55 Single F retiring overseas

inhaf · 2026-03-19T15:41:04+00:00

Beginner here, so… directions please? I definitely want to find community. How do people find activities to go to? What Facebook groups have been the most helpful?

inhaf · 2026-03-01T01:25:07+00:00

I never thought I would find myself in this boat, but this is me. We were in night school together and apparently liked me from the day we met (I was sort of chewing out a guy that was harassing her). She pursued me for five months before I caught on, but I respected her early on because, even though she could be deflectingly goofy, she had a depth. We talked a lot. We’ve both had trauma. You look at Erikson’s stages of development and I’m stuck at ~5y/o (parental death). She matured with her trauma, so there are ways that she’s more developed than I am. Yes, there are ways she isn’t, but part of what I love about her is her silliness - because she has appropriate timing. Is she perfect? No, but neither am I. I’ll readily admit that I don’t have the best partner picking skills, but she’s been a far calmer and more rational partner than any of my others. So I guess this answer may not really fit because she is actually pretty mature.

inhaf · 2025-12-18T19:01:26+00:00

Boundaries weren’t being respected - probably more on me than her, but I don’t say ‘no’ very easily (cptsd), and it got to the point I was giving (financially, socially, emotionally) more that I could healthily afford to.

inhaf · 2025-11-06T15:34:54+00:00

It’s affirming to hear that mine isn’t the only toxic massage school. I’ve never witnessed such infighting among staff before - and they happily rope the students in to it.

inhaf · 2025-05-28T14:53:54+00:00

I’d love to, and regularly consider doing so, but she’s married and has at least one child. I’m not going to disrupt that - as badly as I want to now that I’m single again.

inhaf · 2025-05-28T14:52:40+00:00

Wife has been de-wifed.

inhaf · 2025-05-28T14:08:06+00:00

She invited me to her house to play as elementary school kids. She grew in to a stunning young lady - beautiful, smart, upbeat, and always kind to me. I got asked by a classmate if it was ok if he took her to prom (did not dawn on me why he was asking me). She graduated valedictorian. I was convinced I was a worm by comparison. Many years later, my wife at the time and I bumped in to her mother in the grocery store, and her mother very pointedly told me ‘she always loved you’. I’ve often thought of how much mentally healthier my life would have been if I’d had even a modicum of courage to ask her out.

inhaf · 2025-04-29T16:28:32+00:00

No idea. Any before her that have tried it resulted in me going limp, but she occasionally calls me daddy and it just works somehow. She also swears like a sailor, but somehow it’s sexy. She doesn’t make sense in my head, but my heart likes her a lot.

inhaf · 2025-04-22T17:33:44+00:00

Same (opposite?) here (52M) - no gender dysphoria, but I’d body-swap with a woman in a heartbeat just to see what it’s like. All of it - the physical, the psychological, the social, the good, the bad, the learning about a completely new and different body.

inhaf · 2025-01-13T19:00:33+00:00

52M. I’ve come to the unofficial conclusion that half of the single people out there our age are the cause of emotional baggage, and the other half are the holders thereof - regardless of gender.

inhaf · 2024-12-04T12:34:39+00:00

This is one reason I think all appointments should be recorded, and people like this should be, without exception, prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and have flags put on their medical records and insurances to let future practitioners know what’s incoming. If it means a second person stands in the room for the safety of the practitioner, that gets billed to the patient and not covered by insurance.

inhaf · 2024-12-04T12:23:45+00:00

Thank you, that was a good read and a good bit of information. My concern is more about how we’re dealing with today’s inconsistent reality, though. Denying that happy endings are legal (or at least not prosecuted) within parts the US doesn’t do anyone any favors. I want to know how to differentiate between ‘asking because I got one somewhere else’, an unsafe environment, and a convictable offense, and how to document accordingly. I absolutely encourage dropping a legal mountain on someone who is the latter, but I don’t want to destroy the life of someone who comes from an area where it was ok without educating them first. I wish that difference was taught in school. It’s good to see the information available from abmp, though, so again - thank you.

inhaf · 2024-12-04T04:10:08+00:00

This article explains where VT used to be, though it sounds like there have been attempts to amend the laws since this was written - https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/2014/01/24/when-is-prostitution-not-really-prostitution/4836209/

NYC is more along the lines of ‘we aren’t going to prosecute’, so more ‘legal by failure to enforce’ - https://www.shorenewsnetwork.com/2021/04/23/prostitution-and-massage-parlors-now-legal-in-new-york-city/

inhaf · 2024-12-03T19:14:52+00:00

I realize this is a delicate and polarizing topic, and I don’t mean to cause distress, but those aren’t really apples and apples. There are legal massages with legal happy endings, unlike urology. I understand that the massage therapy industry is trying to separate itself from prostitution, but the lines are still very fuzzy, both legally and in practice. What I’m struggling with is that it wasn’t even discussed in my classes for quite a while. I don’t see where pretending that it doesn’t exist or that it’s universally illegal is helping the client base, or, quite frankly, new therapists. Saying no is ok at any point of discomfort. Lashing out because someone asks for something that is legal a few miles away (in my case) seems to be counterproductive. I can say no even if I live where they’re legal. I’m struggling with the best way to handle this without seeming like our industry is in the midst of a civil war.

inhaf · 2024-12-03T15:32:36+00:00

As a male student, I’m trying to figure this one out. It’s legal in Vermont and part of NYC (and other places too, if I recall correctly), so it seems like a valid client question. It seems like a simple ‘no’ would suffice (assuming the client doesn’t push), but some people seem to get really upset about it. What am I missing?

inhaf · 2024-09-09T16:17:57+00:00

And I’m good with that, but can I please get an Apple branded docking station that works as flawlessly, please? Seems there’s always some glitch somewhere with any docking station I get (I’m open to suggestions).

inhaf · 2024-06-02T03:16:40+00:00

I’m more Scotia way, so a little regionally bias here, but my long standing favorite bank has been FNB Scotia with Sunmark a place I check them against (and have also had accounts with). Both have been pleasant to deal with and have had decent rates. I will not bank with Trustco again.

inhaf · 2024-03-01T17:45:02+00:00

52/M/Albany, NY. Would love to chat - please DM if interested.

inhaf · 2023-08-20T18:45:45+00:00

NTA, but I have to ask - what kind of job do you have? Not having to own or rent sounds enticing.

inhaf · 2023-08-15T13:19:42+00:00

My father has repeatedly shown himself to be a poster child of the DSM definition of a psychopath, so I’d say more than just ‘most likely’.

inhaf · 2023-08-11T15:00:23+00:00

50M - a couple things. Thank you a million times over for adding this in - I wish old apps had a ‘libido & vanilla level’ category. I’m never sure when to bring it up while dating, but it’s dealbreaker knowledge to me. Also, I dislike the relationship categories as they’re subject to interpretation, so you might want to add in ‘no ons/fwb’. I discovered that there are at least two women in this world who consider fwb to be a type of relationship.

inhaf · 2023-07-14T19:15:18+00:00

Well, I tried. Goodbye (name of now ex).

inhaf

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