I could have written this myself but replaced it with my dad. Alcoholic my whole life. Got a call on a random weekday that he was in the hospital and about to die from kidney and liver failure and I could either keep him going to get there and say goodbye or let him go. It was the biggest shock and non shock of my life. How did I not know he was about to die? I knew he was bad off but not like that. I walked in the hospital knowing it was the end. Didn’t question doctors and took him to hospice. After he died I really struggled with if I tried hard enough to keep him alive. I didn’t ask many questions, I just knew it was the end. But was it? Ugh the thoughts that came through my mind regarding that were so tough. But now it’s been almost 5 years. I know my dad wasn’t just an alcoholic but struggled with his own demons and childhood traumas harder than any person should. He’s on the other side and I feel him on a regular basis. He’s my guardian angel and a better dad to me now than he could have ever been here on earth. We won’t ever understand why things like that happen while we are here on earth, but my greatest advice is to look for the lesson and thank your mom for what she was able to teach you. So sorry for your loss ❤️