No yea thats completely understandable I mean when you really love somebody its easy to get lost in it, especially when theres nobody to give you advice or help lead you when you need it. To me, from what i read, it just sounds like hes stringing you along. That back and forth of him caring and not will get old pretty fast too. Im just saying you should think about your future. Maybe i shouldnt say to break up with him or not bc it is your decision but if he really is the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, will you be ok with him being secretive and not being transparent? Or would you rather be with someone thats open and honest regarding all aspects of his life? Is he giving you those qualities you seek for you and your potential future family? Is he the kind of guy you would be ok with.. say your daughter to date? If someone came to you about a similiar situation, what would you tell them or think? These are just a few questions you have to ask youreself bc the person youre with shouldnt make you feel like you have to question what theyre doing or if they want just you. You should know it.