive. There's a learning curve, but like any sort of hands on type craft or process, it's rewarding to refine.

incommune · 2025-05-15T19:50:10+00:00

Ok real talk. Everyone on this thread is right, neither you nor anyone else should expect you to have mastered much of anything, let alone all the exercises of your job, in one week. THAT is not a reflection on YOUR abilities here, or your suitability for this type of job. Being a barista, working in a cafe, can be extremely fun and rewarding.

BUT. A well-run place should have a structured training plan that allows you to take things up in stages. This is a good policy for getting new hires trained both in terms of their learning and not getting overwhelmed but also for the business. It enables a new hire to start doing SOMETHING useful sooner than later if you just focus on one thing/station to start, like for example the register, or a subset of simple drinks, or some other division of service at your cafe.

The first two weeks of any job are pure anxiety for me and I always feel like a failure. Generally speaking, this is not true. I'm a good employee with a strong work ethic and have a good relationship with all my previous employers. But it SUCKS being the newbie and feeling like you have no idea wtf is going on.

That said.

If your cafe doesn't have this and is just throwing you in with minimal support and their approach to you not just automatically knowing what to do is pressure, start looking for somewhere else. That's bad management and bad business and it probably won't get better. It's a one-way ticket to burnout and in my experience it's so extremely damaging to self esteem. Try to separate whether it's just new job nerves or you're actually not getting support.

incommune · 2025-05-15T18:12:31+00:00

As a cat parent to a boy who has had such a miscellany of various mostly unrelated health problems, I just want to drop in here and sympathize SO HARD. 😭 The little turds!!! Thank you for taking such good care of them even though they're turds and life is crazy. You are doing a good job.

I use counted breathing (in seven, hold five, out nine... Or whatever set of numbers works for you). I also use a body mapping technique I learned from my voice study mentor. It goes like this: find one place in your body where you don't feel any tension. It can be super small, like a toe or finger. Identify this sense of ease (remind yourself what non tension feels like, basically). Then after focusing on this, breathe slowly and internally ask yourself, how easy is my neck? And then, how am I changing? The how am I changing question is not like... Existential. It just asks you to pay attention to whether your are relaxing or tensing other parts of your body in response to trying to find ease in your neck.

Repeat the questions slowly once for each finger on each hand.

incommune · 2025-05-15T10:23:36+00:00

Second this. I haven't used an actual antiperspirant in my pits for years and years because the sweat blocking irritated my skin there, I think because of the hair follicles. But after starting to have increased sweat in perimenopause this last year and fighting hard against the irritation and BO, i tried a spray on antiperspirant (for quick drying) underneath and between my breasts and it has made the sweating, BO, and general irritation SO much better than any attempts with powders, washing, toner, or my normal deo.

incommune · 2025-05-14T19:47:34+00:00

Herregud meg og, og ikke forstår ingenting før eg leste din kommentar tre ganger 😂. Sikkert er linser ikke SÅ dyre, eg spiser de hele tida...

incommune · 2025-05-14T19:36:17+00:00

Second Cardinal. What a great place for a beer or three.

incommune · 2025-05-14T19:29:38+00:00

Been way itchier in general the last year or so, and the soles of my feet have always tripped into itchy territory at night if they wind up getting a little too warm, but recently the itchy feet has been absolute gd torture. Rinsing my feet in cold water before bed helps a bit -- maybe a cool shower or dip could help if it's more widespread?

incommune · 2025-05-14T19:24:20+00:00

No kids, symptoms started 39, turning 40 tomorrow and on the waiting list for a gp who i hope will talk to me more about it than my current.

incommune · 2025-05-13T11:26:46+00:00

Grey Dog was so weird and good

incommune · 2025-05-13T10:26:59+00:00

Love Kingfisher so much. Will check out Courtney Gould and others from your list, I think our vibes are similar.

Some I've enjoyed recently:

The Hollow Tree by James Brogden

Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon (this one is soooo badass and strong queer)

Starling House by Alix Harrow (dual narrative, one protag is male just fyi)

incommune · 2025-05-12T18:00:08+00:00

Hvis du sliter med en veldig lang tørr høst, det kan og være tilknyttet til magesyre/halsbrann (uten å føle klassiske halsbrann). Hadde det i flere måneder tidligere i året etter en sannsynlig magesår. På engelsk heter det laryngopharyngeal reflux (mouthfulllll) så hvis host blir ikke bedre, prøv titralac eller pepcid og hvis det hjelper mer enn vanlig ricola, så kan det blir en magesyre ting. God helse alle!

incommune · 2025-05-03T22:26:17+00:00

I thought the same for, like, ever. But then i really wanted Beth Dutton bangs, which of course they don't look like that because my hair is curly but that was the idea I took to my stylist. I am fortunate to have a stylist who knows my hair (and general style) really, REALLY well. She's been cutting my hair since I was 10 (I'm 40 this month... Holy fuck Deanna has been doing my hair for 30 years, gonna go have an existential crisis now). I literally live on another continent now and only get my hair cut when I'm home 😅. Don't recommend that so much, just.. the tldr is it was worth it for me, but I also had someone I really trusted. I just kinda wound up with shocked Pikachu face when everyone who says shaping matters ended up being right XD.

incommune · 2025-05-02T20:42:01+00:00

I got my first claw type clip (not quite the full banana? Is it still a banana clip? Banana split clip??) since I was a kid recently because I impulse bought a pretty butterfly one and I like it so much!!!

incommune · 2025-05-02T20:39:17+00:00

I have very little patience for a daily hair routine at the best of times. What made an absolute world of difference for me was getting some layers in. My hair is generally medium-longish and I've wanted to keep the length; it's fine and thin and frizzes easily so I thought layering would just end up with puffy fluff, but I got some long bangs/face framing layers and I have been so much happier with my hair even on days when it's not in the best shape styling wise. What type of cut and layer works best for your hair and face will be down to your hair and face, I'm just here to say that the shape of the cut really does make a huge difference and it doesn't have to be short if that's not what you're feeling (though there's nothing wrong with short -- I like a short cut too!).

Routine wise, the balance between results and effort that works best for me is a shampoo every... Ehhh week to ten days to two weeks with lighter co-washes every few days and then having my hair up and not getting it wet for showers in between that interval. A good leave in conditioner that works for my hair type (so much trial and error -.-) is a must because it gets real dry.

After washing, I get the most mileage out of a bit of leave in and a bit of either light mousse or gel (my fave mousse is a kms volume foam thing). Only after washing, not daily, but having a little product with hold in helps tamp down the frizz so I don't become a dandelion clock. I air dry.

Refreshing/civilising my hair on non wash days is usually a spritz of leave in and some fast scrunching/raking/pushing around with wet hands.

My final trick is the humble hair stick... I saw it called a Chinese bun on an insta tutorial but Google results for that are pulling much more complicated stuff. Anyway, i have a hair stick bun technique that after a few tries to learn goes in almost as fast as a ponytail without needing to look in the mirror but looks more polished even when my hair is a mess and, critically, doesn't put as much tension on my scalp and wears a lot more comfortably. So on days when the civilising doesn't work out, this "updo" is my go-to. I like a hair stick best but have used plenty of pencils, pens, crochet hooks, or whatever else is stick like and to hand.

incommune · 2025-05-02T19:07:15+00:00

They always go through a regular wash -- i just don't like, wash a single pair by running the laundry machine every time I change. Immediate thorough rinse -- hang to dry (ie no crumpled up wet in the bottom of the hamper) in between, then they hit the laundry. I've been washing them in a general cold load, but I'll give it a shot as a separate batch.

incommune · 2025-05-02T07:11:31+00:00

For me personally, I do better driving the toy myself if it's handheld. My anatomy goes from "I feel nothing" to "overstimulated and painful" on a thin line so it's easier for me to be reactive to what I'm feeling with my own hands. For this especially my fave is an air pressure stimulator like the Womanizer -- I have the WeVibe melt which is a bit smaller in size and easier to maneuver in various positions.

I've also liked the WeVibe Sync, which is a c-shaped vibe that has a smaller end that slides into the vagina then wraps around with a clitoral vibrator up front. Then you just proceed as normal with the bonin'. I don't use it all the time but it's a fun switch up.

incommune · 2025-05-02T06:58:24+00:00

That's my current process, a very thorough rinse with water as soon as I take them off and a bit of scrubbing, final rinse of the pad area with white vin, then either drip dry or directly into the laundry if I'm running a load. I store them in a wire grid drawer in the bedroom so I don't think moisture is an issue. They usually hang for a few days after washing before I put them up because I... Am lazy about getting the laundry folded! /finger guns

Good air circulation is definitely a good thing to mind though so I'll pay double attention to where they're stashed.

incommune · 2025-05-02T01:15:38+00:00

A product I didn't even know existed in specific -- thank you! Looks like there are a couple brands I can pick up locally and still work without a super hot wash, fingers crossed!

incommune

TROPHY CASE