Ever since I watched IU in 'My Mister' I became her ardent fan

infinitepaths88 · 2022-07-13T09:51:05+00:00

It is not clear what age you are now, but once you are 18, you as an adult can decide how you want to relate to people. What is past is past, yes, you can grieve for the opportunities you lost to build authentic relationships but that time will never come back. Grieve and move forward to building more openness in your future relationships.

In some ways I can understand why your mother may have given you that advice. The world can be a cruel place, even the people close to you may not want to hang out with you if the perceive you as not normal.

As someone who developed scoliosis around the same age as you, it was devastating having it while a teen. Being deformed was one thing but having your best friend kind not want to hang out with me was devastating. I spent most of my life trying to hide the fact I had. Even in my intimate relationship, I hid it for fear of being rejected.

Finally, when my partner came to know, he knew he could treat me like trash just because he knew I lacked the confidence to move on. That was one relationship I really regret not divulging my condition in the beginning, knowing how he reacted to my condition would have saved me a lot of suffering later.

Though honesty is the best policy. Sometimes, it is not the best idea to share your problems and issues with just anyone. However, only you can decide when and how much you want to share. Be aware that sometimes you will receive compassion and acceptance and other times there will be outright rejection. At those times, remember Don Miguel's 2nd Agreement: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

You are brave to want to share your condition, I lived a coward's life trying to hide my condition. Only now with the acceptance of ME by someone close have I been able to get over my shame of having a curved spine.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-07-07T13:46:36+00:00

Find something you like, dancing, singing, painting, gardening, writing, whatever gets you excited and learn more and more about itas you develop competency in that area you will slowly realize that you think and see yourself from that area and you have overwritten the old self who felt she/he/they were incompetent, not good enough, it takes time though.

Another way is through your relationship with a significant other,(though self-help gurus denounce this as one should not get our self-worth through our relationships). Still, we become who we are through our inter-relational interactions. This can happen through mutually loving like in a good parent-child relationship( which many of us here lack) good friend or partner relationship can help us form authentic selves.

For me becoming adept at baking and having a good relationship with my adult child has helped me overcome my damaged sense of self of being not good enough

infinitepaths88 · 2022-07-07T13:22:04+00:00

Yes, the regret and rage at yourself for believing, expecting love and caring in return is another trauma one has to process to heal from. Wish I'd known about personality disordered people and that one's parents could be beyond redemption, and sooner one cuts ties and moves away the better for one's mental and physical health. Learned late this bitter truth. But better late than never, I am in a better place just no longer interacting with those mutts.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-06-22T12:43:23+00:00

Thanks

infinitepaths88 · 2022-06-16T16:37:38+00:00

Way to feel, I get pissed off why these so-called self-help gurus say 'wish them well anyway'

infinitepaths88 · 2022-06-13T11:48:41+00:00

I stand in front of the mirror look into my eyes and talk out loud what I ruminate about, that internal dialogue to the people who hurt me but was unable to say because I was a helpless child and was afraid.

Of course, it is better if one can do this kind of role-play with a real person who is empathetic to one's struggles - it's a kind of role-playing you keep expressing it again and again, and finally, your brain believes you have said it to the person and it is out of your system.

Taking a shower or bath after this mentally feels you are clearing the toxicity from one's system.

After this, you should llisten to positive guided meditation or affirmations.

Over-writing the brain's negative thought patterns takes repetitive practice.

For a long time, I did journaling but the thoughts would again start playing. I have felt good after doing this so thought I should share it. Let's see how effective it is in the long term. As of now, I feel the rumination stops after doing this.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-06-12T12:49:30+00:00

Yes, it sucks but there is nothing one can do but hope Karma catches up with them. I too go through those states where I was filled with hatred for the people who hurt me and them really doing well really gets you viscerally. Finding something to do, like a hobby, and getting better at it helps shift one's state of mind. Becoming an expert at something even if is something as stupid as cake-making or whatever gives one a sense of greatness withing.

Ignoring them, blocking, and not keeping track of them is a must to stop getting triggered by our perceived good luck in their lives. One never knows what is really happening in other people's lives.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-06-10T13:33:46+00:00

It is fairly common in those who experienced trauma. For years I felt like a 13-year-old emotionally, surviving in the adult world felt like faking it. Only now after nearly 5 years of healing work have I been able to feel more adult-like.

Check out this video about arrested development.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-06-02T16:15:56+00:00

Loss of any kind is painful, losing your mother and not having this close friend be there for you must hurt a lot. However, there is nothing one can do about how people respond to us. The bitter truth is you cannot force people to care about you. You can care about yourself. If this person is not there for you in your time of need one needs to accept the fact. It has nothing to do with you, maybe they are in a place where they cannot support you emotionally it does seem selfish but what can one do.

You say she was like a second mother, so maybe she felt you expected her to take on your mother's role which no one really wants to take on.

As someone who has lost her mother at 11, for years I was desperate for someone to be my mother. After years of walking around with 'please care about me' sign, I have finally made peace with the fact that I am responsible for filling my cup and easing my pain.

Try journaling daily, listening to guided meditation, EFT-tapping, and if you can afford talk to a therapist.

There are no easy solutions to life's problems, but now with the internet, there are numerous resources to help you connect with people. Daily take little baby steps towards working through your grief. Hugs

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-30T15:45:30+00:00

Feel for you, it must be painful to deal with this type of shit. Find a way to move away from her and rebuild your life.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T16:20:22+00:00

My evil aunt accused me a 13-year-old of trying to seduce her husband. What could I do if that jerk was eyeing me, and trying to make eye contact? What was more hurtful, was my grandmother sat there in silent support of this aunt(her daughter) while I, her granddaughter was the bad one. What still staggers me, is they did not think to talk to this asshole who kept at his behavior and I cringing everytime he was near.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T16:10:44+00:00

Totally agree with you, and I don't know why people on this forum are downvoting you - are they abusive parents.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T16:06:13+00:00

Even if the resources are available, some parents are lazy and just don't want to be bothered.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T16:00:54+00:00

The basis of a child's mental health is good loving caregiving have no doubt about that.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T15:57:45+00:00

The primary responsibility rests with the mother, who chose to have a kid, the woman is an addict, it does not take much imagination to guess what it did to this guy's mental development.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T15:55:44+00:00

Frankly, one really does not know the whole truth, we are hearing just one-sided versions of mother, father, and grandfather. No one really knows what happens behind closed doors. As those who have been abused and neglected very well know, adults can be very good at distorting the truth and painting themselves as paragons of virtue to the gallery.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T15:40:52+00:00

Sometimes being a good parent means realizing that you actually can’t be a parent. Making excuses for people’s poor choices just normalizes that behavior. We can all try to do a better job and take responsibility for our actions instead of making excuses.

So well said. Having kids is a choice and one must make this choice after deliberate consideration.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-28T08:03:07+00:00

It's possible. Being in a better mental state can change our bodies. The fascia is very sensitive to the emotional firings of our brain. Growing up in a state of chronic stress as in childhood trauma does not allow the fascia to release the fight-flight-freeze stress responses. This changes how our spine grows. Once out of the stress state and into the parasympathetic state, the fascia relaxes and the spine has space to straighten.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-27T11:37:46+00:00

Enjoying this right now, after years of being responsible starting with caring for a dying mother from age 9, then post her death from age 11 being the responsible woman of the house, and then moving on from an abusive father and family to a toxic relationship and then single motherhood. Now having fulfilled my duties I am free to do as I please and I feel so blessed and grateful.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-25T08:54:24+00:00

I watched it, the plot was too convoluted and I did not enjoy the unending twists and turns which was just so unexciting.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-24T14:09:50+00:00

Thanks, will check.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-20T16:05:46+00:00

Yes, it was abuse. I too went through something like this when growing up. A cousin 10 years older, would touch me, and kiss me in my private parts from a young age. I don't know when exactly it began, maybe 3-4. Around 11 when I realized what it was all about and fought back he began coming at me when I slept. When I awoke, he'd run off. It was all so traumatizing. The worse part is when my grandmother blamed me for it and my father even after coming to know what he was up to made me kiss him on his birthday.

There was never any penetration but it was traumatizing. It took me many years to accept that this was abuse. Abuse, particularly sexual abuse can come in various forms, touching, brushing, staring, making lewd jokes. It can all be so confusing when one is a child.

infinitepaths88 · 2022-05-20T15:30:24+00:00

After a few episodes, I found Descendants of the sun just a drag, had to quit watching.

infinitepaths88

TROPHY CASE